1. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    I've decided that there's such a thing as a 3-minute crush. And it is by definition completely innocent, so this is only a mini-hijack of this thread, I hope.

    I went to two socials this week, very different venues and dancers. At the first, I was asked to merengue by a man with serious neuro/psycho challenges (autism? Aspergers?). Generally, I'd run screaming rather than merengue at all, nor do I want to do the work involved to social dance with someone who cannot make eye contact or small talk. But I had a ball. He only knew two steps, but he led them beautifully, kept the beat perfectly, and was having a great time. So *I* had a great time. Seriously. Couldn't keep the grin off my face if I tried. He felt like the most wonderful man in the world, for the duration of the dance. The 3-minute crush!

    At the second social, a very high-level leader asked me to dance. Y'know, one of those guys who competes and places really, really well? That kind of leader. In spite of the style challenge (I'm a smooth follow, he's a standard lead) the same elation kicked in, even through my errors. But he was having a ball, so I was having a ball. He felt like the most wonderful man in the world, for the duration of the dance. 3MC.

    You know when you're at a social and dance with a stranger and he's doing his favorite dance, you can always tell? He catches fire, and so do I. 3MC! The ancient of days, who hasn't danced since his wife died, but gets out on the floor and shows a follow a stomping good time? 3MC!

    I'm enjoying this enormously, needless to say. So, did everyone else already know about this, and I'm late to the party?
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    this was not a highjack per se...but deserved it's own thread... and is, I think, different from a crush that lingers
  3. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    It's not jsut you ja, I have a vague memory of this being mentioned before, but having trouble thinking of good search terms for it. Definitely felt it though and it makes for a great dance. :)
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and lol...I think you are late to the party ;)

    just last nigh one of my faovrite leads was there...he is probably 15 years my senior and widowed...he loved his wife very much and they danced open latin, which is what he loves to do...and so whenever he senses that dh is in a sharing mood he always scoops me up and we have a great time dancing together, I can see the delight in his eyes when I do various things and it is such a pleasure to dance with someone who is good but not arrogant...he is the only man I know who will give a bit of info or advice on the floor but from whom it is appreciated b/c it is clearly about he and I creating something together, b/c I know he respects me and just want to do something he loves well with someone who can do it...always a nice little "interlude" ;)
  5. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    (OT: My "own" thread! Now I know I'm really a member of DF!.:grin: /BOT)

    Fasc, I know what you mean when you say, I can see the delight in his eyes when I do various things ... I know he respects me and just want to do something he loves well with someone who can do it...always a nice little "interlude"

    Lovely to get that, isn't it? Sometimes they say it with the body, sometimes out loud. My verbal self likes to hear it said, but the body language is as eloquent, if not more so.

    On the other hand, I still haven't figured out why some leads who look great dancing with other follows -- often teachers, btw -- feel so disconnected when I dance with them. I end up dancing poorly, looking bad, and making *them* look bad -- and they don't ask me again. Grr. I like being asked again.

    Well, you can't force the crush. I learned that in junior high.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    the gentleman I mentioned will also say; "niiiice"...which works for me big time

    as to the other dudes you mention; I suspect, and only suspect, that perhaps for them it is either; about them or solely a job...and there is no way that it will feel like anything but an act of mercy that they have bequeathed (sp?) unto you...shrug...am happy to use them in return and not apologize for my incompetance then move on to someone with depth....would far rather dance with a newb with soul than someone who is just doing their time.....
  7. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    There are different means of connection - literally different kinds of focus in the body.

    There are also different sorts of base assumptions to build communication on top of - ranging from the trivial, to really in depth systems of how leg and body movement relate, or perhaps in the direction of local or personal traditions of this-almost-allows-follows-this, or in some cases a group has more or less entire memorized class routines or at least substantial phrases.
  8. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Doesn't it just? :bouncy:
  9. JEM

    JEM New Member

    Ahhh - the 3mc - love it! Enhances the whole dance, never taken seriously, and is just delicious. I too appreciate the occasional "niice" or "well-followed" - like verbal jewels.
  10. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    I had one tonight. Had forgotten how nice they are. :)
  11. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Lovely! I'm jealous. Stuck in a dance-free zone for the next 10 days. Grrr.
  12. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    I love it when it happens, but haven't had it for a while. OTOH, there was a guy in the area, with whom I had it (but it was more like dance chemistry) consistently. He probably was the only one in the area I would have considered asking to be my practice partner. Too bad he graduated and moved.
  13. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    I guess I wasn't only one who noticed this follow. Parents were at studio Friday doing a trunk show, and mom commented last night how this follow was just well dressed, pleasant, a great follow, etc. So still a 3MC, but wasn't even just me. Amusing since I didn't even plan on dancing with her.
  14. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    3mc redux

    And a Friday night spent social dancing -- first time at a social in weeks -- produces 3mc left right and center. Endorphin city. I fell in love with *all* of them.
    The leads with two left feet but great attitude.
    The leads with lovely hands.
    The leads with fantastic technique who did NOT make me feel like my mistakes were my fault (extra points here).
    The leads who are foxtrotting the way they did it back during the war, and you can read in their faces the dreams of their youth.
    The beginners who are coming out of their shells.
    And at the end of the evening, someone who was just the right height, right energy level, right technique level, and the blast of pure delight kept on and on.

    3mc. I was drunk on it. I've recently been thinking hard about giving up social dancing to concentrate on my private lessons. And evening like this will keep me coming to socials forever.
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    evn though I have that experience less and less when I am out socially, I will never give up social dancing, it allows me to stay in touch with aspects of the journey that are important and which my lessons cannot provide...so glad you had that opportunity
  16. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    I go back and forth on social dancing. With me it has nothing to do with the dance part though (or rather, that's why I always come back to it), has to do with fact I have to be, well, social. :) Right now in a down spot again. THink I'vee gone to one studio party in the last three weeks.
  17. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Isn't that the truth? Social dancing is how I started this journey, and it seems that it will always be important. No, none of the partners I find at a social will ever be as good as my teacher, nor will they make the same demands on me he does. (frex, it is odd to dance with men who have no frame, and don't seem to want it from me.) But to limit myself to dancing with him only will indeed be limiting.
  18. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Not so's you'd notice, among many of the men I meet at socials. :wink: You can always stand in the doorway, arms folded over your chest, feet planted, and never ask anyone to dance, like the three guys last night who did exactly that. I swear, I didn't see them dance once all evening. And no chatting, either. So, one wonders, what were they there for? Just think of all those 3mc moments they missed!
  19. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    me too, her name was Victoria Sponge :together:
  20. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member


    It's been a while since I had so many 3MC moments at a social. I went tonight with few expectations; came home with an endorphin buzz from the 3MCs. <sigh> :D Some new guys, one who simply loves to dance, and is neither young nor a lightweight but oh, what fun; one favorite buddy who's become completely obsessed with dancing and is now a killer salsa/cha/rumba leader (was always fun to dance with, but is now like dance crack); some leads who were utter newbies six months ago who are now feeling their oats.

    3MCs left and right. It's been a while. Yuuuummmmmmmyyyyyy

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