Ballroom Dance > Advice on dancing with significant other.

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by anomalee, May 25, 2015.

  1. anomalee

    anomalee New Member

    Hey guys, new here. I've just started a partnership since last November. We've been doing ok for ourselves, danced 2 comps and did well. But recently my girlfriend said she might be available. Is it rational for me to want to dance with her and what are your thoughts on breaking up such a short partnership? And what's the best way to go about it.
     
  2. MaggieMoves

    MaggieMoves Well-Known Member

    I'd say keep the partnership going. If it's completely platonic... who cares? I met my boyfriend ballroom dancing, and we've yet to compete together... not sure if we will.

    Guys have the pick of the litter though, so honestly I doubt it will impact you much. Funny how things would be different were it the other way around.
     
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  3. Hedwaite

    Hedwaite Well-Known Member

    Why can't you do both? You have to consider the other person. No, it's not really your responsibility to make them happy, but it's a pretty 'richard move' to say "Well, my own booty just freed up, so I'm gonna go with that. Later, toots".

    If you DO start this up with your girlfriend, DON'T pull the "Well, I have more experience doing this, let me HELP you" business. The kindest thing one can do for their new-to-dance significantish other is to STFU sometimes. :)

    IS your girlfriend new to dance, and why is she suddenly now "maybe" available?
     
  4. anomalee

    anomalee New Member

    Lol nope. She's been dancing longer than me and we compete against each other and she usually wins. And before you say anything no I'm not thinking about it because I'm thinking of dancing up to a higher standard.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2015
  5. s2k

    s2k Well-Known Member

    Dumping your dance partner for your romantic partner probably means that sometime in the future, you'll be without both a dance partner and a romantic partner.

    But good luck!
     
  6. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Competitive ballroom can take up a lot of your time and energy. Some people like having a partner with whom they can concentrate ballroom and the rest of their life; some people like having a partner who they can put out of their mind to concentrate on the rest of their life.
     
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  7. Caralyn

    Caralyn New Member

    I did it myself and it did not end up very well. My advice, don't sh*t where you eat!
     
    Joe, s2k, danceronice and 1 other person like this.
  8. Dr Dance

    Dr Dance Well-Known Member

    If your (platonic) partnership is working, then stick with it. I would be quite reluctant to replace her with your girl friend who stated that she "might be available." Does gf want you as her partner? Or is she just "testing the waters" with you?
     
    Loki likes this.
  9. Mengu

    Mengu Well-Known Member

    I dropped not one, but two partners to dance with my girlfriend, who is now my wife of 10+ years and we still compete together. And I'm still friendly with both my ex-partners. My advice, do what you want. It may turn out well, it may turn out messy, such is life.
     
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  10. bia

    bia Well-Known Member

    I agree with those who say that you shouldn't leap into it. However, if you stay together romantically long term, you might ultimately choose to dance together, too. Whatever you decide, you should be aware that a competitive dance partnership can be harder for a romantic couple than for a platonic couple and can be harder than other things the romantic couple does together. That's because it can be harder in this situation to keep life stress from complicating the dance relationship and vice versa. That said, if you're in a committed relationship with someone, hopefully it's because you get along well; that's a good thing for a dance partnership. And it can be convenient to dance with your life partner -- you're adjusting to each others' schedules anyway, and if you move, you probably both move. So I'd say if the two of you are both ready to commit to each other long term in a romantic sense, and with clear eyes, both of you think that you'd work well together on the dance floor, too, it's worth considering. In that case, you just need an up-front conversation with your current partner; I'm sure she won't be happy, but she'll get it. But if you're not in a romantic position to be making that kind of commitment yet or if either of you is unsure about how your dance floor dynamic would work out (or even if she's available!), I agree with those who say that the most likely outcome is for you to end up with neither the relationship nor the dance partnership, since the end of one very likely spells the end of the other also.
     
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  11. stash

    stash Well-Known Member

    My fiance and I started dancing with each other, only when we both were out steady partners. We weren't breaking up other partnerships to be together to dance, it just worked out that way. It's your call over all, but I say don't fix what ain't broke. You have a good steady partner right now, there's no rush in trying to find another. And honestly it can make the dance partner ship hard. It look us a long time to figure out how to be good dance partners to each other, and what works best in terms of learning and working together. It's much like building your romantic relationship, but starting all over again in some ways.
     
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  12. middy

    middy Well-Known Member

    I think it depends on your relationship(s). If your current partnership is going well, then why break it up? Also, in my experience, mixing romantic and dance partnerships can be messy and sometimes bad for both, but it really depends on your personalities and how you work together. If neither of you is very critical, then it can more easily succeed. Also depends on whether you are a good match in terms of dance ability, goals, practice styles, etc.
     
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  13. Hedwaite

    Hedwaite Well-Known Member

    "Before you say anything"? Excuse me?
     
  14. anomalee

    anomalee New Member

    Nope, she definitely wants to partner me.
     
  15. mindputtee

    mindputtee Well-Known Member

    I think that was a general disclaimer not directed at you.
     
    Hedwaite likes this.
  16. Dancing Irishman

    Dancing Irishman Well-Known Member

    I think it's less about being less critical and more about having mature ways of communicating about breakdowns in the dancing and handling disagreements (and understanding the inherent disconnect between how a leader and follower experience things due to their roles doesn't hurt either). Or at least that's what all of my am/am partnerships have had an area of opportunity to develop (I was the first serious am partner for both of my current partners, so it's unsurprising - am/am is a totally separate partnership dynamic from pro/am).
     
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  17. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Further down the line: I have seen partner couples get married and have kids, and stop dancing because they need to take care of the kids. If you have the resources to be able to have someone look after your kids, you could probably keep dancing, but otherwise one of you needs to care for the kids at all times, and *poof* goes the partnership. If you have separate partners, it's possible for both of you to keep dancing a little bit.
     
  18. JANATHOME

    JANATHOME Well-Known Member

    Loved the response from Dancing Irishman!!
    While a partnership with a SO is not for all, I competed with my husband for a good 15 years.

    I have to say that for me it actually improved our relationship...and the relationship was in pretty good shape before we started to dance together. During the partnership we learned how to be respectful to each other and we both took extra care to understand different POV.... It spilled over into our day to day interaction and we became stronger together...

    Yes, I learned to pick my battles carefully because at the end of the day we were going to get in the same car when the lesson was over, walk into the same house, sleep in the same bed.... No doubt, this is hard work and easier with someone that is not a SO, but if you can stick it out and grow from it, ...... priceless!!!
     

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