Salsa > Afraid of asking girls for a dance

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by Mehikene, Dec 15, 2013.

  1. Turbo

    Turbo New Member

    music is to loud to ask, just smile and show your hand.
  2. TrangBui

    TrangBui New Member

    Dont need to ask, just show you hand.
    MaggieMoves and Loki like this.
  3. DanceRhythm

    DanceRhythm New Member

  4. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    I can remember when I felt the same way. Maybe you don't see it now, but what you go through in life that seems so challenging makes the reward all that sweeter. Around your age I went a couple of years without having a date, and I thought I would never figure it out. Dancing really helped me, and if you give it time, dancing will help you too.
    opendoor likes this.
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I do this all the time while smiling, and they come to me.
    Lizz likes this.
  6. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    It is all about attitude. What is your attitude when you go to dance?

    I also see the idea of talking mentioned in addition to dance. Are you going to dance to dance, to meet and socialize...? What is your purpose for dancing?

    Friday night I had left the dance floor. I was drinking some water and a person whom I had danced with earlier was there. Since it was a bit quieter here than the dance floor I told her that she was really good, she said thanks but your lead really well. We chatted a bit and then silence fell. A male friend of hers standing nearby mentioned the heat, she agreed, he said it was time to remove his long sleeved shirt and I chimed in that he was lucky that he had a decorative t-shirt inside while I just had an plain white t-shirt. The guy explained he just happened to be wearing it and so just put the dress shirt on over it. Then I introduced myself, "By the way I am Virgilio" and a round of introductions happened.

    There, some inconsequential talk, but I got to talk with a bunch of kids. But I am comfortable in my skin. I am ok with silences, or not talking at times. Or chiming in. If I made a mistake and the people react to me entering the conversation as I misinterpreted the group dynamics I am ok with extricating myself.

    A last point. There is a big/huge difference between dancing in classes vs social dancing.
  7. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Oh, and I forgot to touch on this - the title says "Afraid" Fear is our own worst enemy. Reality is often different from what is imagined. Often when we are afraid of something and actually try it out our worst fears are not realized. ;-)
  8. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    Mehikene, if I told you to go ask a girl to dance - doesn't matter if she says yes or no - and if you did that and came back, I would give you a million dollars, would you do it ? I bet the answer is yes. So you are capable of doing it, you are just afraid. The only way to get over being afraid is.....

    Take your best buddy with you to the salsa club. (They don't have to be a dancer). Give them 50 bucks before you walk in to the club. This is the game: The goal is to ask one girl to dance. Doesn't matter if she says yes or no, no matter what. If you don't ask one girl, your friend gets to keep the 50 bucks. If you do ask, you get your 50 bucks back. The amount of money is important - has to be a decently large amount - something that you don't want to lose.

    Keep playing this game, raising the stakes from one dance to two, three, etc, and after a while, you'll forget what the problem was.
    SDsalsaguy and mjnemeth like this.
  9. mjnemeth

    mjnemeth Member

    Had to reply to this. I think this is brilliant . Or play the game this way: each time
    you ask you get $5.00 back. I think you'll be surprised with who says yes too.
    gte692h likes this.
  10. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    There's nothing anyone else can say to this that would make you feel better.
  11. Charles W

    Charles W New Member

    I've been dancing for 5 years and people tell me I don't
    need goto dance classes anymore

    because I go dancing 5-6 days a week! :p

    I still go to classes because within one hour I can get know about 20 girls
    within a class.

    So when the social dancing start. I know 20 girls
    already I can ask to dance.

    If you want meet girls I find dance studio and classes
    are better than dance parties or social nights.
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2014
  12. tomm

    tomm New Member

    Iam also on the shy side and I really have a hard time asking for dances....

    I was lucky enough to have a regular partner to get my skills up to an ok level, but i still struggle to ask new people.

    What helps me is this: I have a follower friend wo also has trouble to ask people to dance so we have a little agreement, I can point out some guy to her that she has to ask for a dance and vice versa.. somehow its much easier for me to ask a person someone else gave me as a "task"....
    Mr 4 styles and RiseNFall like this.
  13. MaggieMoves

    MaggieMoves Well-Known Member

    Smile too. Don't slouch. Act like you own the floor, and you're giving us a tour of it. :)

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