Best and worst dance snubs when you ask a lady to dance

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by Dr Dance, Oct 27, 2013.

  1. Dr Dance

    Dr Dance Well-Known Member

    I don't get refused often when I ask a lady to dance. But when I do, she is either slick about it or transparent, but never straightforward.

    Last night was a BEAUT! While I was hosting for my chosen studio's semi formal fall ball, I asked a member of the University of xxxxxxxx dance team for a quickstep.

    The team consisted of three couples. A polite and skilled young man, spoke for the group after all three couples danced one performance each.

    "Hi guys! Come support us at this competition that we're going to sponsor in a few weeks. Come talk with us, and come dance with us."

    I took him literally. I decided to ask one of his team mates for a dance. I spied her sitting alone as the quickstep music started. She was sitting at a table. I could not see her feet.

    "I'm sorry, I've taken my dance shoes off," she excused herself as she then displayed her stocking feet.

    I went and got somebody else.

    The next dance was a slow waltz. She was up on the floor dancing with Kobe.

    In her defense, I only saw her dancing with (one person) last night. She may not have wished to dance with anyone else but her partner. Maybe he did not speak for her when he invited each dancer to "dance with the members of his group."

    I'll put her excuse in the "slick" category.

    What do you think? Was she rude or not?

    What are your rejection stories?
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2013
  2. middy

    middy Well-Known Member

    Well, she did have time during the dance to put her shoes back on.

    She might have wanted to practice with him because they have a big competition coming up? At least it wasn't just you she didn't dance with, so it was nothing personal, probably.

    When I really don't want to dance with someone (and this is only if it was a very unpleasant experience before) I say I'm sitting this dance out. And try to be truthful to that statement.
  3. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    To my view, it would have been rude of her to dance the quickstep you invited her for, but doesn't strike me as rude that she reapplied her shoes to hit the waltz...for whatever reason.

    Sometimes one dance does the trick to give one's feet a break when they've hit a wall. And a rejection doesn't necessarily mean anything personal.
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  4. Standarddancer

    Standarddancer Well-Known Member

    Hmm seems she really not willing to dance with strangers, unless she feels her feet sore or hurt, so took off her dance shoes to give her feet a break, so declined a social dance. Or she could be not sociable at all as you said she only danced with her partner. Or she feels QS is one of her weaker dances, she doesn't want to make people think the team is not trained. Some people just don't like to do certain dances at social. Maybe (the male spokesperson) should really speak to all team members that they are all willing to dance with everyone at the event before make such announcement, so there is no misunderstanding.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2013
  5. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    DD...no offense but this is a huge pet peeve that I have with many men and some women...unless you have a history with someone that allows you to determine with a high degree of certainty a pattern of crappy behavior, why on earth wouldn't you just take them at face value? frankly, even if you had a history, you might still be wrong....her shoes were off..she didn't owe you/your ego to sit out all the rest of the dances...why choose to take offense or percieve deceit?...no one can make you feel that slighted/insecure without your consent and that one doesn't even seem remotely unreasonable...I get that that it may have been difficult to ask and that it made you feel insecure to see her dance right after that...but why not just own that and understand that?
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  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    as to time to sit out or put shoes back on...I agree...sometimes one dance is enough of a break...and court shoes are the only shoes that are easy to put on or off....I still see nothing out of line there
    samina likes this.
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    a general note from one spokesperson that they want to dance with folks doesn't obligate all of them to dance all dances
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2013
  8. stash

    stash Well-Known Member

    Hehe. His name is xxxxx. We do have a competition coming up in a week, and the girl he was dancing with is his full time partner. So that's probably the reason.

    As for the shoe thing, I agree. Sometimes taking off the shoes is enough to get a girl back on track for the rest of the night. Sometimes you got to point your feet out for a bit releases some of the tension.

    In general we are generally a competition oriented club, and social dancing isn't a top priority. College Night at a different studio tends too look like a comp floor where people are trying to out pace each other, and people rarely switching away from their comp partners.

    I know lots of our members are in full time comp mode, so that could be the main reason.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2013
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    all things considered, we will never know because he didn't try her after she put her shoes back on......


    as to snubs; I cannot say that I have ever been snubbed but I do think I fall into that category with LG of being a lady with whom most of the social guys in the area are afraid to dance...and I understand
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2013
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  10. Warren J. Dew

    Warren J. Dew Well-Known Member

    I don't think she was rude since she didn't dance the same dance with anyone else. I think perhaps [name removed] might want to tone down his statements or check with the people he's committing to accepting dances.

    I'll tell you a slightly different story, about when I failed to ask someone when I should have. There was a social dance as part of a competition at which they were taking a collection for someone to help cover hospital bills. They said if you contributed, you could ask for a dance from anyone at the head table or the judges' table.

    Well, Karen Hilton was one of the judges, and I was tempted to ask for a dance with her, but didn't quite dare. Then ten minutes later someone else did, and she danced with him. Then she was up and dancing with totally random people for the rest of the night.

    Really classy people, the Hiltons.

    [Moderator note:

    Removed identifying information originally provided by original poster]
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2013
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

  12. mindputtee

    mindputtee Well-Known Member

    I have not noticed that to be the case.

    On a related note, sometimes I just don't feel like dancing a dance. I'm at the social to have fun, and sometimes I'm a little tired or my feet are getting sore, so I'll turn down a dance. I do not think that attending a social obligates you to dance every single dance you are asked for, and taking it personally is unnecessary unless said person then goes to dance with someone else. Her shoes were off, she did not lie to you. Perhaps she did not think you would want to wait for her to put them back on, or perhaps she just wanted to stretch her feet for a few minutes.
    wooh likes this.
  13. Dr Dance

    Dr Dance Well-Known Member

    General consensus seems to be "not rude." I tend to agree.

    But it was still a snub.

    And although I do get that social dancing "may not be a priority" for this particular group, they WERE at a social dance where their spokesperson INVITED us to dance with them.

    This reminds me of the movie "Three Amigos" where three celebrities were invited to dinner at a poor family's house at a Mexican village. While munching down on TACOS (lol), one of them asked, "Hey, have you got anything to eat besides Mexican food?"

    Was I "entitled?" Probably not. There is no rule that stated that she owed me a dance.

    She very possibly needed to give her feet a break. But then why not say so, and ask for a "raincheck?" I believe that whatever reason she had was a good one. But since she was part of a "visiting group," a friendlier attitude toward "strangers" might have gone a long way to garner the support they requested.
  14. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    If it's not rude, it's not a snub, it's just a refusal.

    The spokesperson inviting dance requests doesn't necessarily mean that they are obliged to dance every single dance.
  15. regis

    regis Active Member

    What gets me with a refusal is not the refusal itself (now that I have learned not to take it personally) but the awkward moment afterwards. It leaves you standing there saying, "Well what do I do now?"
    twnkltoz likes this.
  16. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    The Walk of Shame :cool:
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  17. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    No :)
  18. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    It doesn't even sound like a refusal to me. If she'd had her shoes on, then yes, I would consider it a refusal. But her shoes were off. She clearly wasn't in a position to dance at the time; it's not like there was any choice involved. :)
    latingal likes this.
  19. gilded_lili

    gilded_lili New Member

    I'm reminded of a lady who frequents socials in this area and responds to almost all requests to dance with, "I'm sorry, I just took my shoes off"... until her preferred lead asks her to dance, and her multi-strap Latin heels miraculously materialize on her feet. THAT is a snub. In the case of the UofM dancer-- it seems like a simple case of bad timing. Not rude, not a snub. I would hate to think that a gentleman would take it personally if I needed to rest my feet for a minute. Did you try asking her again at a later time?
  20. mindputtee

    mindputtee Well-Known Member

    I know the dancer in question. She is a little shy and not very outgoing, and I haven't known her to social dance very much. I wouldn't take it personally that she didn't request a raincheck or didn't behave exactly as you would expect from a more veteran social dancer. If this was immediately following the performance, she may have been changing shoes into something more comfortable for general social dancing. And knowing her partner as well, he may have convinced her to dance the next one through persistence even if her feet were sore and she wanted a break.
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