Hmmm, you mean I should better help instead of analyzing? Ok, but speaking frankly, I actually haven´t got any advice. Perhaps this one: Dave, try to dance as infrequently as possible with your wife. Try to build up your own dance clique. Learn independently and try to find your own way through the thicket. That may perhaps help to get back that shiver. I speak from experience. I always found my girl friends within my dance scenes since I´m a dancer. But dancing with a woman that is as ambitious as you are, really seems to be one of the most difficult things.