Well, I agree and disagree with your first point. At the most fundamental level, you're right. Whatever is going on in the guys' minds is of no consequence to me--it DOES come down to how comfortable the woman is. Me, in this case. But I'm more apt to be comfortable if I know in the back of my mind that there's nothing icky about what's going on the the guys' minds, most of the time. ;-) For example, one guy I dance (ballroom) with will often lead moves which involve him touching my hips. I don't mind at all--we flirt and joke and are comfortable with each other. Then there was this guy in a group class who touched my hip repeatedly, and I just about decked him. Why the difference? Well, the first guy has always treated me with respect, and I know the flirting is just that. The second guy, on the other hand, seemed to think that my boobs had ears, and despite being told by the teacher the correct placement of his hand (shoulder blade area) insisted on keeping a hold on my hip. Pretty low down on my hip, I might add. Besides, he addressed me as "Baby" which just ticked me off from the get-go. Now, about my friend. This is her first experience with partner dancing of any sort. I told her about how to control the amount of contact involved, but she's still very apprehensive. I intend to show her and teach her a bit before starting, for this reason. But, she's seen pictures, and is kind of uncomfortable about dancing with someone other than her husband, so this tango thing is kind of flipping her out. As for you, try it with open embrace. I think it's harder, and loses some of the beauty of the dance, but it's a good intro. Keep in mind that when I talk about "intimacy" I don't mean anything in a sexual way. I mean intimacy in the sense of sharing such a special time with someone, completely focused on each other. You never know, you might get hooked! Be careful!