Close to giving up.

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by dgarstang, May 10, 2013.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    right...which is why I am in the crowd that thinks he should stick with private lessons and minimize the damage on all fronts
    Lilly_of_the_valley likes this.
  2. dgarstang

    dgarstang Member

    I can't even begin to fathom how what I said has been interpreted as bashing beginners. Heck, beginners are a lot more friendly than more experienced dancers and a lot easier to be social with. I have heard from several people though that if I can't lead a beginner through what I know, then it's my fault. I'm really not understanding how my desire to be a better dancer is being translated into it all being about me. It seems that if I didn't care, I'd be labelled as sloppy, and if I do care enough to want to become better, then I'm labelled as self absorbed.

    Mr 4 Styles, there is no magic pill. If I stop dancing until I'm 'fixed' then I'll never start again. Improving one's self confidence takes a life time. I have in fact tried several professionals over the years and several different types of medication. None have improved my self confidence, save for Xanax taking the edge off.

    I guess the bottom line is that if people think I'm the weird guy that sits down and never dances, what's the point in ever going back? I've been labelled here as self absorbed and I think no amount of me arguing my point is going to change that. If I've been labelled the weird guy by the people at CBD, I may be just as doomed there as well.
  3. dgarstang

    dgarstang Member

    I just saw your post Hedwaite. It seems really apparent to me that no matter what I say from this point forwards, it's going to be nitpicked to pieces. Walking out on the instructor is rude? Come on. If the instructor skims over the footwork for a step, and I can't follow it, and then he moves onto the next piece, never to return, I've lost it. There's no way for me to recover at that point. If I can't do the step properly, I can't lead it. If I can't lead it, I'm no benefit to anyone. Having said that, if the class has way more followers then leaders, I'll consciously try and stick it out for longer. In a large class like the hustle ones at CBD with 50 people, I really doubt the instructor even notices I'm missing. Your generalising. Your nitpicking because you've labelled me as something. It's not the same people in the hustle group every week and the class is large enough that I don't remember people's faces and I doubt they remember mine.

    At this point I really should stop replying and reading. It's only causing undue stress.
  4. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Active Member

  5. dgarstang

    dgarstang Member

    I'm not sure if 'stop it' in that video means for me to stop posting here, stop trying to dance, or stop lacking self confidence and just dance. Obviously I like the last one the best, but it's also the hardest. People with phobias and such can't just 'stop it' and to think they can belittles the complexity of their situation. In any case Lily, I appreciate how your trying (I think) to make me stop thinking and just dance. Thanks.

    To be clear, I'm not bashing beginners. Just wanted to make that clear. It wasn't clear for some reason before. Not bashing beginners. To bashing beginners.

    No more reading of posts from me on this thread again today. I want to try again tonight. First I need to get that 'Doug is the creepy guy who sits down' thought out of my head which only amplifies the self confidence issue. Whoever posted that, not very constructive.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    your phobias aren't keeping you from doing anything...you go to these places...it's ...your attitude... folks here have phobias...which you would know if you read a thread that isn't solely about you


    a suggestion; try posting in the gratitude thread ...every day...only the gratitude thread...for a few months...just a suggestion
    Mr 4 styles, debmc, IndyLady and 4 others like this.
  7. JudeMorrigan

    JudeMorrigan Well-Known Member

    Quadruple like.
    Mr 4 styles likes this.
  8. clumsy fellow

    clumsy fellow Active Member

    Me too. The overwhelming desire to slap.... oh, wait, family friendly forum.

    My grandmother used to say "if you can't find the jerk at the party, it's probably you". I would simply ask "How's it working out for you?"

    My post isn't helpful, but I feel better. It is all about me, right?
  9. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    Hm, I was there at the party on the night of Doug's latest episode. I did see him come in and sit down, but then I got distracted and never noticed him again. It's really not as bad as he makes it out to be. There really is a good mix of beginners, intermediates and advanced ladies present. Most of them are friendly and self-conscience of their own dancing. But they're not going to seek out a guy who sits around on the benches and not say anything.

    Doug really need to talk to more people. Say hi and smile. Then ask them for a dance and do some basics. Thank them for the dance and ask a different lady for another dance. There are enough women there for a guy to be able to do one dance a night without having to repeat on the same lady again for another dance.

    And don't worry Doug. You don't have to be worried about being labelled as the weird guy. There are already plenty of weird men (who are asking women to dance) to reserve that title.
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    perfect...and so true about weird guys (weird women too, to some extent)... a part of life that most folks expect at a social.....and it is not necessarily true that it is how he is viewed there...
  11. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    Also, keep up the basic Hustle class. I am doing the same drop-in class and I have no knowledge of how to do Hustle. I just keep going to the beginner and intermediate class and see what I can pick up.
    fascination likes this.
  12. TwoRightFeet

    TwoRightFeet Active Member

    I was always the weird guy. I'm still weird, but at least I can dance now. I find that whether I get to dance doesn't depend on my weirdness as much as it does whether I can dance. It did take a long time though, but I was stubborn, like Doug, and it paid off in the end.
    Gorme, SwayWithMe and freeageless like this.
  13. nikkitta

    nikkitta Well-Known Member

    Admittedly I know nothing about Xanax, but the fact that you were concerned about driving if you took two makes me wonder if it also affects your dancing. Maybe your responsiveness is "off" and makes it harder to connect to and dance with unfamiliar followers?
  14. Hedwaite

    Hedwaite Well-Known Member

    And it is now clear that I need to not get suckered back into this thread myself, because it's like bad reality TV only worse- it's a real person being a real whinebag, and I'm enabling him by feeding it. We all now know what it is and what he is, and I'm personally trying to be a better person and make changes to MY attitude. I can't improve myself if I fall into arguing with this glans, because then it's not trying to help, it's just recreational griping, and serves no purpose for either of us- and it's a nuisance to everyone else. I'm not a teriffic person by nature, but something about people like this bring out the worst in me, and since I know this, I have to watch out for situations like this and avoid getting sucked into a go-nowhere back-and-forth. I want to help out, I have all these ideas and suggestions, and people like him don't want that so much as they want their complaints to be heard, period. I wish Doug good luck, but I don't see how he can obtain it going on the path that he is. Over and out, and on to the whining thread, because my shoes aren't here yet, and my cold hasn't left. Seriously, somebody smack me hard if I come back to this thread.
    fascination likes this.
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    exactly...I am telling myself that if I respond again, I am going to have to seek therapy for myself
  16. bia

    bia Active Member

    I haven't read details, but the mention of xanax fought my eye. DH takes xanax to fly, and we tried to dance one evening after flying in that afternoon, and it just didn't work -- our communication was off. And I know for myself that even one drink messes with my following. So, yeah, lead-follow seems to be dependent on fully unimpaired reflexes. In case that's relevant here at all.
  17. latingal

    latingal Moderator Staff Member

    General moderation note: Look guys, I hear your frustration - not only the posters but from Doug too. I understand, but let's take a step back and try to refrain from name calling or taking your frustration out on other people. As a few posters have noted, sometimes the better part of valor is to leave the conversation - quietly.
  18. dncergrl

    dncergrl Active Member

    Hey Doug, I read some of this thread and empathize with all your problems. But cheer up and look on the bright side. The years will go by and one day you will be old, with maybe arthritis, cancer or a broken hip and your days of being in the dance studio with people who don't understand you, will all be a bad dream.
    freeageless, Debra and Bailamosdance like this.
  19. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I think a lot of us have had a bad week (or even a bad night) and thought we wanted to quit, sat around feeling sorry for ourselves, and self medicating (chocolate, wine, whining on this forum, etc). Then, either we realize we are sick of the pain and do quit in favor of an easier hobby like climbing Mt. Everest or stamp collecting, or we realize we are dancers and dancing is all we want to do. Then we get off the couch, put the wine glass in the sink, and get our @$$ back on the dance floor.
    FancyFeet, Lyra, latingal and 2 others like this.
  20. DizzyDancer

    DizzyDancer New Member

    Hey Doug. First of all, you must realize that you can’t have everything. Actually, maybe you can, just not all at the same time. For example, when you go to a party, identify someone who seems friendly, and ask her to dance. Keep the dancing simple, and focus on the conversation. Then pick out someone who may not look all that friendly but is a good follower. Ask her to dance, and practice your moves and technique.

    As for venues, I agree that it is very helpful to see the same people at the dances that are in class. I have three specific suggestions that address this. The first is the Wednesday night class at Lucie Stern. I know the teacher has his own take on some of the dances, and you might choose not to take everything there, but it is fine for certain dances. You get to practice with your classmates at the party after class on Wednesday night, plus you will see many of the same people on Saturday at Cubberley. Try it.

    Two, since you like east coast swing, you might enjoy lindy hop. Try out the Wednesday Night Hop at CBD. Lindy hoppers are a pretty friendly bunch, and it is a younger crowd. You get 4-week progressive series classes at three levels, followed by a party. You might enjoy focusing on just one dance for a while. You can call it a sabbatical from ballroom. Try it.

    Third, I second Zhena’s recommendation of the Thursday night class at Imperial. You can learn quickstep (which you already have a big head start on with foxtrot and waltz) and VW (like you said, basically it’s just right turn, left turn, change step), and fill in those two gaps quickly. The dances there are only once a month, but they are a good opportunity for higher level social dancing in a friendly setting. Try it.

    So figure out which aspect is most important to you, and try someplace new. Go ahead, try it!
    danceronice likes this.

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