Crush on Instructor...

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by summer280, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    I admire that....you're brave. I generally never do that sort of thing because then I just sit and wait for the punch in the gut. Not that this sort of thing has happened to me -- it hasn't. But, I think it's so hard to put something like that out there.
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. Secret feelings take on a power of their own.

    I guess that's part of the reason why I've learned to make a fool of myself with guys I've liked. Hey. If it's out there, it can't hurt me ... but for so long. lol.

    Getting it out there diminishes its power, whatever it is. The question is whether you can or whether you'll want to continue your teacher/student relationship, once you've had your say, summer. :?

    Maybe not.

    If not, can you deal with the outcome? :?
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    its harder to live with it bottled up...unless you anesthetize yourself...what's a little humiliation among friends...?
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    again, Summer will have to decide... and my heart goes out to her...it is harder when you are younger(IMO) as I sense she is...just because people tend to be more tender then IMO


    (however, MQ, you have plenty of endearing qualities even if courage isn't one of them, which I doubt)
  5. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Unrequited feelings. *shudder* We should be vaccinated for that sort of thing when we're 3.

    T_E
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    now THAT...is the most brilliant idea ever posted on this forum...TE for president
  7. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    Yah...maybe you can donate some of the vaccine to the DF Auction!! :)
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    How do we know the feelings are un-returned? They might be. But they might not. Such is the complication of dance relationships, IMO.


    It kinda stinks, IMO. :?
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    OMG...open wallet, watch thousands fly out:shock: :rolleyes:
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    back to OP, therein lies the rub, ya don't know unless you ask...
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and even if you ask you may not get the truth or beleive it...people are complex...blech...there is something to be said for cloisters, lol
  12. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I don't neccessarily think it is something to try to get rid of... or avoid him/the situation... why not just let it run its course and enjoy the fuzzy feeling along the way. It is kinda fun to experience emotions like that ... without the pressure to do anything about them. Just feel them for what they are and let them be. They will fade in time and you won't make yourself nuts by beating yourself up over them.
  13. danceislove

    danceislove New Member

    I bid $1,000,000 for the unrequited love vaccine!!!!!!! :D
  14. Throwaway Overshare

    Throwaway Overshare New Member

    Save your money, the other solution is available, and since the patent is long expired* you can probably get it in a generic.

    Oh!
    My name is John Wellington Wells,
    I'm a dealer in magic and spells,
    In blessings and curses
    And ever-filled purses,
    In prophecies, witches, and knells.

    If any one anything lacks,
    He'll find it all ready in stacks,
    If he'll only look in
    On the resident Djinn,
    Number seventy, Simmery Axe!

    ALEXIS I have sent for you to consult you on a very
    important matter. I believe you advertise a Patent Oxy-Hydrogen
    Love-at-first-sight Philtre?
    WELLS Sir, it is our leading article. (Producing a phial.)


    *along with W.S. Gilbert's copyright


    On a more philosophical note, in the 1800's they wrote operas about life's colourful moments. In the 1900's they wrote foxtrots. In the 21st century, we get... reality TV?
  15. latingal

    latingal Moderator Staff Member

    I gotta' give a yea vote for Larinda's solution...from personal experience. I've found that sooner or later you'll know through body language or whatever, if there's some shared feeling there....if there isn't and it's handled correctly, it'll eventually fade to a fondness which is very nice too. And if he/she happens to be a great teacher, you don't lose them in the process!
  16. PasoDancer

    PasoDancer New Member

    Yes. I wish once a long time ago that someone had just let *me* go. I wouldn't be dancing right now probably (it'd still be on my list though, make no mistake), but I'd have been galloping after a gold coin on a string. Humans come and go. Sex is more readily available than food, clothing, or shelter. There are some things more important than selfish infatuation or this intanigible myth of "love". I might not be the most pleasant person in the world, and I might be more paranoid than I care to admit, but the way I'm reading you, I don't think you love him. I think you have a meaningless, starry-eyed crush on a dominant figure who shows you kindness and pays attention to your body (fear not, I had someone pay that kind of attention to my mind once- and it screwed a LOT OF THINGS UP. I posted this on DF awhile back, then chickened out and deleted it). These feelings provide you with the validation every human craves on some level or another. Let him go. You can find another. In your "dance career", you are at a position where you can "pick back up later" or change things around. He may OR may not be. It'd be a shame to screw up his plans just because you think you click with him well. Besides that- he's human just like you are- you could just be the stumbling block- his OR your hormones could tangle his feet up and trip you both up.

    Example: I rode a horse one time I clicked well with. We won everything in driving distance. I liked that horse, and he liked me. I could take that horse into an arena and accomplish things with him his own owner couldn't.

    But he wasn't mine. When the deal was up, I put him in the horse trailer and sent him back north. Yes, I missed him. Never found another competition horse for that discipline like him- he was unique. Know what? When I did some looking-up on him a few years ago, I found him. He was still right in the limelight where he belonged. Glossy magazine page ad with his big gold trophies and roses around his neck. I closed the books on that one. Hated to, but he was better off without me. Why? I'm not a world-class facility proprietress. I have a little four-stall barn and a pasture and a little pond in it. An entry fee of seventy-five bucks per judge per class (your average horse show weekend is a little more than a bronze am/am dancer weekend at a smaller comp, I'm gathering slowly, and you have to have a LOT of said horse shows to get "anywhere") drains me. I couldn't dance for working that horse. The tack, the clothes, the high-toned and fancy feed and other accoutrements would render me a pauper. I wouldn't be able to afford to promote him TO his potential of being a champion. I'd have ruined his career had I kept him and made a pasture pet out of him (Like I did my own two existing beasties). Instead, I can only say "I trained that horse for a little while." and sigh.

    You let that horse go home when you're done riding him. Don't pet him, don't baby-talk him, and for the love of Epona, don't sneak out to his stall in your jammies at midnight and sneak him junior mints. He's teaching you, he's giving you exactly what you need at this point in your life. Don't TAKE more from him than he should give you. He SHOULD make you feel sexy, capable, desirable, and positive. It's his job to MAKE you that way AS A DANCER. Anything else- Nope. That's another one for fiction writers.
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I totally agree that this is the best approach, in a lot of cases. Too bad it's not the one I take, pretty much ever. lol. Yes, I've knowingly and willingly splattered egg on my own face, a time or two. 'Cause that's the kid of gal I am. :oops: :lol:

    Of course, it was just my feelings at risk, in the case I have in mind, not (potentially) the guy's career or reputation. The dance teacher aspect does add a layer of complication, I admit. But, still, I'm an "out there" kind of person, once I know what I'm feeling. *shrug* I can't be any other way. (Edit: Not exactly true. I could be a different way, I suppose. But I like me this way. lol. )

    That said, even though I don't agree with all that was said, I think PD has some pretty good points, here:

  18. nikita

    nikita New Member

    May be you felt for him, cose you know, that he is unavailable and that he can't be with you? As long, as you have a crash on him, you successfully avoid any other healthy, fullfilling relationship. If you want to make yourself as unhappy, as you can, go on. But the sooner you forget about him, the better for you.
  19. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    That's true.

    I find many instructors are extra friendly and nice, it's part of their job. So the messages they send out can also be misleading. And men generally enjoy attention and like it when women fall for them. Of course, there are exceptions and I'm sure there are successful relationships between instructors and students. You just have to be careful and take care of your heart.
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    if that is possible...sure...my sense however is that is only what one feels part of the time;)

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