Crush on Instructor...

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by summer280, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    Taking from different teachers can make you more well-rounded dancer. Everyone wants to achieve the same results. How they go about it can vary. It will open up your mind as you may listen to the same concept explained 10 different ways. They're all talking about the same thing, but one of them may suddenly click with something else you were struggling with.

    I wouldn't worry about the crush. If you think of your teacher as a friend, the crush feeling disappears.
  2. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    New to the dance forum and been cruising through all the topics. Man, I wish I had seen/read all this when I first started dancing 11 years ago. I've done a variety: ballroom/latin, lindy, and wcs. I've been there a couple of times, and even fell for my dance partner (who was Inter to my novice) at the very beginning. That was a BAD idea, because we got involved, but I ignored his character because of the "chemistry" between us just made it "feel right". Found out later he'd be involved with 8 other girls at same time and dropped him like the rotten tomato he was. Even now, as I've just started taking a more serious approach on my swing and it's technique, there's a guy I've had a crush on since I met him several years ago. At the time I met him, he was Advanced and is Pro now. Since the beginning, I still like his dancing and technique the best, which is part of why I have the crush in the first place. However, I realize it's just that. I do NOT know what he's like outside the dance studio and have to fight the natural female (in my opinion) tendency to overanalyze everything he does and take it the way I want. I've grown up traditional and I firmly belive for myself that I want the guy to do the pursuing/asking out. In my opinion, if he doesn't have the balls to ask me out, I don't want him. If he REALLY is interested in me, he'll clearly show it and ask me out. Otherwise, he's just a guy that I find really attractive. I took ONE private lesson with him about a month ago and as of now do not plan on taking another one any time soon or at all. I'm a very touchy-feely person, and being in such close-proximity, his hands fixing my body-posture (tho still appropriate) practically short-circuited my brain and I don't think I got much from the lesson. I remember what he taught but it didn't really sink in because I was WAY too distracted. Lesson learned... lol

    I hope some other newbies come across this thread and can learn from our hard experiences. Or, it's a good reminder for us "old-timers" as well. I still find myself attracted tp other dancers (pro/teacher/student) and have to remember that the whole POINT of dance is expressing your emotions felt by the song/moment in the dance with that partner. It's not a date :)

    Just my two cents ;)
  3. Cheery

    Cheery Member

    /Yes, I do see him as a friend and he is being nice, even out of class. I ran into him today at a coffee place and he actually sat with me and chatted. THat was nice. And yes he does touch me of course to correct my position, but it doesn't short circuit me (as cited in the post before this), I am quite comfortable with that and being near him when dancing because I'm pretty much a touchy feely and candid person.

    Now the thing is I really want to dance with someone else and I eve asked him if he could help me find a dance partner or asked his opinion of my getting one and he said no, he prefers I only dance with him at this point. Grr! Now how can I get away from dancing with him too much, I guess I can't. I suppose I'll jsut have to be patient enough til I am at a better level, then he will agree to my finding a dp.

    The crush feeling isn't really disappearing but meeting his SO did put everything in check. Good for that.
  4. Cheery

    Cheery Member

    I have made many mistakes myself before and even fell in love with my best friend and in the process lost him, when I came clean with my feelings. THat was one of the hardest things I ever went through. Having learnt that lesson the hard way, I don't analyze anything anymore and I do know if he's not there, that's it, he's just not that into you. It's totally not that way with pro. He's just very nice to be around and being near him and dancing feels very natural (this is good, isn't it, that's what partner dancing is all about, connecting). What I am finding very effective is dancing in group classes, because even if pro is still the one teaching it (my same pro), at least he is more like in the sidelines, teaching and calling out stuff, while my attention is focused on my partner. And dancing with all the other guys is great fun. It really puts pro back in the proper light.
  5. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    One thing I've noticed, for myself and others, is that usually you crush bcause you're seeing their "stage" personality. Nothing kills it faster for me than when they drop their carefully crafted hard-to-see-through face mask and surprise you. Happened for me recently on one that I'd had a "crush" on, and it was snuffed out like wet fingers to a candle. Hopefully my face didn't show my disgust TOO much ;) I really dislike fakers...
  6. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I totally know what you mean. I think sometimes once they believe they've got you hooked you're not going anywhere, they "have" you. It's like how I used to get compliments from my pro so frequently that I came to expect them and actually noticed when I stopped getting them, and that is so far removed from the point of spending all that money on dance lessons, it really shouldn't come down to the trivial points of your student-teacher relationship. Once that charm or spell wears off, you realize you don't necessarily have a good intructor.
  7. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i've heard of women becoming seriously emotionally entwined with their gay instructors, with some destructive love-hate relationships ensuing. appears the crushing virus doesn't necessarily take gender preference into account when it hits hard.

    i don't think there are any tricks around this one. if you get hit, set clear boundaries, take care of yourself, be pro-active and professional, gather whatever personal insight you can for personal growth, and then...move on.
  8. anntennis

    anntennis Active Member

    Agree with Samina, crushing sometimes have nothing to do with a gender preference. One of my first teachers I believe was gay, even though I am not sure a 100%. He was in his mid 50’s and had that old school charm – tall, light gray hair, trained ballet dancer and performing artist in the past, who become a ballroom teacher when he could not be a part of a tour any longer.
    He has what many younger teachers and even more famous Ballroom dance teachers do not have as I see it – I loved that “clean” look, no gold chains, no earrings, tattoos or bracelets, I loved the way he talked and overall he appeared to me as a person of upscale culture and charm, somehow he remind me of older, Frank Sinatra/ Paul Newman generation and I found that charm irresistible.

    He got me interested in dance, and I got a crush on him to the point of obsession. I took roughly 8 to 10 privates a week. I realized almost immediately that even though he is a great dancer himself; he is just an average teacher, since I have a European training of choreography and ice skating in the past and pretty much knew what a good teacher vs. average is. But I wanted to dance only with him.

    Finally I started taking lessons with 2 other European teaches much closer to home at the same time, cutting lessons with the Crush to only once a week, then once every 2 weeks, then stopped going. Other teachers, even though completely luck what I call “ Hollywood charm “ of the first, but are just very good in teaching technique and dance overall. Now I primarily dance with only one pro close to home.

    But up to this day every 3 months or so I go to the studio where I got hooked on dance to get that thrill of dancing with my “Frank Sinatra” teacher for about 3 hours privates at once , and I am still charmed as before, but crash has long gone.



  9. and123

    and123 Well-Known Member

    and come on, we've all thought at one time or another that maybe, just maybe, we could get that uber-hot gay guy to switch teams :cool:
  10. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    hahahaha. I can honestly say I've never thought that. ;)
  11. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member

    I know one person tried, but she said she failed. Lol.
  12. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    See, what got me, was the fact that he was all smiley, friendly, touchy (hand on my arm, etc)... but did he ever ONCE return my question of, "So, how was your week?" Yeah... I'm not demanding lengthy discussion, but even a "friend" would have volleyed the question back.... at least ONCE! LOSER...
  13. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i know that thought cross my mind eons ago...17...freshman in college. crushed on a very cute gay guy. glad i got that outa my system early on.
  14. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    Only ONE guy I've ever crushed on turned out to be gay... and there wasn't any big signs either... [shrugs]
  15. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Just had to top this one to celebrate the fact that I'm getting away from the crush. IT, not HIM. I will miss HIM, I will not miss The Crush. There is a difference.

    Can't wait to move and meet a whole new dance community out in Delaware. :)
    One week to go!
  16. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member

    Congrats WW!

    Wish you find a real one, not crush in a new place!;)
  17. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Let me revise that. I will not miss him.
  18. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I'm done. I'm not doing my last lesson or showcase and I don't care how much money I've now thrown away. It just wasn't worth it, it was a horrible decision, I should have ended it months ago, everyone who told me this was right.
  19. Subliminal

    Subliminal Well-Known Member

    Don't beat yourself up too much. Lessons learned and all that. Just think of making a fresh start with your new teacher.
  20. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I seriously wanted to just quit. Still handling it the best I can.

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