Crush on Instructor...

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by summer280, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    I know I can not be 'friends' with him as I need distance if I am to get over this. It hurts like hell and I wish I had never got into it, but it's too late to turn back the clock
  2. Wannabee

    Wannabee Active Member

    We live and hopefully we learn (if we are lucky). You have acknowledged your lack of good judgement and have shown remorse for your actions, set a plan in motion to rectify the situation, and from what I can tell, have stuck to your guns. It sounds to me like you are handling this as well as anyone that might have found themselves in this unfortunate situation. Don't continue to beat yourself up about it as it will only hinder the healing process. Just keep waking up and putting one foot in front of the other, breathing, existing, and doing what needs to be done in day to day life. After a while, you will find yourself laughing and enjoying things again in spite of yourself.
    pygmalion likes this.
  3. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    Thanks for the encouragement. I think I need every bit of it. I wish I could fast forward myself into that place where I don't feel so raw inside. Yesterday I almost drove by his studio, then I stopped myself. It would serve no purpose to see if his car is there and maybe run into him. So I was able to do something else, until that feeling passed. I have not danced for 2 weeks and that on top of everything else, feels like dying. I have set up a class with a new instructor in a different location more distance to drive. Class is on saturday.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    excellent...stay the course
    Larinda McRaven likes this.
  5. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    best of luck sbrnsmith:)
  6. GGinrhinestones

    GGinrhinestones Well-Known Member

    Good luck sbrnsmith! It's a tough situation, but you're doing the right thing. Dancing may feel strange for a while, but give it a chance with this new instructor (or anyone else)...though it make take some time to make it about dancing again, eventually it can help heal you if you let it.
    Larinda McRaven likes this.
  7. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    Update ...I've had a few lessons with my new instructor and it is getting easier and more comfortable. He is also getting more comfortable around me. I had a 2 hour class yesterday and for the first time since the breakup, I felt alive again and enjoyed dance for the sake of dance. I am cautiously optimistic.
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    like.....I am really proud of you...I know how hard that is....
  9. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    I feel like I hit a roadblock. Everything was going well, although I was still having a hard time getting over this guy emotionally. Then I ran into him at a christmas party, and he asked me to come back and take classes with him. I did tell him I am with another teacher now for my lessons, but seeing him made all the feelings come rushing back. When he was standing in front of me, smiling, the memories of being with him became fresh again and now I feel like I'm starting from scratch again. When will this get better? I'm so sad now.
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    when you stop accidentally bumping into him...and probably not sooner than several years from now...but it will happen
  11. Standarddancer

    Standarddancer Well-Known Member

    Really looking for avoid him, going places or parties he normally won't go, just try your best not to give yourself another chance to bump into him ever again. Or just hire another teacher to go parties with you, so in case bump into him, with another teacher's presence and company, it is much less convenient for him to approach you to ask you to take lessons from him again.
    Mr 4 styles likes this.
  12. Wannabee

    Wannabee Active Member

    That's such an awkward and yuck situation. I remember after one ex-boyfriend absolutely broke my heart, I wanted to avoid any place he might be so badly that I didn't even go to the only mall in a rather small town for fear of bumping into him there. I would always be looking over my shoulder, didn't want to eat at certain restaurants, or wear certain articles of clothing (like a college hoodie) because they reminded me too much of times when we were together. My friends thought I was crazy, but whether crazy or not, that's what I needed to go through to heal. I KNEW if I saw him again, we would either pick up where we left off (and why do that when I know how that ends...in total heartache for me) or I would have to start all over and negate what little progress I might have made getting over him.

    Maybe I did take my efforts to avoid him to a bit of an extreme, but I knew I was too emotionally fragile to see him again any time soon. I wanted to get over him, and I was determined to do whatever it took to heal and move on, and to do it as quickly as possible (even though it took a long time, it would have taken even longer had I not done the things I did).

    Seeing him was something I was just not going to be able to handle well. I knew this, so I took measures to avoid him at all costs. But the main point was that I WANTED to get over him, and the sooner the better. It sounds to me like you are ready to get over this guy, so do what you have to do to make that happen.

    Best of luck sbrnsmith. You have a long road ahead of you. Dig deep, and find the courage to keep doing the right thing. Hugs...
    pygmalion likes this.
  13. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    Thank you all for your support. This situation is a consequence of my actions so I have noone to blame for it. After this incident, I realized that I have a good chance of running into him at comps. That will be awkward as well, specially being with a new instructor. Maybe I need to just be better prepared. At the holiay party, I was completely caught unaware, as I had no idea he would be there...it turns out he had a friend who knew the hosts...I am wondering if it will be not as bad if I am mentally prepared...I think the reason it hit me was because it was a surprise...as far as everything else, I am getting back into the groove with the new instructor and like my classes so far. After our first comp, will know better how we do.
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    walk a huge circle around him at the comp...
  15. Derek Salsero

    Derek Salsero New Member

    Haha, I had a crush on my salsa instructor, Then I became a salsa instructor and I suspect a few students have a crush on me. I guess it happens between men and woman being in close proximity.
  16. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    Thanks for replying, but I think my situation is a lot more complicated
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    How are you doing, sbrnsmith?
  18. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    I guess I am doing ok. On most days I function fairly well and do the stuff I am supposed to get done. He's never too far from my thoughts though and it seems I have no control over that. I remember how fun it was in the beginning and how swept off my feet I was. On the other hand, getting along well with new instructor, although I tend to be private in front of him, so I don't have to explain anything. We are preparing for comp. It still feels wierd dancing with someone new. As everyone has said, it's going to take a while...
  19. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Thanks for checking in. It can be tough. Depending on how deeply he got himself into your mind/heart, it may take a while. But i am glad you're hanging in there. *hug*
  20. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    Update...now I am starting to feel closer to my new teacher. Unlike the previous situation, where my ex dance teacher had a girlfriend, this one does not. I am wondering if it would be a bad idea to ask for a date. But I also wonder if he is my rebound in my efforts to get over my old dance teacher. With the experience from my old situation, I have been way more careful this time and not get too emotionally involved or in a crush type situation where I can't think clearly. But I like him. I don't know what to do.

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