General Dance Discussion > Crush on Instructor...

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by summer280, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Seems like a wise course of action to me. :cool:
  2. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    :shock: I don't know, seems like about as likely as ocean from property in Kansas. ;) :lol:
  3. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

  4. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure why but this post had me with this popping out of my mind ...

    Maybe it is time for some tango. ;)
  5. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    From what you describe, he might be struggling as well. Maybed giving him some time, and yourself some time, then you'll both find a way to work it out for yourselves first, and then both of you will be more ready to address the situation jointly.
  6. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    This seems like another good idea. :cool:
  7. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Well, it depends on how you look at crushes. Crushes can be very helpful... especially when it comes to dance. However, if taken to the extreme then it might become very unhealthy especially if it comes to dance. ;)
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    mini highjack...i just love it when DP comments on like 12 different posts in a row...dunno why...I just like it
  9. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I like it too :) .
    I feel it gives a personal touch and that's he's really sincere in his views.
  10. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Thank you. :D :notworth:

    I read alot, find many other posters to be worth conversing with, and post accordingly. :cool:
  11. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Thanks to you as well. Much appreciated that you recognize my sincerity. :cool:
  12. waltzgirl

    waltzgirl Active Member

    It's a good idea for you to take control over the distance between you. As you've described it, he pulls you closer, dangles the possibility of more, then pushes you away. Whether he's manipulative or confused, that kind of behavior is guaranteed to stoke your feelings and keep your hopes going (intermittent reinforcement and all that). The solution is for you to take charge and set the boundaries for closeness--be friendly, but don't suggest more or respond to his hints. Focus on your dancing, enjoy his company, and walk out of the studio. That will give your feelings a chance to calm down, give him some space to figure himself out if he needs to, and whatever will happen, will happen.

    And if you are afraid that you'll lose his interest if you don't ride his emotional roller coaster, that's a big warning! You don't want to be in a relationship based on that.
  13. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    ooh, good one!
  14. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I agree with Larinda. That's a very good point.

    And if anything instructors are salesman (if they are good), they will do almost anything to get your business. You have to realize that let's say in my case, the guy made me mad, I have to think why did they call me, then I think, they just want my money I'm going elsewhere. It's a business. They just care about the money first and foremost. That's why you have to realize what you want and go for it and forget about the other drama going on.
  15. danzur

    danzur New Member

    I wish I was so lucky as to have a dance student and I fall for each other. :( I teach social dancing at a community centre, so there aren't any restrictions except the rules I hold for myself. (I always tell my students that I a just another person when I dance with them to show them how something feels/looks like because I have been told many times I am intimidating. What's that all about???)
  16. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    I almost always find it intimidating to dance with a teacher or someone significantly better than me. It's the thought that they're going to notice EVERYTHING I do wrong, and the guilt (not quite the right word, but oh well) that I'm holding them back from really having fun. Oh well.

    Regarding the OP...I second what Larinda said a while back. Recognize it as a crush, enjoy the warm-fuzzy feeling, and leave it at that. Realize that dancing, with the somewhat intimate (relative to normal amounts of contact with near-strangers) contact, and the personal attention you're being shown in the lesson, and the endorphin rush you get from the dancing, all combine to induce some very love-like feelings. But if you recognize it for what it is and what it isn't, and set up some very clear boundaries for yourself, there's nothing wrong (IMO) with enjoying that happy feeling. I find that it passes, no harm done, and there's a nice fondness that remains.

    For myself, I've "fallen" for every one of my dance teachers. I enjoy the crush while it lasts, and then enjoy it when it's over. With my first teacher, though, I still feel like I have a crush on him after any smooth lesson--especially waltz. Of course, I pretty much feel like I hate him and could strangle him after a rhythm lesson, lol.
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    And, in response to your point, Peaches, I think you're absolutely right. At least for some people, quietly crushin and enjoying the warm fuzzies is the best possible course.

    But I also think that fascination's earlier point was correct, as well. Keeping it to oneself in a positive way may not be possible for some people.

    My bottom line is, whatever course you take, consider the potential consequences carefully. Then make the best possible choice, given what you know and who you are. :cool:

    And then there's the messy bit. Sometimes teachers and students (or teachers and teachers or partners and partners or all sorts of other inappropriate pairings) really do fall in love, over and above the infatuation that's perfectly normal. Then what? :?
  19. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Yeah, if nothing else, that was BIGASS CLUE #1 that what I had been feeling was crush! You know it's not real when you can predect how you'll feel about your teacher based on what dance you work on.

    Waltz = love. Tango = lust. Foxtrot = sexy/elegant.

    Rumba = argumentative (I AM settled all the way into my hip! What? You don't believe me?!?! Tell me how, exactly, I'm supposed to get any more motion out of that joint... *taps foot, hands on hips, defiantly*).

    Cha = screw you and the horse you rode in on.

    Samba = Oh, Hells no.

    Mambo, Bolero = No. Find something else. No. I'm not even going to bother getting my shoes on unless you find something else. Waltz? Sure! Will you marry me?
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    (Yes, B. This is a family-friendly forum ... sometimes. :lol: )

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