General Dance Discussion > Dance Tips for Men and Women

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by danceguy, May 31, 2004.

  1. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

  2. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I like that one about "I'm not asking you about your morals". I'm definitely going to try it out on one of mu non-dancing acquaintances :) Not soemthing I would try on a stranger, though. When a person doe snot know and hesitates to dance I don't think that is something they want to hear.
  3. dr daffy

    dr daffy New Member

    haha, those are interesting... good tips :wink:
  4. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    The best way to get more dances is to be SEEN out there having fun (ok, NOT at the expense of the others)!

    Your exuberance will draw the others to you 8) .

    Ask, but NEVER take rejection personally. It happens to all of us, and there could be a million & one factors (eg. he/she got their minds set on someone else, having an off-night etc.). I get rejected regularly, but those who reject me generally ask me to dance later (same night or the next) anyway.
  5. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

    Good point SC...but it can be very hard to be seen having fun if the only available dance partners all turn you down (been there once or twice). To be able to be noticed that you are having fun, someone has to say yes to the more people do this, the more you will see them dance!

    Of course, this is coming from a guy where the men far outnumber the ladies at all the dance venues... :?

  6. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    SG, why don't you guys invite each other then? Find a guy who can dance as a woman and dance with him... :) I'm not joking... I do that here... I invite ladies, and I'm a lady... but a lady who knows how to lead... so, if there are very few guys, I dance with girls... :)

    The tips are great... the 'socially-retarded behaviour' is very common in my club too... but there are some girls who have evolved :) (I'm one of them...). Nice topic anyway
  7. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    that is very very true

    i believe this would be one of my weakness points in dance :?
    i understand the implications of it.. but i have to say that no matter what i still have trouble accepting it.. i just dont like it.. and cant help to take it personally on some levels cause i'm the one being turned down, no matter what the excuse unless its really a problem like u cant stand on your feet anymore, u need to run to the bathroom or explode, u twisted your ankle, the person asking smells bad, they are sleazers etc..

    Thankfully i dont get rejected much, yet still can't get myself to be ok with it unless the lady is a personal good friend of mine and i know her well.. thats why i implore all to not reject anyone unless the circumstances are indeed dire or that both of u are very used to each other that its ok ..

    when this happens to me.. i try one more time later, just for the benefit of the doubt, and if its another rejection i just dont never ask her again.. and when they come later asking me i usually refuse in return, then a little later i go to them and say "that didnt feel good did it?" .. :roll:
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    These are good tips, SG. Being shy isn't a problem for me, but some of the tips apply across the board, I think. 8)
  9. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    A lot of salseros out there I know seem to have similar opinions as Sabor.

    Generally, so I got told........there's a '3-time-strike' rule: "ask her once, ask her twice, but NEVER the third time!"

    Do you guys out there ALL share this practice.....? Should the girls adopt it too......? Am I a push-over in accepting otherwise :? .......?

    *for crying out loud all I want is a dance :roll: ......nothing more*
  10. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    know what.. i'd really rather a lady tells me straight up that she doesn't prefer dancing with me for whatever reason.. i'd totally accept/respect that without second thought.. instead of the misleading 'sorry not now, just need a breather' etc. and the rest of the laim excuses list that are quite obviously not the case.. one can tell u know.. or atleast i think i can.. so there's no need for excuses at all i believe.. honesty will do much better even if its negative.. after all its just chemistry.. we share it with some and not others.. accepteable fact of life.. no need for misleading here because then it gets personal.
  11. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Well...if I ask a person a couple times and they say no, they dance with others, and give me lame excuses when I ask them, I won't ask them that night. I might try once another night, then I will just ignore them from then on. I know that certain people dance only certain styles etc etc, but since I'm willing to do whatever style they are used to, though I may not be able to necessarily execute as many moves as the style that I am most comfortable with, I will do not consider this a reasonable excuse.

    The issue is that there are a lot fewer men who can and are willing to dance as follows compared to ladies. Nice suggestion squirrel, but I think SG will have even less luck with that. It's the really good dancers who can do both roles and they are usually busy dancing with the ladies.
  12. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    You said it, Sabor!

    In addition to that, I also really appreciate it when guys turn me down very quickly! Becuase this means I STILL have time to ask someone else before it's too late for that song :p !

    Afterall, we don't wanna waste a perfectly good song now, do we :wink: ?
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I like the way you think, salsachinita. Why waste time? :wink: :lol:
  14. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I also follow the three strikes rule. I rarely get asked to dance...I like to think that it's because I'm a teacher and they're intimidated! So, I usually have to ask for my dances...if someone turns me down, I won't ask them again that night unless they give a good reason and ask for a rain check. If they reject me twice with no reason, I won't ask them again...but I will accept graciously if they ask me. I just don't need that much rejection!!
  15. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

    I like the way you think Sabor. :D

    I am the same way, I much prefer someone to be honest and say no if they really don't want to dance with me. Sharing a dance with someone who is bored or on another planet is no fun at all...why put yourself into such a situation? An honest "no" is better than a lame excuse any day of the week. It is tough not to take it personally...especially if they get up and dance with someone else right away. :?

    The only time I've ever said no to women is when I'm getting ready to leave...other than that I always say yes. If I'm too tired (very rare) then if I say no to one lady I will sit the entire song out, in respect.

    Hmm, I don't have a three strike rule...its just one strike for me. It all depends on how the person replies, but if they say no then I won't ask them again that night. I may ask them another time...but if they are really rude, they go on the greylist...;)

    Good point SC...I typically try and have three women lined up, so if one says no, I'll run over to the next one! I don't like to sit down once I'm on a roll. :p

    Squirrel - Call me old fashioned, but I'm not into dancing with other guys. Besides, I don't think any of the ones I know would be good followers. :twisted:

  16. tj

    tj New Member

    Hmm... I don't have a written-in-stone 3 strike rule, but if I remember getting rejected more than a few times by a woman or even rejected rudely once, then I'm not going to ask her any more.

    I don't have a problem an outright stone-cold "I don't like dancing with you". I do have a problem with the ones who are inconsistent - the ones who want to dance with you only when there's nothing better around. Also, it's way too much effort trying to figure out when an inconsistent women is in a good mood or not. Much easier to dance with women who appreciate you (and likewise, you appreciate them.)

    It makes my life easier to separate women into three categories: those who don't appreciate dancing with me, those who do appreciate dancing with me, and the great unknown (of whom I am trying to figure out which of the two categories to put her in).
  17. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I too don't have the 3 strikes you are out rule...and as for people being rude I have an issue with that. While I apprectaite honesty above all else people should practice common courtesies say no, correctly, properly. Have you considered people with whom you will only dance certain dances tj? I know one person, the hopping gal, whom I can dance cumbia/forro with and I'm happy to dance quite a few of these with her. Now if she asks me for a salsa I just do one and make my escape. I know she wants to dance, and I'm sure she has figured this out as she will ask me if forro or cumbia comes on. Then there are those I just save merengue for because they love it, or a bachata. I may not even enjoy dancing salsa, or cha cha, with the same people, as different dances bring out different qualities in people.
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    It's really interesting to hear everybody's take on the refusal of dances issue. I remember quite a few threads last summer and fall where the consensus seemed to be that one should never turn down a dance. What happened? Just a different mix of people? :?: :roll:
  19. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I don't think that I was there. :oops: :( If it was last summer. I remember threads like this after I joined October 24!! I agree with the priniciple of never refusing a dance but along with that is the understanding that you'll give it your "all". Perhaps you won't be spinning 100 times if you dance with a beginner, but you are together for a few minutes and for that time you give each other the best that you have that matches the other person to the best of your ability. If that isn't your intention when you agree to dance then you are not being fair to me.
  20. ShyDancer

    ShyDancer New Member

    Sometimes you just have to be rude and anti-social to save your own sanity......

    I have only ever turned down ONE dance that I knew how to do, and that was a Jive with the most annoying man on earth...he is one of those types that talk non-stop thru the entire dance about crap, but you smile and nod and listen politely, praying for the song to end... then he will follow you around the rest of the night, and no one asks you to dance because he is permanently at your side :evil: I experienced it once with him and never again! If I see him looking for a partner I either quickly find myself one or get up and leave the floor area.
    I know its a terribly rude thing to do, but he is just one of those people you an only tolerate in small, small a passing "hey there/ hi "

    I , for the most part turn down the dances that I dont know (slowly that list is getting smaller!) but it has no effect on getting asked to dance again by the same partner. Most of the leads know the couple of dances that I dont know, One said to me once "Id ask you to dance but you dont know this one" :lol: sometimes they offer to teach me, sometimes they walk past and smile and tell me "Im coming for you the next one", one even comes to sit with me sometimes if Im alone.

    I dont have a paticular "type" that I prefer to dance with, anyone who smiles, enjoys the dance and can lead a basic pattern is fine by me!

    *Edit: My spelling is atrocious!

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