Feelings developing?

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by MissyK, Oct 18, 2005.

  1. MissyK

    MissyK New Member

    I'm not sure if anybody's had this experience.

    My partner is super good to me. He drives me everywhere, and we've become close friends even outside of dancing. We study together.

    I recently endured a long period of depression. And he helped me through it. We've begun taking private lessons together because I couldn't stay in a group class for psychological reasons.

    I'm not sure if I'm beginning to have feelings for him. Is it only because we're dance partners so we have that closeness...both physical and emotional?

    Can anyone enlighten me?

    Will it ruin the partnership?
  2. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    There are many who've been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt...and they've shared their experiences here, if you only search...
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    yes, its very normal...and yes it can mess up the partnership...and if you are only at the" I think I might be attracted" phase, it is the easiest time and a very good idea to talk with a counselor about this, especially if you have had some hx of depression ...be careful not to idealize him or let your time with him become too important to you...and as Joe said, if you search back a few pages, you will find MANY threads on this...take care of yourself...because no one else can do that for you...hug...(signed eleanor roosevelt... sorry, inside joke on myself)
  4. standardgirl

    standardgirl New Member

    Indeed, please do NOT idealize him or let your time with him become improtant or become something you look forward to all the time.

    If you are just starting to develop the feeling, it's probably better to hold yourself from it and pull yourself back a little bit. Have you been going out with your non-dancing friends recently? Go out with your other friends from school (you are in college, right?), and student with them. :friend:
  5. mummsie

    mummsie Member

    hi, This is very normal. I had the same experience when I was 18. Fell for my dancing partner. We got engaged after 8 weeks, we married, have had 32 wonderful years together (still dance competition together after a few years break) and have 2 fantastic children who both also dance. One (daughter) is engaged to her dancing partner - my son is happily single but great friends with his current dancing partner and also has keeps in touch with past dancing partners and are all good friends.
    You just have to work out what is good for you. Gayle :D
  6. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    oooh! A success story. people do fall in love and marry their danec partner...hmmm...maybe I should go out to more dances..
  7. dancing_princess

    dancing_princess New Member

    LOL - you and me both!
  8. dancing_princess

    dancing_princess New Member

    Missy, I would say be very careful. Sounds like he's being a very good friend. And, before getting into *any* romantic relationship, you should make sure that you are on stable feet. In other words, take care of Missy first.

    Good luck.
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I hate to be the annoying voice of negativity , really I am a romantic (that's why I KNOW about these problems :wink: ) but let me just note that those are rare exceptions statistically speaking and they develope whe two people are in healthy space with one another .....so again , caution
  10. luh

    luh Active Member

    there are really plenty of threads about it already.

    Anyway, my 2 cents to it:

    why shouldn't it be normal to like someone a little more.

    It can ruin a partner ship, but it can also tie it closer together. It really depends on you 2.
    luh
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    again it depends upon OP's use of terms: "depression and psychological reasons"... if OP has been clinically depressed and has had issues significant enough to need to avoid group settings....OP (original poster) may be much too dependent upon her partner for her own percieved sense of well -being....while there may be commonality to other person's circumstances...the degree of fragility from person to person can vary greatly, the strongest person should not venture into these waters without significant reinforcements and support.....CANNOT emphasize this point enough
  12. Missy, I think others are very wise when they say to take care of yourself before diving into a relationship. While it's very tempting to develop something that you feel helps you to survive day by day ... you certainly don't want to find yourself depending on this person for everything. Sooner or later it'll probably become a problem for one or both of you.

    The healthiest thing to do would be to take care of whatever's bothering you first, if possible (of course your partner can help you here). But perhaps you should leave the romantic part out of the equation until you're sure it's because you really want to develop an intimate relationship with this particular person, not just because you're looking for a quick-fix or distraction from other issues.

    Hope that helps and good luck to you ...!
  13. luh

    luh Active Member

    but sometimes it's better to try it out - otherwise it might bug you all the time later "dang, i should have at least tryed", if it doesn't work - it'll show. You shouldn't stop because sth bad "could" happen. Sth bad can happen everywhere, everytime!
    luh
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    not when there are extenuating psychological circumstances....when we are not healthy we cannot make healthy choices....if something is healthy, it can wait...again, it is hard to tell because the terms used by the young lady can be general or clinical.....if we are talking 'everyday run of the mill everyone gets it from time to time" depression, that is one thing...if we are talking about something more and we are also talking about needing to avoid group setting...we have to be careful about assuming that our own circumstance is the same as someone elses lest we inadvertantly encuorage them unwittingly into something that would be much more psychologically harmful to them than it would be to us....this could be a bit more complex than you can imagine ...but maybe not....missy will certainly do what she chooses to do , as it should be
  15. luh

    luh Active Member

    i guess our disagreement is some more fundamental. I think unhealthy people can make healthy decissions.
    luh
  16. lynn

    lynn New Member

    healthy discussions? of course, it's just that objectivity may be of a concern. Think about it, when you're not feeling well (psychologically or physically), you "feel" a little differently (ie, maybe needing mroe attention, more dependent....etc).
  17. dTas

    dTas New Member

    Missy,

    do you know much about his situation? his personal life? for example... is he married? i know that's probably not the case but just wondering how much of his personal life do you know?

    you may be falling for his "dance persona" but know nothing about his life off the dance floor.

    do you two do things away from dancing? do you ever spend time together that isn't somehow related to dancing, going to dinner after practice doesn't count.
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    possible, but far less likely,... and the bigger issue is whether they have the capacity to weather a difficult situation....and of course a person can simply be "unhealthy"-- for lack of a better term-- in one or two very minor ways... still, there is a tendency for people to act out of that space....not a certainty, but a tendency.
  19. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    lynn, he meant decisions not discussions...but your point is valid either way IMO
  20. lynn

    lynn New Member

    :shock: :shock:

    O.K. - that's definately a sign that i need new glasses!

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