Feelings developing?

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by MissyK, Oct 18, 2005.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    here is my advice...as a married woman...and trust me, I know what it is that I am asking of you...if you are married, unless you are certain that you don't want your marriage regardless of how it goes with this dance romance, walk away from the dance relationship and invest your time and energy in seeing if you can revitalize the relationshiop you have...those things, even if seemingly dormant, can be revitalized...but the schism in attention between the two undermines that...fantasy, physical proximity and newness can feel very much like love but have none of the stability and depth that a dormant but truly deep relationship has....my prayers to you...all I can say is that getting what we want can sometimes be the worst thing that could ever happen to us...no one can live this for you...but do not be blinded by the heady nectar of the mystery of someone new over the substance of what you have but which may need some work...good luck
     
  2. MissKitty

    MissKitty New Member

    Sorry also - Im not contemplating any fantasy relationships?
     
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    now is a crazy time for me so I can't promise promptness, but am more than happy to discuss this via pm as time allows
     
  4. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    I know you are keeping some things secret; nonetheless I am skeptical of what you say above.

    However, at this point I defer entirely to Fascination.
     
  5. MissKitty

    MissKitty New Member

    Thanks, no I am not married, but in a relationship for 2 years and we live together.

    The predominant idea Im getting from the other threads/responses, is that I might be freaking out a little prematurely.

    Many people have mentioned its pretty normal to have a bit of a crush when you first start dancing with someone.

    Maybe I should just enjoy it for what it is, a crush, and it may just disapate as time goes on. If it does not then I will have to worry about it then.
     
  6. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    this could be a possibility for the time being: don't feed it, don't dramatize it, let it be what it is on the floor, focus on the dancing and how the dancing can benefit from this chemistry. by your not dramatizing it or freaking out about it, it may settle into something comfortable and fulfilling...and clearly NOT romantically inclined, but artistic & creative.

    kitty, i suspect you are far from the first to experience powerful chemistry with a new partner and wonder "What.Is.This". i've heard of other partnerships that were remarkable from the first moment they took hold.

    but.

    it doesn't mean that chemistry is meant for or holds the potential for a relationship of substance off the floor. if you decide to stay in the partnership, my advice is to keep boundaries VERY clear: dance coachings, practices, competitions/performances only...and then back to your personal life, where you have a relationship that may be of the sort of substance you really need off the floor.

    invest in it and bring out all the good things in it you know are there, and let the magic with your dance partner be for dance. course, you're the only one who can know if that's the dynamic or arrangement that is workable for you.

    but based on your musings...that's the feedback that comes to mind. very best wishes to you, dear...
     
  7. MissKitty

    MissKitty New Member

    Thanks fasc, I really appreciate that.
     
  8. Jananananana

    Jananananana Active Member

    My advice is talk to your partner before something physical happens. Use real words such as, "I think we could have a good romantic relationship, however, I'm afraid putting pressure on our dance relationship." As the relationship blossoms, keep revisiting the conversation every now and then (just don't over do it...)
    Don't let things -just happen.- That doesn't bode well for anyone and it will probably end up with one or both people crying on a bathroom floor in a hotel room at a comp with a bottle of tequila.
     
  9. clumsy fellow

    clumsy fellow Active Member

    "No, I don't believe that to be true. How can we dance together and not explore a relationship, we both feel the same way. Hiding our feelings will put even more pressure on our dancing. Maybe we should just take a break and stop dancing until we sort this out."

    Now, where are you?
     
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I think it is really important to focus on what one felt about the current relationship prior to the "crush"...if that was a compromise or a lukewarm union to begin with, that is one matter, if it is a devoted committed relationship...then that needs to be dealt with before doing anything that inadvertantly encourages the other...and if anyone gets told of what is going on, it ought to be the one you are with...if you are going to tell him, then you have a responsibility to a) at the very least do nothing with the new partner and if the feeling becomes obviously mutual with intent then you have to tell the one you are with or b) actively discourage the externals beyond dancing...bottom line...treat both the way you would want to be treated in the same scenario...and don't rationalize bad behavior..do whatever you do the right way...you know what that it...and no one here can decide that for you...hug
     
  11. MissKitty

    MissKitty New Member

    Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of your input and advice, its really helpful for me especially putting things into persepective.

    I have no intention on letting anything physical develop while I am in a relationship as being unfaithful is against everything I stand for. Just to clear that up for everyone.

    At this point I guess I just wanted input from others who probably due to the nature of what we do possibly could have been in this situation before!

    As Fasc says, I need to figure out how I feel about my current relationship first. Its not 100% and I have been honest with my partner (boyfriend) about this aspect. He is well aware that I am unsure of our relationship.

    I am also well aware that the feelings Im getting when with my latin partner could well disappear in a short while as quickly as they appeared, and I am not prepared to lose a potentially fantastic dance partnership because I just 'MIGHT' have feelings for him. Because at this stage it is a physical attraction and nothing more. I dont know him well enough to have feelings on a deeper level.

    I just need tips and advice on dealing with the physcial attraction in the meantime (e.g. how to ignore it!) while I give myself the time to decipher how I feel about my current relationship, regardless of any outside influences (e.g. latin partner)

    I am at all times very aware of being honest with my boyfriend and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. Which is why I dont want to go running and telling him Im attracted to my Latin partner when it could well turn out to be nothing but a physical attraction to a new partner of the opposite sex that may well disappear in a couple of weeks.

    I hope that makes sense, I dont think Im doing a particularly good job of getting my point across sorry :(
     
  12. Jananananana

    Jananananana Active Member

    I thought you were single...

    Well, then we have a very different story. First, sort out your priorities: what do YOU want in life. What are your goals as a life partner and as a dance partner? (we're talking about two different partnerships here....)

    Is your partner at home treating you well? Is you partner at home good to you? Do you work well together? Do you communicate well, etc? Or is there something bothering you about the partnership at home that makes you want to look for romance elsewhere? (Don't answer... just something to think about.)

    It's ok to have feelings or be attracted to people even your dance partner. It's natural. Like you said though, it's important to draw the line and stick firmly to your priorities. If you have a good thing going at home, don't venture elsewhere.

    As a wise man once said, "Why go out for burgers when you have steak at home?"
     
  13. dancerdol

    dancerdol Member

    I think that wise man was Paul Newman talking about Joanne Woodward - his wife.

    The nature of Latin dancing can lead to attraction even if you are in a relationship. Try and think about it as "acting" - you are broadcasting sexiness and attraction through the dancing and he should be also and then you shake it off and walk away.
     
  14. debmc

    debmc Well-Known Member

    I agree dancerdol. Latin dancing can put us in touch with our OWN sensuality, and that may be expressed in dance, but has no association with actual feelings towards the person we are dancing with. I love to "dance sexy" at social dances with people that I don't even know. It's just fun and keeps me in touch with that side of myself.
     
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    well look ...we are physical beings...we have a fairly basic response to pleasant touch from an attractive member of whatever sex we find intriguing...we are human...we are going to notice that...regardless of interest in the person...for me, I have enough technique to worry about and enough complexity in my life that it is fairly easy to compartementalize these days...but wen i was new, and didn't see it coming or know how common it was, it was terifying and worrisome...time will tell...hang in there
     

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