Flower boy is not getting any dates from me!!!

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by SPratt74, May 19, 2006.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    its only pushy or desperate if you overthink it and/or pester the daylights out of him...just doing it and moving on is a grown up response...as long as he is free to say no without you putting on ashes and sack cloth...;)
  2. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    That makes sense! I know the nights that he wanted to go. So, maybe what I'll do is remind him like tonight for instance, and I'll tell him about the parties this weekend since I don't work tomorrow... sort of like an end of the week reminder thing. I was going to anyways, but it's nice to know that it doesn't seem pushy etc. I was worried about that. ;)
  3. DancePoet

    DancePoet New Member

    A short date can be affordable or expensive. I wasn't advocating short because of finances. I'm advocating short because it's the wise way to start things off. A short date gives time to see if you can relate one on one without putting one's self in a situation that is difficult to get out of, if things are going poorly.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    some of the best guys need to be...ahem, invited;)
  5. ssjss

    ssjss New Member

    Speaking as a guy, it can be a turn on to be invited sometimes. Who wants to be in charge all the time?
  6. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Well, I reminded him about the classes tonight, and he said that he had to much going on this week, but that he would be there next week. I do know he was upset this week, and I finally got him to cheer up today. My boss had us working together all day, and I only had two hours of sleep last night. He realized that and started to poke fun when he could lol. But then by the end of the day, I got him to laugh, and he was singing slow songs quietly by me when we were working (great voice by the way)! He also made sure to say goodbye to me tonight whereas usually we don't say anything at all. So, I'm just happy that I got him to cheer up. That's all that mattered to me today.
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    :cool: I am glad I learned this and I have often found it to be useful
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    just be careful spratt...be careful that other things continue to matter....
  9. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Ask him out already. Jeez.
  10. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    I really think its important to have the guy ask... you can always force the issue giving him your phone number, and saying "why don't you give me a call sometime?" or even "if I gave you my phone number, would you call me sometime?"

    (Guys will always be very comfortable with women expressing what they want... but often they will react badly to being asked directly. and the distinction of getting him to ask if an important one... that requires him to take an action, rather than being reactive.)
  11. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    See, this is what confuses me. Some people say it's ok to ask and some people don't like the idea of you asking. You know that when I was in college, I was so good at this. I would ask the guys if they wanted to grab a bite to eat. Since everything was in walking distance, we would get to know each other that way, and it never failed... we always ended up together. I used to be really good at this stuff. Why is this so hard the older that you get?
  12. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    I think that the whole thing about having to take an action is important there... probably more important than comfort level. Having to ask someone changes your perception of that person... you have to actually consider whether you want to ask her, rather than just going with the flow.

    (sometimes they are so easy you can't even bring yourself to comment...)
  13. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    That makes sense. But you also have to consider what kind of mood they are in that day. This past week would not have been a good idea to bring up anything in other words, because I knew he wasn't in a good mood. But I did remind him of the classes, and I did give him the calendar as to which I knew he was appreciative for! ;)
  14. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    You don't need to eat lunch at work? :rolleyes:
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Maybe because you see the stakes as higher. :? I know it's hard, but, if you can find a way to relax and see the guys you meet closer to the way you see girls you meet -- as nice people, potentially friends -- then the stress level might go down a bit.

    If you see guys you meet as potential romantic interests, right out of the gate, yikes! Lots of pressure. Everything takes on more significance than it really has.

    Not picking on you, Spratt. I can say, from my own experience, that, when I'm out of the market, so to speak, it's very, very easy to meet guys. Everything's super casual, just between friends. No big deal. If I were seeing each guy I met as a potential romantic interest or possible future husband, I'd be frozen. Well ... no, I wouldn't. I've gotten fairly fearless in my old age. lol. But it would be a lot harder to meet guys in the self-confident, powerful frame of mind that I like so much.
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I agree with P...you can't look at every opportunity as the pivotal moment in which you stand to lose the potential love of your life....and actually IMO there is no such thing...there are lots and lots and lots of wonderful people to love...besides it's that urgency that I think is what AD is referring to as what turns guys off when a woman asks anyway....guys ask one another if they want to catch a game together or something all the time and no one thinks about asking for a minute or about what a "NO" means either....and in that particular way I am pretty doggone sure guys wish women would follow suit....
  17. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Lol! Believe it or not, but I don't look at every opportunity as losing the love of my life. I might be a romantic, but I'm not that crazy lol. The only time that I even think like that is if a guy does show some interest in me personally, but not like at a friendly level if you know what I mean. You can tell the older you get who wants to be just friends. The difficult part that I was talking about is when you come across someone that gives you signals that they want something more. Then what do you do? But yeah... at this day and age... why waste your time on someone that has no interest in you? I know as kids you tend to do that, but hopefully not so much when you are an adult.
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hmmm... I'm not going to comment on the whole Flower Boy saga. :rolleyes:

    But, that said, if it's still in print, take a look at a book called, IIRC, How to Marry the Man of Your Choice. (No. I wasn't man-hunting when I read it. It's just a catchy title. lol ) Anyway, the book talks about what you just said -- the idea that, in order to get what you want (be that friendship, marriage, or anything in between,) you have to, first, know what you want and then seek out people who want the same thing.

    That is, if you want to get married, why waste your time on guys who want to play the field? Or, if you want to be "just friends," why be hurtful enough to prolong a relationship with a guy who wants to get married?

    I think the book advocates a pretty cool, take-charge approach to relationships. Definitely worth skimming. I probably wouldn't buy it. lol. But I'd sure read it over a cup of coffee at Starbucks. :cool:
  19. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Since we are talking about books, have you ever read, He's Not That Into You lol? It's a funny book that really gives good advice from a guy's point of view. I also have the book, She's Not That Into You, but I haven't had the chance to read it yet!
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    well, in that case...that eliminates alot of the need to hem and haw over what kind of approach to take, IMO

Share This Page