Here's a different perspective: I can dance the woman's role very well and I have never learned any of the "steps" (e.g. ocho, molinete, etc.) However, I can do them perfectly fine as long as the man is clear in his lead. But, the problem is that most men don't dance very well. I hear the music but the men don't respond to it. For example, there may be a climactic phrase but we are just walking like the climax doesn't even exist. This bothers me because I feel one thing but my body is doing something else. At this point, my passivity feels wrong and I am tempted to move on my own. This may be the reason why many women become frustrated with simply being a "follower" because following these men is like a slow drive through hell. But this is simply the result of having such a low ratio of skilled male dancers to begin with. And for women, the likelihood that they would dance with a skilled male dancer is quite low, especially if the woman is also of low skill. Having dance after dance with bad dancers is no fun, either for the man or for the woman. This is probably the reason why women are so frustrated.