Genuine compliments?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by BrownSkin818, Jan 31, 2007.

  1. BrownSkin818

    BrownSkin818 New Member

    So I'm sure everyone at some point in their dance time has gotten a compliment. I've always assumed a giver's intent to be genuine and never thought much of it. Well last night, this guy comes up and extends some rather detailed praise. I'm quite flattered. He proceeds to ask me to dance the next song and of course I accept. Then later in the night, I'm sitting about 6/7 feet from him and another potential dance partner. I'm within earshot, and I hear him relay pretty much the exact compliment he gave me, to her! LOL, not that I think compliments are exclusive or anything, but the scenario just reeked of "if I compliment them first, they can't turn me down for a dance"... like that was his M.O. maybe?? For all I know he could have been being genuine to both of us. I just got such a chuckle out of it!

    So how are you with your compliments? Sparing? Lavish? Ever given or received one with questionable intent?
  2. alemana

    alemana New Member

    hahahah

    what a losah!
  3. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    I've gotten very effusive comments that usually go "are you latina? Cuz you move like one. God, I can't believe you've never even been to Latin America! It's like you were born to move this way! bla bla bla bla bla bla", and getting asked repeatedly to dance by the guy over and over. I thought it was a compliment on my dancing, but no. Because once I don't put out and drip all over him, he's complimenting some other girl (who REALLY can;t dance) the very same way. I've come to ignore compliments unless they come from complete non-dancers who're amazed by what they've seen (like at a a wedding), or an instructor who's pointing out my strengths during a lesson. I don't even listen to my instructors when they're complimenting me during a social event. They'll often introduce me to other dancers and herald me as if i were god's gift to salsa... but I know they're just advertising me and trying to get me more dances. Which is very kind, but i don't let it get to my head.

    Take all compliments in the dance scene and otherwise with a grain of salt. Unless someone is a very close friend, a loved family member, or in a particlarly honest frame of mind (this can happen during sincere practice with a partner), most compliments are self-serving, unoriginal, or manipulative. It's unfortunate but compliments are the best way to get something out of someone. I never used to be quite this cynical. I'm not in my personal life, but where salsa is concerned, I've learned to not get carried away or flattered too easily anymore. It usually ends badly.
  4. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    you fell for that! ha ha! :uplaugh:
  5. salsamale

    salsamale New Member

    I danced with a first-timer last night, and found myself complementing her, partly to boost her confidence, and partly because she was cute, and it was fun to see her get excited when she felt she did something correctly :).

    Then there was this advanced salsera, who I only watched, and didn't ask. Woah, could she move. Her body shake was like an earthquake during one descarga (I think this is the word), and I could swear my eardrums felt it when she moved. I did not dare complement her. I might get-up the courage to ask her to dance, but for now, am happy to admire her from the side. I suppose that is a complement in kind, being an admiring spectator.
  6. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    One word - Player

    (After watching Jaywalking last night, I hope I got it right and it means the same thing to you as to me!)
  7. tj

    tj New Member

    Lol, I've had this exact same conversation with a close friend of mine. I was pretty shocked when she told me about how a lot of salseras take compliments as a method to try to get into their pants.

    As a result, I hardly give out compliments. If we had a nice dance, it'll show on my face, which should be a sufficient enough compliment w/o having said a word.
  8. Hey thespina13, you look really hot in the avatar. What do you say we hit the dance floor.;) Sabor's avatar got nothing on me.
  9. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    i'm sparinng with mine.. not easily impressed
  10. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Don't hate the player, hate the game.
  11. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I give compliments when I feel they are due. Thanking a person after a dance and saying it was fun, even though it was is nothing.... I've complimented quite a few beginners because they listen to my request and follow. They feel where we are connected and pay attention to what I am suggesting. It may be just going from doing the basic forward/back to others such as side to side, 5th position breaks, back and then back to groove for the second half of the basic. That's a lot for a person who knows little to switch back and forth with ease. And I do even more than that often when I'm dancing...even to one song. I also compliment by asking for a second dance, later.
  12. I rarely compliment, but when I do it's sincere. And I'm not easily impressed either. I do however try to look for the good.
  13. noobster

    noobster New Member

    My best compliment is seeing one of my favorite leaders make a beeline for me from all the way across the floor when a good song comes on. :D

    Re verbal compliments: yes, many people are generous with them, which I actually think is nice. Why not make someone feel good if you can?
  14. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    I thnk it's great to encourage new dancers and old alike by compliments. But make them sincere. It's deflating when you've been complimented, see the leader dancing with someone who's obviously a mess, compliment her the way he complimented you, and then think to yourself "well was I like her?" It's deflating. Makes you feel like a fool for feeling good about the compliment. I love them when they're honest, and you can tell. A "that was fun", or "wow... I'm impressed... for someone who's only been dancing a year, you really move well." or, "gosh you make good eye contact." is so much more welcome than effusive, general comments praising her amazingness, especially if you're giving them to everyone. Or at least be discreet. Compliments ought to be sparing and honest. And I don't care if i'm not the greatest dancer on earth. Picking out one thing I do well is enough. Noticing that I have good isolations or have a really nice connection is good to know. I don't need to hear that I'm the hottest one in the bar and everyone is watching me because they're jealous.

    Lots of compliments are sincere. The sad truth is that lots are not. And it's really a blow to the ego when you find out the latter (which may be healthy. Everyone needs a good does of humility I guess).

    BTW... LoL... If you think I'm hot in my avatar, wait till you see me on the dance floor, LatinDancer. Sabor gets the first dance though. Unless you want to tag-team me ;) Did I tell you I love to watch you dance? You're one of the best ones up there! Really! I was intimidated when you asked me to dance...
  15. noobster

    noobster New Member

    Oh well. You know what the real compliments are: A huge smile. A glint in the eye that means "oh yes, dance chemistry!" A super-squeezy, I-really-mean-it thank-you hug at the end. A second dance... and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. Everything else is BS. ;)
  16. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    compl.

    The best compliments-- are those from strangers, with no vested interest .
  17. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    I had 2 that I remember now, both coming from well-known international instructors.

    One came from a lady, she said she would take a private in styling with me (I freaked out, of course, given that I think she is like one of the best stylers in the world and has been dancing for like 15 years...) but I guess she just wanted to encourage me. Of course, it worked! ;)

    The other was from a guy I danced with. He asked me where I was from and said I was a very good follower. That just about made my night... :)
  18. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Hell yes.
  19. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    :p , that's why never believe what guy says.
  20. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I try to do that, but sometimes I can't help giving out a :? smile.

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