Dancers Anonymous > Happy and/or Random Thoughts #3

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by samina, Oct 12, 2007.

  1. Zhena

    Zhena Well-Known Member

    Random question: how to seat 23 for Thanksgiving dinner (because daughter's BF brought brother plus sis brought in-laws plus nephew brought friends plus friend brought friends).

    Answer: eat outside, adding dining table plus extra table to patio furniture. 80 to 90-year-olds wore jackets, but 60-and-unders were perfectly comfortable in shirtsleeves because of unseasonably warm weather. (Global warming? Or random weather variations?)

    I've always been willing to add "just one more" on holidays, but seriously, folks, 20 is the maximum for a comfortable sit-down meal in my house. I can't imagine rejecting a guest due to space limitations, but should I say "no" at some point or or continue to hope that things will just work out?

    Happy thought: they're all gone now, and we have just the right amount of leftovers.
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you throw a wonderful meal/party. Too many guests is a nice problem to have. Everybody wants to be at your place. :cool:

    *already planning to crash next year's party* ;)
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yay. If I got lost on the way to my desert island, I'd be more than happy to get stranded on yours. :)
  4. chachachacat

    chachachacat Well-Known Member

    Isn't that kind of rude to bring extra guests to a sit-down dinner? without calling the hostess? Maybe she can only serve 12 or 4 or whatever! Just say no! Nicely of course, but, sorry, we just don't have enough room.
    My friend's family did this to her(brought uninvited guests), and she never said anything to them, just put up with it, and resented it. Being true to yourself and speaking your truth kindly is important.

    If you attitude is," the more the merrier," great! But if you have nowhere to seat them and no more silverware, well...

    Hoping does no good. Tell you family how you feel, and request that they check with you, or not feel so free to invite extras, or whatever your request is.
    It will be better! : )
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. It is rude to bring guests without asking (or at the very least telling) the host. Problem? Even if they ask/tell, it still puts the host in the awkward position of having to say no, especially if the host is an open house kind of person (which Zhena appears to be.)

    It's a no win... unless it's really, really cold next year, in which case all the uninvited can go eat outside, while the invited guests can have comfy seats at the dining table. Problem solved. Just Kidding!!!!

    From the perspective of someone who has spent several years feeling disconnected from family (Going through separation and divorce can destroy holiday traditions) I have to say I am eternally grateful to the folks who've opened their homes to me and DS through the years. There are few things that I find sadder than NOT having people to hang with during holidays. I'd gladly eat outside.
    chachachacat likes this.
  6. chachachacat

    chachachacat Well-Known Member

    True, on Thanksgiving, it is good to have people over who have nowhere to go. Absolutely. And I was in that position once, myself. And...and, I guess they might be grateful for eating on their lap.

    Soooo, okay you melted my heart, P.

    But I do think people who can't say no, will benefit greatly by learning how to say no.
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    We aims to please, ma'am. :)
  8. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Um, buffet dinner. Sit at the dinner table, sit at a coffee table, stand if you like, wherever there's space.
  9. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member


    I agree that learning to say no is a very useful skill. And also that bringing other guests without at least even asking first (or notifying) is extremely rude.

    But if you can't open your house on Thanksgiving, especially to people who might not have a place to go, it rather misses the point of the holiday IMO. There are more important things than a perfectly set table, or the perfect seating arrangement, or matching place settings. Hospitality and community win the day, regardless of if you're standing, stitting at the coffee table, sitting on the couch, split up with some people n the basement, using whatever glass or mug you can find, or using paper and plastic.
    dancelvr and pygmalion like this.
  10. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    All the dressing disappeared in a real hurry at dinner ...PEACHES!! the herb recipe won out but I added Italian Sweet Sauage sans casings - and mashed up to tiny bits. Two pans...GONE! YES happy happy happy
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    on the Thanksgiving guest issue;'s rude not to tell a host that you are bringing extra people...even if they have a history of being a "the more the merrier" kind of person...not only because it puts the host under a stress that they may not have been anticipating but because it also puts the guests in sometimes awkward situations..I mean 10 late uninvited guests might find themselves with nothing to eat and nowhere to sit which isn't neccesarily an experience that is better than the one they would have had without going....and they may have had no idea that the host was not expecting them until that awkward it isn't only rude to the host and the invited guests
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yup. It's awkward for everybody.
  13. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Or 10 late invited guests could find themselves in the same situation! Although, if they're late, that's kind of rude of them in itself.
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I think everybody has a good point, here. I'm an open house kind of person and have GFs and DS's posse in the place all the time. It is what it is, although I really do wish the boys would bring their own Gatorade, occasionally. Hint: Teenage boys can drink a LOT of Gatorade. Just sayin.

    My take? There is always room at this inn AND beggars can't be choosers. Yes. Come late and uninvited ... and be prepared to share whatever we have. Glad to share. I make no guarantees about what we'll be sharing.

    I know I'm dating myself, but does anybody besides me remember the "That Girl" ** New Years Eve episode where she gets a ton of uninvited guests and ends up serving them appetizers made from cornflakes and peanut butter? Awesome episode (Yes. I tried cornflakes w/PB. Not bad, by my estimation at the time. lol)

    But ... if the tradition of a sit-down dinner was important to me and it conflicted with my value of welcoming everyone, I'm not sure what I'd do. Zhena is/was in a tough position, this year, for sure.

    ** [​IMG]
  15. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    One of my favorite guilty pleasures is reading various advice columns, and the comments, as well as Date Lab in the Washington Post. I know it's trashy, but I love it. This week's Date Lab has to have been the most annoying one I've read yet. I could barely get through it...which is to say, I could barely force myself to finish reading it before jumping ahead to read the comments...which did not disappoint, by the way.

    Yes, I know I'm going to hell for being an evil person. In for a penny, in for a pound.
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    What is Date Lab?
  17. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Blind date arranged by the paper, with subsequent reporting.

    Random thought: 4 shots of espresso is not conducive to sitting and waiting.
  18. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    DW can dance again starting tomorrow! :cool:
    Sagitta and samina like this.
  19. Zhena

    Zhena Well-Known Member

    I haven't checked in for a couple of days because of Kolo Festival on Friday and Saturday (I think I've written about it before ... workshops/classes all day, parties at night, no time for writing on DF).

    To clarify my post about 23 for Thanksgiving ... all guests were cleared in advance, so (officially) there were no surprises. It was just a perfect storm of additional guests ... everyone knows I'm a "the more, the merrier" kind of person and I've never said "no". But usually there aren't THAT MANY extras, so I haven't had to reject anyone before. Up to the time the last person walked in the door, I was hoping that some would change their minds. (It's not unheard of for the "extras" to back out at the last minute.)

    We could have managed everyone by squishing a little ... we have two sheets of plywood that go on top of tables (our dining table and a folding table) end-to end; eight people on each side and two on each end works well, but we could squeeze in a couple more chairs on the sides (and we bought a few extra folding chairs for that purpose). But having the dinner (lunch?) outside gave us more elbow room.

    The other options would be (a) buffet or (b) a few sitting at the kitchen counter with their backs to everyone else, but that would make me crazy. It's Thanksgiving .. there needs to be a single table for everyone. When we were house hunting, I eliminated any house that didn't have space for two sheets of plywood end-to-end ... period.

    Food? ... no problem. As I said, we had (and still have) plenty of leftovers, so I don't think anyone went away hungry. (And we had contributions from the guests who were able to bring something extra.) Dishes and flatware? ... no problem. I'm prepared to serve more if we do it buffet style ... but Thanksgiving (and Christmas) are sit-down meals. It's a rule.

    It was just such a blessing to have weather that was nice enough to sit outside. I'm usually sensitive to chilling and won't eat outdoors when there's the slightest hint of a nip in the air, but I was very comfortable. We had fall color from our Chinese pistache and crape myrtle trees and the grapevine, and lots of green from the rest of the yard. It was a very pleasant meal.

    And in future years, I'll be prepared to limit the guest list. I can (and will) say "no" if I think about it in advance.

    P.S. I enjoyed seeing everyone's responses. Thanks so much.
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Zhena. Thank you for opening your home to so many and thanks for being such a good sport. :)

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