holding onto woman's breast - during dance

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by aaah, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. aaah

    aaah Member

    I have to agree that he may have been getting jollies by taking advantage because he could and it excited him to do so - his face seemed flushed while he danced with his hand full on her breast --not the side of his arm the hand gripping!
    He is after her all the time to dance, and she is pretty, younger and very petite - not flat has firm cups so you would definitely feel the breast. Also she is foreign born and demure and vulnerable.

    I advised her to turn him down and will confer with the manager. You think tell him what I saw or just drop it since it was several weeks ago
  2. Lyra

    Lyra Active Member

    If the lady is uncomfortable then she should turn him down in the future. Might be worth having a word with the manager, but I tend to think it would have more impact if she does it. If she feels uncomfortable about talking about it maybe a friend could accompany her, probably best a female friend?

    You could try having a casual word with the man in question, as others have suggested. You could always do it in a fairly light hearted manner, "Hey mate, better watch out or you'll be getting complaints!". It could be that just knowing that someone's noticed will be enough to put him off.
    Warren J. Dew likes this.
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I think you talk to him this time...and, if there is a next time, you talk with management...but yes, it is better if she goes to management...and I wish women would stop being so darned reticent about things like that
    Lyra, wooh and Warren J. Dew like this.
  4. mop6686

    mop6686 Member

    I'd say speak to his teacher and maybe she can tactfully talk to him and gauge whether it was an accident or not.

    Speaking from experience as a pro I have had many men grab/brush/cup my breasts by accident. They have so many things to focus on when leading that I've had men grab my boob and not even notice. When I first started dancing with woman I would brush and cup boobs by accident all the time.
  5. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    Brushing and touching by accident. Holding on to them to move the woman around is entirely another.

    Given that it's been a few weeks, that kind of makes it difficult. Have you seen him do it since?
  6. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Not only, this was kind of a possessive behavior and the girl seems to tolerate or allow it.
  7. Jananananana

    Jananananana Active Member

    Strange.... I would say ignore it - it may have been an accidental grab that one time. If he does it again, I would let him know that seeing his groping is making you uncomfortable.
  8. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    Well, guys are usually not too happy when someone who's not their teacher (and not a teacher at all, period) corrects them at a party. We have whole threads dedicated to that. So I'd rather not do it.
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    but there is a huge difference btwn telling a guy how to dance and telling him to be careful not to grab a handful....particularly if he already has
    wooh, dbk and Warren J. Dew like this.
  10. aaah

    aaah Member

    Agreed will just observe for now. I told her to reject further dance requests if uncomfortable with a particular man - and if dancing to stop the dance and leave when something untoward happens.

    I think she was upset that night over personal issues and may not want to admit what happened - later she implied that the "dance friend" really annoyed her by taking too much liberty 'being all over her' and squeezing her too much - she is small and it is not the first time it has happened. Because English is not her first language, small and skinny, and demure, some men feel they can have their way especailly absent any strong protest from her. She tries to keep dancing and pulling away from the grabbers etc. There are some men she is hesitant to dance with because of this - so breast grabber will join the crowd.

    It does not help that she wants to be pleasant at all times. I will not mention the breast holding that I saw to avoid embarrassing her but will keep an eye out. Thanks
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    well enough, but you will do her a favor by continuing to make her realize that she is responsible for what she allows rather than becoming her protector...this is very important for her to eventually be able to do
  12. Cal

    Cal Active Member

    I agree with Fascination.
    For what it’s worth, the woman needs to say to the fellow: “Don’t touch my breasts. I don’t like it.” It’s less than 10 words, and there is nothing rude or offensive about saying them. She doesn’t need to make a scene about it; she doesn’t need to get either histrionic or giggly when she says the words; but it indicates that she objects and isn’t treating unwanted grabbing just as a little joke. A man who has accidentally touched can apologize; a man who has intentionally touched is on notice that it’s unwanted.
    Gorme and llamasarefuzzy like this.
  13. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I have the opposite problem...they all want me to give them free lessons. Regardless, there is a difference between correcting their dancing (which I won't do), and stopping them from making me uncomfortable or doing something inappropriate (which I will do).
    Bailamosdance likes this.
  14. jump'n'jive

    jump'n'jive Active Member

    Wait, this is a real thread?
  15. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    alas yes it is!!
  16. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I would also let other ladies that you are familiar with, be on the lookout for the guy in the event that he asks them to dance. Let them know that he has wandering hands. It's also good to let the manager know. They can have a discussion with the guy and if it occurs again, to ban him from the studio.
    twnkltoz likes this.
  17. clumsy fellow

    clumsy fellow Active Member

    "one of her "dance friends" was trying to get her to do a new step from behind her - he also had a hand grabbing full on her breast and it stayed there while they moved around."

    ... I've been doing it all wrong...
    Wannabee likes this.
  18. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    He could have been trying to dance with her in shadow position and instead of placing his hand on her lower ribs, he misplaced. ;)
  19. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    uh huh suuuuuuuuuuureeeeeeeeeeeeeee;)
  20. jump'n'jive

    jump'n'jive Active Member

    well that would make shadow position a lot more fun as a man LOL
    caw likes this.

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