how do families weigh pro/am costs?

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by ssqq, Jul 16, 2013.

  1. ssqq

    ssqq Member

    Any couples out there have discussions about the costs of pro-am in their household budgets? We certainly do. Not whether it's right or wrong to do it, just the logistics, how long we will be ABLE to do it, how much is reasonable, is it right to tell our kids we don't want to buy them an airline tickets but then drop $7,000 on a comp? What if one wants to do it and the other want to, say, buy a boat? Slipcover couches? Do other couples, whether both dance or not, have these issues?
     
  2. canismajor41

    canismajor41 Active Member

    Yes, and I have a dance budget because of a very supportive husband and a mentally ill dog.

    As to the husband, it is a plus that he enjoys the simple things (a meal, a movie, and me) and doesn't mind that we have 2 bathrooms that need remodeled, wires sticking out of the laundry room wall for cabinetry lighting that was never installed, and a deck that couldn't hold more than 2 dogs, 2 people, and some patio furniture w/o collapsing. If my husband found a hobby of his own or wanted to fix the deck (which he's been hinting at lately), then we would revisit the budget I have for dancing.

    As to the dog, well she weighs 60lbs. and is on Prozac. We have not had a real vacation for 5+ years. We cannot board her, and my mom who lives 6 hrs. away is the only person she will not bite. This of course sucks for us, but is one of the reasons why I have the dance budget I have. If we could go on vacations, we definitely WOULD and as a result, I would dance less.

    But yes, we discuss each year and plan based on what else is going on in our lives.
     
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I will just say that my husband is very supportive, but we do have competing needs for our resources and so there are times when there is an underlying tension, and I am acutely aware that he wants me to cut back as much as I can tolerate
     
  4. scullystwin42

    scullystwin42 Active Member

    We've had to have some unpleasant talks when I went over budget previously. But we continue to talk. It's so cheesy, I know, but just communicating about the different goals we have and where to spend the money was the best way for us to deal with costs.
     
  5. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    as I have said, we are in the habit of quarterly budgetary reviews
     
  6. debmc

    debmc Well-Known Member

    I am single... so I am accountable only to myself for what I spend. Most of my friends make a similar income to me, so they may not spend that money on dance, but they spend it on their own respective interests and hobbies. I do have an occasional person question the amount I spend on dance, but I have to say that my close friends see how happy it makes me and they are all for me investing in the sport.
     
    chomsky and latingal like this.
  7. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Depends. If you insist that they visit you because you miss them, they have a reasonable right to expect you to help get them there. If they want to visit you because they miss you, then it's on them, and you can drop your seven Gs on your comp as you wish. The best thing would be for you to do a comp where they live and just go see them yourselves!
     
    Warren J. Dew and Loki like this.
  8. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    First, welcome to DF SSQQ, Second...how old are your kids? Third, why would you share your finances with them? young or older kids? Don't answer,,,it is a statement of restrospect.
    How you spend your budget, your $$ that you've worked for, is up to you. This is my feeling, also shared by DH throughout our life together - regardless of our hobbies outside of the household needs.
    There are plenty of times DH and I have said "no" to our kids, on a variety of expenses including airline tickets.
    There are also plenty of time we've sat down with our younger adult kids (who now have their own kids) and said,
    would you like to rent a house with us and split the costs...for a week? in a vacation town...then planned for that months or a year down the road.
    DH and I do discuss...our finances between each other, the absolute repairs to the house that waited 6 years to get done, the surprised expenses of repairs that couldn't wait, unplanned sudden trips due to reasons beyond our control, and looking at ways to either cut down on hobbies, for awhile to balance out the dips, hills and valleys our budget takes. Long winded take on your posted question, I know, but our finances have never been shared with our children and our decisions are for ourselves, between ourselves, taking a breath about every 4-6 months to sit down and talk or adjust if we have to.
     
  9. ssqq

    ssqq Member

    Thank you. No, we don't talk $ with our grown kids-- we are very generous to them I think. Mostly they are my husband's girls. My own daughter is younger and not completely independent yet. I just meant I feel a little guilty when we spend so freely on ourselves (our family and friends have no IDEA of the expense and I don't talk about it). Lets say I'm conflicted--I like helping them out and giving them perks but am not willing to sacrifice to do it!!
     
  10. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    Then dance your little hearts out. The only regrets there are in life,,,are the "I wish I had, when I could have...experienced that regret".
    In my past work life in public safety, I was a personal witness to many...who "wished they had"...enjoy.
     
    ssqq likes this.
  11. latingal

    latingal Moderator Staff Member

    In my opinion, as long as you are providing love and the things that they need to be physically and mentally healthy, the extras that money can bring are optional. I have seen many kids today grow up with a distorted sense of the value of money and various levels of entitlement when well meaning parents wish to supply more than they had in their childhoods to their beloved children. It is nice to be able to help them and give them some extra perks, but it is also good to show them that you respect yourself and they should do the same.
     
    Wannabee and Mr 4 styles like this.
  12. JANATHOME

    JANATHOME Well-Known Member

    My husband and I also have competing needs, I dance he golfs, both costly hobbies....
    I manage the finances in our house and he does not look at what my costs are for dancing or question my decisions on it. But what we do look at each quarter is our savings and retirement accounts. About 10 years away from retirement we look at our financial position from this angle and look at it hard. As long as we are on plan, the dance/golf spending stays pretty much on course.

    As to the grown kids, no I don't feel guilty or even think about how my dance costs affect them... Of course sometimes I help them out, but I never feel an obligation to do so, I just want to.
     
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    my son...at 24 in a personal crisis, one time hinted something about what he would like and how it was comparable to something with regard to my dance expenses...it was the last time...
     
    Purr, ssqq, dancelvr and 2 others like this.
  14. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    My son isn't financially independent yet, so I pay for his needs and some of his wants. But his wants are getting pricier (he likes to build computers from high performance parts and upgrade his car with assorted DIY kits), and I make a clear line as to what I am paying for and where he's on his own. He never had a nerve to compare my latest dress cost and the price of his latest computer build (they are pretty close).

    But beyond that, I have to justify my expenses only to myself. Sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's harder.
     
  15. NURDRMS

    NURDRMS Well-Known Member

    when my husband and I were married (wow, 20 years ago next month) we each had a young child from a previous marriage. We were advised to keep our finances separate so that in case something happened to one of us it would be clear about what funds would be going to the surviving child. So, I spend much of my discretionary income on dance and he spends his on golf and poker. Husband is the world's cheapest man (some of you have heard this before!) so it's a good thing he has no say on how I spend my money...
     
  16. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    I would hope if something happened to one of you, both children would survive!
     
  17. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    Boys don't grow up, our toys just get more expensive.
     
    Mr 4 styles likes this.
  18. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    I have a husband that gets sad with me when I feel guilty for my dance expenses...He gets angry at me and I get angry at him when either of us feels guilty for the things we love...It's been like that 22 years, but only the last 2 and a half have I spent so much on myself!!!
     
  19. anntennis

    anntennis Active Member

    I have to budget my pro/am dancing cost myself. I am not rational in my spending.
    I feel I spend most of my money on dancing, and do not care much about anything else- my kitchen needs updates, I used to go to Europe often, but not now, I could of pay my mortgage and car faster,etc. Well, got to danceā€¦
     

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