How should I react if my girlfriend grinds with other men?

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by sunny_2907, Apr 27, 2006.

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How should I react if my distant girlfriend grinds with other men?

Poll closed May 1, 2006.
  1. Should I confront her by telling her to keep off other men?

    57.1%
  2. Should I ignore it and let her be?

    42.9%
  3. She doesnt love me.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. sunny_2907

    sunny_2907 New Member

    hi guys... Im from India, and im new to this forum.. its great to read a lot of advice and tips on dancing and evrything else that is about it.

    Im in a long distant relationship with my girlfriend, she been away,studying in London for more than 4 months now. I really love her a lot and trust her, she loves me too.
    She's been going clubbing out with her friends quite often since she got there. I didnt know until recently when she told me she grinds with other men with her arm around them. She dresses scantily and enjoys grinding with them.It pains for me to imagine her in this way with other men. I cant imagine any other man feeling her up on the dance floor.She enjoys flirting and finds it a lot of fun.I love her a lot and cant imagine her with another man.I trust her a lot too, though when she told me about it, I felt a pain in my chest.
    I told her honestly about how I felt about the issue.She tells me not to make a big deal out of it and to take it easy, that shes just having a good time and not to worry about it.She feels that Im rather possesive about her and to give her some room to breathe.
    I dont know what to do. Its really stressful thinking about it.Guys please tell me how to handle it.
     
  2. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Have you been out with her and seen how she dances with other guys? Or is this just based on what she has told you? Maybe it's not as bad as you think?

    I also think if she enjoys flirting, getting all attention from different guys, etc, she's probably not ready for a serious relationship. Or if she's Indian and coming from a culture where she did not go out clubbing, she's probably enjoying the freedom and fun of going out, etc, and it's just a pity you're not there (I'm just relating Indian culture to Egyptian culture, which I believe is similar).

    When are you going to be with her again? I think it's very difficult to keep long distance relationships, especially when you're still young discovering who you are and the world.

    But I don't think you can just tell her don't go dancing, she'll just dump you. She's the one out there having fun. You've expressed your concern so that's more than enough. I don't think you can just ignore it cause you feel bad about it. It doesn't necessarly mean she doesn't love you, but maybe she doesn't want to give up the fun she's having.

    I think it's depends on when you be seeing her again. If it's after many months, maybe you just can temporarly break up and when you meet then you can see if you still want each other?
     
  3. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    I posted in your other thread as well. So yoru girlfriend is grinding with other guys and you're giving out your number to local babes. Good for you. But when your girl comes home please try to evaluate your relationship once again. If you're both out grinding with other people maybe you should make this relationship an open one - but then you shouldn't be jealous. It takes a lot of willpower and thinking to make an open relationship work. Consider this.

    T_E
     
  4. sunny_2907

    sunny_2907 New Member

    im jealous as crazy man. its disturbing for me. i cant let another man feel her up.
    im not the type to cheat on my gf.im really really faithful, but i cant get over the fact tht shes grinding with other men.
    how do i tell her to stay off at the same time she shudnt think im possessive about her??????
     
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Well if you can't stand the thought of the way she dances with other males, and she won't stop that tells me something. Your relationship ain't meant to be as there isn't a mutual level of respect for each other. You have incompatible desires.
     
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    IMO? grinding with anyone but your sig other(in private) is disrespectful and I am astonished that it even requires a conversation....sorry...just my opinion
     
  7. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Hi Sunny! My x was British actually and was from London as well. I think that you are probably worrying too much. The kids go to the clubs over there more so than even us Americans. That's what they call being cool, and they can actually attend the clubs at a young age. I believe they can enter the club at age 14, but I'll have to ask my friend again. I just know it's younger than 21 etc., and yes they can drink at that young age too!!!

    Also, they do like to dance, but they aren't very good dancers. My x liked to dance and was horrible. The only thing he could do was grind or whatever he could think of at the time. That's just how they dance there, so I never made anything of it. No biggie.

    Also, they dress differently over in London then they do in the U.S. even. And just to let you know the girls dress a lot skimpier, and my x used to get on me about dressing in sexy clothes (even though I'm getting used to the sexy clothes through my dancing lol!). I never felt comfortable doing that considering that you would be called every name possible for dressing that way where I come from (even though I know that's not where you are from) . But in London that's the style.

    They also are into nakedness and things a lot more than most countries. I asked my friend that I talk to all of the time still if that was normal myself, and she said yes! She said that you just get used to it when you live there and you don't think anything of it. So that made me less worried about my x at the time lol.

    Now if you were to start seeing other signs of her changing and not for the better, then you should think twice about being in the relationship. But yeah don't worry about the dancing. Let her have some fun!
     
  8. saludas

    saludas New Member

    And yes, the "Elaine Dance" from Seinfeld is what you usually see in these places.... and it looks just as bad with a guy doing it!!
     
  9. africana

    africana New Member

    wow we actually have the same opinion :cool:

    I wanted to select "she does not respect me" from the poll options
     
  10. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Well, I already stated my reasons why I chose what I did in my previous post, but you also must remember that every culture is different. England is far more open minded when it comes to their bodies more so than what we are probably comfortable with. But to them it's no big deal. They don't really look at that stuff as sex objects but more so like they are just beautiful bodies. But until you have dated someone from that area like I have or have lived there, then you don't really know these things and yes it can shock you like how it shocked me! But hey if you don't believe me you can go to any magazine website that the U.K. makes and you will see sometimes naked photographs of women on their websites for the reasons that I stated above. Now if that were to happen in the U.S. it would be a completely different story lol! But again you wouldn't know these things if you aren't used to their culture.
     
  11. africana

    africana New Member

    errr?????? I was responding to OP not ur opinion
     
  12. icering

    icering New Member

    i don't know...thats kinda tough....I wouldn't put up with that tough...not a grind. Thats way over the line for me.
     
  13. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Yes I know what post you were answering, but I wanted to point out the difference in cultures having been through them both. While all of this may sound shocking to us, in some countries this type of thing isn't shocking at all. This is why I know that his girlfriend is just trying to fit in with her friends. That doesn't mean that she's doing anything wrong. That's just how they act over in England, which is different than probably where he is from even. So to me he needs to learn about the other culture first before criticizing what she is doing, because it will stop a lot of hurt and pain in the end if he just takes the time to learn about her new way of life.
     
  14. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    England is not all THAT different than the US in this regard; outside of western europe, the US is far more open about such things than the rest of the world. There are some places where its acceptable, and there are a whole lot of places where its not. England is probably more permissive than most of India, but that doesn't really matter.

    You should never put up with things that make you unhappy just because its "acceptable" for other people. and things like trust/loyalty issues, you don't play games with.

    There are a lot of things that annoy you. like her having more shoes in your closet than you do, or leaving used tissues all over the couch where she was reading (oh, eww) ... whatever. ignore it. and there are a whole class of problems that are like total show stoppers. and it doesn't matter if other people put up with it... a lot of other people live miserable lives too. If its just irritating, ignore it... if it makes you unhappy, walk away.

    That doesn't make her a bad person. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She's just not the right person for you. You have certain values, certain limits... and what's right for other people doesn't make it right for you.

    Leave her.
     
  15. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I'm sorry, but I think that you are wrong. I've been to England. My x fiance was from England. I know how they are. I know how they think. They are much more open minded then the U.S. by far. They will have porn pictures on their magazine websites and all over the place whereas the U.S. does not. And other things like that which would make the U.S. go :shock: .

    So, my opinion is this. Get to know the culture first. Heck there are some cultures where the people walk around naked, you know? The OP would have to respect this if his girlfriend went to one of these countries too! And if he doesn't like it then it's his problem not hers. And yes I will agree with you there that he needs to get out of the relationship. In fact, he needs to get out now if he can't trust her, because things are only going to get worse if you can't trust the other person.

    Also, from what he's done in another post, he's actually the guilty party not her. All she's done is to be honest with him by telling him what she is doing. What he's done is lied to her and tried to get even with her by hurting her at this point. So, yes again the relationship needs to come to an end. But to be honest if I were the girl, I would have dumped him by now if he couldn't trust me. He's lucky she stayed with him this long!!!
     
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    okay ..plz read his post there today...and lets be careful here...we are talking about a real live preson here who does have some remorse and who is on here for our advice....and yes, he is acknowleging a significant cultural issue...
     
  17. saludas

    saludas New Member

    I disagree. The US is a very smallminded and secular place. Things that are part of everyday life in many parts of the world are consdiered 'dirty' or 'rude' - like nudity. Remember, this is one of the few countries in the world that refuses to go along with the UN and the rest of the world in abandoning captiol punishment. And this is a country that has a president who told us that "God tells him what to do". And then sends thousands of our troops to the Middle East to die.

    And it DOES matter. Because you should relate to the world around you as a citizen of the WORLD, not as a citizen of... whatever locality you are in. You owe the world a bigger view than what you see at the local Wal-Mart. Your concepts and vision should be shaped by what you really feel and not what the local yokels around you say is right.

    That's why you do NOT have to 'put up with' annoying things. That is a 50's mentality that was created so that a relatinship would continue at 'all costs'. You have the right to disagree with your friends and lovers, and you have the right to feel comfortable with what you want and need, as long as what you want and need respects others' rights to THEIR wants and needs....
     
  18. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Sorry about that. I've been through all of these feelings too which is why I would always ask my girlfriends if I had any doubts if things were normal over in England or not lol. So, I'm just saying the things that I've been through already, and am actually trying to save him and his relationship at this point, but it's his choice whether he wants to listen to me or not though lol. Again I'm sorry about this!!!
     
  19. saludas

    saludas New Member

    Does remorse reshape the action? I think not. Yes, perhaps his cultural values shaped his actions, but that was never a valid reason to do wrong things. There are cultures in the world that have very skewed values (the parts of africa that do fem genital mutilation) and I'd hate to see someone say "Oh, it's ok - it's their cultural values at work' when we have the power through words to change them, for the better. Not by imposing OUR values, but by looking at the ethics of the situation from a more worldly perspective.
     
  20. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I agree, but to me though I think it's hard for people to understand this until they've been through the situation themselves.
     

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