Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by HopefulNaiive, Jun 5, 2010.
How to dump a partner?
Has anyone dumped a partner before? How to do it gracefully?
I was honest about it. I thanked her for our time together and what we had accomplished. Then I said that another opportunity has come along and that I wished to pursue it.
(Note: The opportunity backfired on me and I was partnerless for several months.)
You don't "dump" them, you break up with them...just like in a relationship
Yeah. Dump sounds a bit harsh and makes me wonder if there's a back story.
Yes, that's a better choice of words, from my view as well...
have never included the word "dump" in my vocab, just has felt a disrespectful thing. for me, the value of some relationships end and are communicated respectfully as such. i have never viewed myself as dumped, or otherwise... tho that view has not always been shared.
"i'd like to take a break from practicing together. have so appreciated working with you, but i just feel ready for something different right now. please don't take offense, i'm just ready for a change!"
one way you could approach it, of many...
Just start ignoring that person. Start practicing with other people. Tell other people that you don't want to dance with the old partner anymore and hope word will reach their ear. They'll get the hint.
Okay, maybe that's what NOT to do, unless you want to be cornered in a dark alley by the partner protection mafia.
Yes. A partnership should be mutually beneficial. There's no way to "sugarcoat" it to make the other person feel "good" about it. But you can do it in a way that is respectful.
I completely agree! However, make sure that you don't tell the person they're not "good enough" for you or that they "just don't dance at your level"
That's the worst. Usually the reason to break up a practice partnership is a difference in goals. Your goals, whatever they may be are obviously different. The other person may SAY that his/her goals are the same, but if their actions don't reflect it, it becomes a problem and usually that is the best way of explaining it.
"Hey, Sally-dance-partner, I know we've been practicing a few times and I had a nice time having you as my partner. however, I think our goals are different and I think both of us would be a lot happier either practicing on our own or with someone else who shares more similar goals."
Frankness with understanding is best. That person obviously meant enough to you to be partners with. Just say it's time to move on and cherish any nice memories that you have. And this is a practice partner, not a spouse.
I am very thankful that someone post this question. It happens to me lately. I really want take a break with my practice partner and do something else. We really have very different goal, and I feel so unmotivated dancing with her.
However, she is a nice lady, and I really don't want to say anything that hurt her self esteem. I don't think she is a horrible dancer either. It is just that we dance differently, so it is quite difficult to compete together.
I guess I will pick up the phase from Jananananana. Thanks!
I have a similar question so I went digging through old threads, rather than posting a new one
I recently found one of my partners seems to be planning to break up. I found this through her newly created profile on dancepartners, where's she's looking for a partner for the style we're dancing. I can't say that this surprises me since she's not the first partner to break up with me recently because of my work schedule.
Should I break up with her now, since I already know her intention or should I wait to see what she does?
My thinking is that breaking up now will allow me to find a new partner sooner so we can prepare for the Spring comps I plan to go to and if I delay there might not be time. Also taking lessons and practicing with my current partner will be even less fun knowing she's looking for a replacement behind my back.
On the other hand, I've had two other partners break up with me indirectly during the past 4 months, after they found a replacement and started practicing. Maybe it's better to try to salvage the partnership in order to avoid getting bad reputation from being dumped so many times.
The third option I have is to break up and not look for another Am dance partner and just dance with a pro. This option partially makes sense because my work schedule is not going to change and any future Am partner is also likely to break up with me after a while. The negative about dancing only with a pro is that I compete only in collegiate Am competitions and this would mean I'll either dance TBA or not dance at all in that style.
I also have a follow up question, in case you recommend that I break up with her first; Before we started dancing together we had different teachers. She insisted that we take lessons only from her teacher so I stopped taking lessons from mine. Would it be impolite if I asked her teacher to keep me as a student?
As this is your third partner to try to break up with you, without directly telling you, in the last 4 months, the first issue to address in this is either why they feel that they cannot approach you about changing the partnership, or why you choose partners that very quickly feel they want to break up.
As far as I know they're not approaching me directly because there are no partnerless leaders that they know of at my level but there are a lot of free followers looking for partners with similar goals. It just doesn't make sense to break up and then spend a long time without a partner. Also it seems to be easier for them to find a partner if they already have one. To be honest, I would have done exactly what they did, if I were them, so I'm not really complaining about it. Just asking how to avoid bad feelings and reputation as it keeps happening.
Your second question is something that I should really think about. Off the top of my head, I'd say that my choices have been imperfect only with hindsight. At the time of starting a partnership, none of them seemed more likely than other potential partners to break up. In the future I should probably spend more time trying out with potential partners and making it even more clear how much time I can spend for each style. Then again they seems to accept my time constraints at first, only to let me know later that they were never really happy with them.
What are your time constraints? And how many styles are you doing?
For Standard I'm having one private lesson and one 1-hour practice per week. This will soon change to one private and one group lesson + one-two practices per week.
I practice Smooth once or twice per week for about an hour and take a double private lesson every week with my smooth partner. That will eventually change to one private lesson and two practices every week, after we are done with our new routines.
I have different partner for Standard and Smooth and the partner I was posting about is for Standard.
So I'm usually dancing for about 5 hours per week now, which sometimes doubles when I have more free time or just before a competition.
Candidly, with only 1 hour of practice per week, I can see why you are losing practice partners. The usual thought is to have at least 2-3 hours of practice per lesson (to at least work on what you did in your lesson)... one suggestion is to either do fewer styles or to rethink your goals in Standard. If the partners who you find are looking past simply 'subsistance' dancing then I agree with them that you are not giving them enough time.
concur and 2-3 hrs is a minimum IMO depending each of your ability to learn and retain information
Any chance of doing smooth and standard with the same partner? That might help make the partnership more beneficial for both of you since you would spend more total time with that partner. Or maybe given your time restraints, pick one style or the other and focus on that?
As for your current partner (the one that seems to be looking for a replacement), how about talking to her?? You can say you saw the ad and take it from there...
Good luck with everything.
I have to agree with the others Milen, with such limited practice time (and multiple partners?) it's difficult to maintain a worthwhile partnership.
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