How to flirt, and why.

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by toothlesstiger, Nov 2, 2011.

  1. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    For the benefit of those dancers who ain't getting no action (dancing action, I mean, get your mind out of the gutter), I'm starting this topic on flirting, how and why.

    To get the ball rolling, flirting is that set of behaviors by which we signal to someone that we are interested in them, ah, romantically.

    It doesn't necessarily mean that we are hitting on the other person. Often it's just a social lubricant that makes the other person feel a bit better about themselves, and be more favorably disposed towards you, even if there are definitely no "favors" in your future.

    How do we learn to do it? We start small. I will leave it to the ladies to talk about how they might flirt, and how they receive men's flirting. For a man talking to a lady, you start off by noticing things, commenting on them, and complementing her. It's relatively safe, but don't over do it. Find one or two things to complement her on, give evidence that you have been paying attention to her.
  2. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    All I know is I stink at it and I'm probably better off not even trying, lol.

    I noticed the other day that the girl of interest had changed her hair and I tried making a comment about it and it just came out all wrong...
  3. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Compliments aren't so hard.. you changed your hair, it looks nice.. like your dress.. whatever.. as long as you don't get too close or stare strangely

    I think most of flirting for a woman is about a general presence.. Look good, smile, talk to everyone, have fun, look relaxed and happy, if you see someone you like make eye contact but go on your way and let them come to you.

    I don''t do this. I sit in the corner and stare at people.
  4. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    Well here's how it went down...I started thinking maybe I just wasn't being observant enough and she'd worn it in a pony tail before during dance and so I said something like "do you keep changing your hair from down to up?" and she's like "yeah, I guess so" and hten I said "well it's probably better in a pony tail for dancing isn't it?" when what I was really thinking wanted to say is that I like the pony tail look for a change, but I wasn't sure if it was actually a recent change or she'd been doing so for a while, lol
  5. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    It probably just sounded like a random observation...

    I decided to poll my fb friends since I realized I didn't know of how a guy should flirt. First response was my ex suggesting complimenting her dress, purse or shoes.

    Well wise-acre.. I go out wearing black yoga pants and black tank top, ugly dance shoes, no purse. You can't flirt with me now, can you? How bout those things are too superficial to count as flirting.
  6. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    LOL, I'm starting to see more and more why other members have told me to ignore you wonderwoman...
  7. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    That's very childish. I didn't say anything that you should have taken offense to. My comment about noticing the ponytail was innocuous. If you are looking for feedback about how that remark sounded, my feedback is that it sounded like a random observation rather than flirting. I get it all the time when I dance.. hair is up and down.. people mention it, I don't feel they are flirting. The rest of that post is about my remarks on facebook and the response they got and my reaction to that response, not about you.

    It was more of an exbf rant.. I don't feel that complimenting my clothing is flirtatious.
  8. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    I'm not necessarily referring to this thread, but I can see more of the issues in question present in that last post...
  9. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Can we get back on topic?
  10. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Aiya!
    OK, let's back off the ad hominem...

    So LC, simplest thing you can do. Smile, and look like you are happy to be around her. A genuine smile goes a long way.

    So, to go back to your specific case, you made a statement to the girl that, even if it was not your intent, implies a negative judgement. It sounds like "what's the matter, you can't decide between up and down?"

    A different approach, that shows your interest, "I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember, do you normally have your hair in a pony tail while you dance? I'm trying to remember, but seeing it down caught my eye." Said with a smile. It shows you are interested. It shows you are paying attention. It shows that she is attracting your attention, i.e., you think she is attractive. And it is fairly innocent, I could use that with a married woman without being accused of hitting on her, I'm just showing positive attention, and making her feel good.
  11. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    Why do women who flirt sometimes bite their lips. It's cruel!! Stop that at once :D
  12. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    You learn by doing. Flirting is all about showing interest. You make neutral or positive observations, never negative. You smile a lot. If you can manage it, you joke with her, tease her light-heartedly, always in a positive way. With practice, you learn to banter, and, let me tell you, witty, flirtatious banter is quite exhilarating.

    But the most important thing is, again, to just do it. Just like in dancing, the only way to stink less is by practicing. Do it with all the girls you meet. Flirt with your mom. No, really, just learning to flirt appropriately with female relatives will give you plenty of foundation for flirting with potential romantic interests.
  13. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    Flirting begins with non verbal clues, if you are clued into them. In general this means something like the averted gaze. If there is someone you are interested in, and they never even glance at you, say when you walk by, or when they walk by you, what signals are being sent?

    If you've never had someone walk by you, take a few steps, then turn and look back at you as they keep walking...

    There are of course subtlies here, but filirting can and does start beore verbal exchanges.
  14. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I don't think I have to explain why that is suggestive lol

    ^ in regards to lip biting..
  15. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I think you've answered your own question. ;-)
  16. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I am haunted by visions of waggling eye-brows...
  17. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    aiya...

    I hear ya FD.

    Had a partner that exploited that to her advantage...







    m
  18. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    hmm...

    I would have gone with: "You know, you look so regal when you have your hair like so..." spoken with just a little wonderment, held for a moment, followed by a smile, let the moment pass, and then followed by "shall we dance?" or something trite like that.





    m
  19. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    And if that's the way you normally talk, and there is some truth in your feeling that way, it could work....

    For flirtation to really work, there has to be some truth in it. You could say that you are choosing to emphasize certain things.
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    :cool: I don't flirt (but if i did, i wouldn't be sharing my secrets here )

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