How to flirt, and why.

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by toothlesstiger, Nov 2, 2011.

  1. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    I would say: Flirting is for fun, possibile initial stages, without necessarily having a target objective. Seduction implies there is a specific target and intent.
  2. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    thing is, IME...and as fasc has pointed out on a number of occasions...men are often not swift on the uptake when it comes to nuances. so, too much "dangling the lure" "for fun" can quickly become an utter mess.

    and geez... make that X10 if clear boundaries are not drawn between hot fun on the dance floor and Real Life.:rolleyes:
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Okay. So somebody tell me why a tenth of a second touch on the arm dialed things up a billion notches. Did I unintentionally signal seduction?
  4. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    need more details :cool:
  5. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    OK, I will say again, flirtation is a possible subset of seduction. If I cook a targeted meal, set up an appropriate setting, use sights, sounds, scents, to my purpose, none of this is flirtation, all of this is seduction.
  6. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    so in fact... seduction is a possible subset of flirting, right?
  7. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    um, superset, actually
  8. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    missing the logic in that. it doesn't matter in the scheme of things, but if seduction is a more intense version of flirting, how can flirting be a subset of seduction? seduction has the narrower scope, correct?
  9. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    No, I would not call seduction a version of flirting. Seduction can include flirting, and flirting can be be used outside of seduction. Flirting is a tool, seduction is a result. Carpentry requires hammers, but I can use a hammer to crack nuts, too. So I will modify my previous statements on the relation of flirting to seduction.
  10. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    If we're talking seduction then take the lip biting but add in her tongue rotating around those freshly bit lips.... and her mouth moving to the word 'elephants' (looks like someone is saying 'i love you' - someone told me that years ago. Hey, who put all this random crap in my head :D )
  11. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Because it was an invasion of his personal space, to the extreme degree of touch, which was allowed. The granting of access to your personal space, or the invasion of someone's personal space is a very intimate thing...and to cap that off with touching...when there has already been flirting involved...it's a shift. I would suggest that the fact that it happened in the workplace, where personal space invasion is a much bigger issue (never mind touching!), made it that much more significant.

    Think about it. Personal space is a very, very powerful tool. It often signals dominance or submission in a relationship, as well as intimacy (not necessarily sexual) between two people. You just combined those. You, who have flirted but retained the power in the relationship (by making it clear--up until now--that the flirting won't go anywhere), just reinforced that dominance by moving into his personal space, and told him that you're changing the game (touching).

    The fact that it was a product of exuberance and not a change in your feelings...well, that's something you know, but how was he to know?
  12. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    It's not you, it's him. Really. Now you know you can't give him a friendly touch without him reading too much into it.
  13. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    LOL...and here we have two completely different takes on things! good times!
  14. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    now this i can agree with. :)
  15. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I'm not a toucher, which I think is strange since I dance socially? But when I'm sitting and talking to someone and I reach over and touch his arm when I laugh, it's not even a conscious attempt to flirt, it just happens. and it definitely is a clear signal of interest.

    And I guess its why normally very touchy people confuse me, especially when I find them attractive, like what should I read in to this?
  16. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I agree with Peaches' thoughts based on personal space.
  17. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    Well, Peaches, I agree with you to a large extent. Even though I work somewhere that is very on top of workplace issues, I have female friends in the workplace, and we feel comfortable with each other, and say and do things that I woudln't say or do with women whom I don't consider to be friends. I'm aware, too, of who is around and might not understand that we ARE close, and comfortable with each other, and adjust my behaviour accordingly.
    It's somewhat like giving presentations - know your audience.
  18. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I was thinking Blues dancing....I've kissed or come close to kissing more women while dancing Blues than any other dance (for that matter I can't remember such a thing happening to me in salsa, WCS, lindy, tango...unless it was someone I was already flirting with off dance floor). There is a degree of physical proximity there that makes it more intimate than other dances, not to mention the voice of the woman is more distinct and allows for actual flirtatious back and forth...
  19. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    I don't know, but if you find out, tell me. I'm not a huggy touchy person by nature (I don't mind correctional/mechanical things, into which category I place dancing--riding instructors touch my leg to correct position, skating my coach picked me up for our free dance routine, it's all sort of part of the 'job'.) So i'm not great at reading what people who ARE necessarily mean by it.
  20. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    for those that do it, it's primarily a sign of connection... crossing the divide.

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