How to Tell Someone they have Body Odor

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by DanceMentor, Aug 7, 2005.

  1. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    I was reading the Cologne thread and I was reminded of a couple I teach. They have a big height difference, and it just so happens that her nose is the exact same height as hit arm pit. After a couple of lessons, she came up to me and another teacher and explained the problem, and how the smell was especially problematic from her standpoint. I hadn't noticed anything, but on the next lesson, I was a little more attentive. He did have a slight odor. I actually, without his knowing got a little closer, so I could identify with her position, and sure enough I could see what she meant.

    Before the next lesson she called me and asked me to ask him when his birthday was coming, and it just so happened it was only a couple of weeks away, so she gave him a set of cologne and deodorant, etc.

    A month later the other teacher had told yet another teacher, who confronted him about the odor. After my last lesson with them, apparently he said something to the effect of: I changed shirts before the lesson. I hope you are happy!

    Both he and her are very nice people. She is very shy, and he is much bigger than her. I can see how she might have been afraid to say something, and in the end it may have ended up biting her. I know she really likes him, and I hope they work it out. I also hope they might consider Latin instead of standard considering the height difference.

    I would apprecaiate your feedback, as I really like these people.:)
  2. Porfirio Landeros

    Porfirio Landeros New Member

    You could refer them to the 3rd episode of So You Think You Can Dance, since the ballroom choreographer told all the dancers to wash their hands, brush their teeth, and put on deoderant before they could start the session.

    Even though none of those things get in the way of a dancers ability to dance, it can certainly make the people around you lose their concentration.

    If you tell them both (or address an entire group class), no one will feel singled out.

    The instructor at UCSB used to tell everyone that same thing the first day of class.
  3. macha

    macha New Member

    Well, it's difficult from your perspective... you're not in an "ideal" position to say "you reek".

    BUT, if I were The Partner opposite He Who Smells, I'd sniff my own pits and say "geez... I'm sorry- I was in a hurry after work and just rushed over- didn't get a chance to clean up like I like to, I'm sorry..."

    Therefore he'd think "oh, crap... you gotta BATHE for this stuff?"

    And then he'd go consult the awesomest book for all time "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" (yes, I own it, and I'm wondering if the word "queer" will get past the censors- I know on one board it won't, another it changes it, etc. etc, Lol)
  4. macha

    macha New Member

    Hey, it did! Cool! :lol:

    Queer, Queer, Queer!

    My HORSE must think it QUEER, to stop without a farmhouse near....

    Awesome. It's the little things in life.

    (Hey, I've made it three days without a dark chocolate-coated marzipan bar... )
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    YUp and you on a diet?
  6. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    i make a face and pinch my nose in their field of vision..

    if that dont work..

    i step close .. make a breathing sound next to them.. choke and faint ..
  7. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    THis I gotta see. :)
  8. macha

    macha New Member

    NO, actually- the store's just closed because the owner's on vacation :oops:

    But it's open today! WOOHOO!
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    :lol: :lol: I bet that works every time. :roll:
  10. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Seriously, though, if they're a couple, why didn't she just tell him herself?

    A, "sweetie, I'm going to shower before class. Care to join me?" might work. :shock: :lol: :lol:

    If they a dance couple, not a couple couple, it might be a little more difficult, though. :roll: :wink:
  11. africana

    africana New Member

    I have a friend with some SERIOUS body odor after she's been dancing for a couple of hours. It's bad enough that I've heard other folks talking about it, it's strong enough that I don't even dare hang around her much while at the club. But I'm not sure if it affects her dancing because she's a good dancer, great spinner, good looking, so she's always in demand, relatively speaking (I notice she sometimes doesn't dance as much toward the end of the night).
    Worst part is that she's one of the few black women in my scene who dance well, and about as tall as myself so I've had a few people confuse us :? :x (although I tend to have a more random clubbing pattern and a distinct style so it doesn't happen often)

    She's such a sweet nice person, I don't know how to tell her even though I've known of her problem for about a year. considering buying a special gift for her :? but how to present it...?
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    How close a friendship do you have? 8)
  13. africana

    africana New Member

    I would say I'm one of her better friends within the dance scene, kept up with her when she had some illness. But I haven't felt like I've spent sufficient time with her OUTSIDE of that arena to tell her of such personal things, in fact I don't know if it's ever possible to be close enough to say that to someone unless it's a SO :?
    I had thought I would broach the subject over 7 months ago, but I didn't hang out with her as often or see her much until the last few weeks...I think that time is drawing near...I guess it's not critical to me cause I don't have to dance with her
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    :? I wonder how she can be oblivious. Do people really mask their reaction that well? :?
  15. africana

    africana New Member

    you'd be surprised! same issue like when you're not sure something is wrong with your dancing and keep doing the same things because people act polite to one's face, or simply appear to snub you when in reality it's a temporary problem that can be fixed if one only had the awareness
  16. BrookeErin

    BrookeErin New Member

    well, I'd want a friend to tell me if I had food on my face.... if you approach it as a friend, she may really appreciate it.
  17. africana

    africana New Member

    agreed, afterall it helps her
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Good luck. :D
  19. gte692h

    gte692h New Member

    I have tried subtle tactics - for example, this one girl at the club one night had terrible halitosis - and I kept offering her listerine pocketpax time after time, and she just wouldn't take them. ;)
    finally, i just told her.

    ultimately, if BO is present, why not just say it bluntly ? whether they like it or not, fact is fact - 'sorry, but you smell'. in such cases, I see this sort of honesty as a real gift.
  20. kdogg

    kdogg New Member

    Just ask him/her if he/she went fishing. I think it would be hard to tell them without offending them; some people take it pretty personally. I would rather stuff cotton up my nostrils to filter out the smell, but making sure that I can breathe.

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