General Dance Discussion > I have no idea how to dance :(

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by fenixfrenzy87, Feb 26, 2004.

  1. Ian

    Ian New Member

    First and foremost, I'd like to say hello to all of you (very helpful) people.

    I have a question that's been bugging me for a few weeks.

    What exactly do girls expect in B&G? As in, how much response from the guy?

    I don't have any actual experience in dancing (not to say that I don't want to. I'm interested in salsa) I'm 17, 6'5", a musician, and an athlete. So I'm in all right shape as far as rhythm and physicality go.

    The only underage club in my area is completely hip hop, and I don't really feel like going through the hassle of getting into an over 21 club (though I have before) The place is packed and almost overflowing. Someone talked about "rent-a-tile" dancing...try half a tile. It's a fun place, the energy is through the roof. I've gone, oh, five or six times.

    I'm pretty outgoing, so I get right into it. Last week, I was dancing with a very pretty girl, she about 5'5 - 5'7 So not too too small. She did this thing where she kind of slid down my front (her back to my front) to the beat. I wasn't sure whether or not to follow...suggestions? And other things along those lines. How much response is expected out of the guy?
  2. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Wow! What a fabulous thread! Filled with drama and suspense!

    Hi Ian. What do girls expect? LOL! That depends on the girl, doesn't it? I think at the very least, they expect a complementary physical response, hips and hands. But be careful how you use the hands, slugger. If she's got her back to you, you might start out with your hands light on her hips. The point is to display her shape, not get a free feel! Most B&G that I've seen has the girl taking the lead (calling the shots in terms of what you're doing).

    Salsa is very different--you need to know how to drive! And you need a partner who is responsive to*you.*

    You know most places have hip hop classes. It's not an easy style, and you have to be willing to be outdone by a bunch of 9-12 year-old girls, but you'll definitely learn.

    Try using the hands again. Start with hands on her shoulders and then use them to trace her shape, moving down her arms and then her waist and then her hips. Follow her down by slowly bending your knees. Would that work?

    As for the poster-formerly-known-as-suckeedancer, whom I shall refer to henceforth as DancingAdonis, here's the thing about close dancing. In a ballroom setting, there's something we call closed position. This is why you want to take ballroom lessons. Especially in tango--but you should look into learning a little bolero too. We'll all know that you've become hopelessly addicted to dancing, though, when you stop worrying about how to get closer and start looking at the girl as a prop--knowing that it's really all about you! (Which is why I'm suggesting tango and bolero!)


  3. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Pardon my ignorance, but what does B&G stand for?
  4. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    I think, from the context, Bump and Grind, what Fenix and Adonis were originally asking about. Word must have gotten out that folks on the Dance Forum are always ready to help "a teenager in love."

  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    And we are! I think most of us have been (dancing) teenagers in love... at some point. 8) :D
  6. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    A warm welcome to df Beagle!! :D Glad to have you with us! :) To dance seductively with a guy you don't need to bump-n-grind in my opinion. How you move your hips to the music only becomes important when you are in body contact with your dance partner. Then the issue isn't moving hips to the music, but moving your hips/body in synch with your partner. Expectations of what happens with a person if you bump-n-grind with them depends on why that person is out dancing in the first place. If the guy wants to "take someone home" then he is looking for any hint that you are interested in him and might read something into how you dance with him. If the guy only "bumps-n-grind" with those people he is interested in getting to know outside the dancing sphere the same expectation may be there. However, for someone like me, doing the bump-n-grind with a gal does not mean I think that there is more then then two of us enjoying a few minutes dancing together.

    My 2 cents. :wink: :)
  7. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Hey there Beagle!

    Ditto--dancing is dancing, IMO. You can tell how interested someone is off the floor--maybe give yourself entirely on the floor and see what happens when you're off. Also think about bringing some guy friends along who can rescue you if someone gets the wrong idea. I typically go out dancing with women friends, and on occasion I've had to go grab them for a couple of dances when they wanted to get out of a sticky social situation; I expect them to return the favor! If you dance with a lot of different people, that will make it very clear that you're in town for dancing, and nothing else.
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Re: How to bump-n-grind...from a females perspective...

    Oh, my goodness. First, welcome to the forums, Beagle. 8) Then let me give your question some more thought, and I'll reply later in the morning, when I've had some sleep. My short answer is that dancing is dancing, and guys have no right to impose further expectations on you. However, it's not as simple as that. There are ways to give signals to guys, and unless you're very careul, they can easily become mixed signals that guys misread. Then you have a weird/unpleasant situation. I'll think about this more, then post more later.
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Wow, Beagle. I almost forgot. So much for promises made at 2:00 AM. LOL.

    Okay, here goes. Last DF post of the day. I actually thought about this a bit. Maybe others can add their wisdom as well.

    If you don't want guys getting the impression you're available, here are my recommendations:

    1. Don't drink, at least not much, and don't dance with anyone who is visibly impaired. Even a little booze, and inhibitions, yours and his, will be lowered. A recipe for trouble.

    2. Maintain SOME distance. Grinding doesn't have to mean skin to skin (or clothes to clothes) contact. A few inches of space between you and him will cool things down considerably.

    3. Be careful about "backing it up." You know what I mean. A crude expression, but there are reasons why guys like that your back to his front position. Because, in that position, you're blind to what he's doing, so you lose control of the situation. I try to stay face to face, unless I know my dance partner very well. It's easier to take a step back and out of harms way, when you're facing the guy.

    4. I prefer to grind only with people I know well. My gay friends and my SO are always a good bet. Anybody else, and I'm very leery.

    My two cents.

    And, btw, welcome again. :D
  10. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Hey, what ever happened to fenixfrenzy and DancingAdonis? You guys still out there?
  11. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    And I had had high hopes for those df "events" you were planning!! :(

    And yes, I'll second GR. I'm curious to know how all you newbies out there are doing.
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Huh? Actually, I had in mind an early evening at a local ballroom venue, followed a late evening of dancing at a salsa club. What did you have in mind?
  13. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    :lol: you two are funny. I was wondering what happened to our young cygnets. I hope they are still finding time to practice :banana:
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Somehow, I think they're practicing. Once you have the skill, why not use it? :wink:
  15. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    :doh: And I was being serious!! :wink:

    Actually I just wanted to go wild and crazy!! Come on a salsa club with a latin night? Some good bachata is being played...that's my favorite - into back to front through what is called a sweetheart/ cuddle move - and in all seriousness I try it out with almost anyone whom I can. If they don't like having their back to my front then I might try my back to their front. I have done that and got some suprised reactions. It's not something that I've seen many people do. Of course if a person is uncomfortable I back off. After all I'm a true gentleman! :)
  16. achilles

    achilles New Member

    well my situation fits the title of this thread perfectly... i really have no idea how to dance, the last time i tried was years ago. as a result i never really go to social functions anymore, but i realized how bad this is. so i need help learning how to do the dances that might be expected at a formal. please help!
  17. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Hi Achilles!

    Your heroic name is already promising! :wink:

    You might want to find an independent ballroom studio in your area, and see if you can take some basic lessons in a variety of social dances. You will find a number of threads here that deal with prices and beginner's experiences. I'll see if I can dig them up!

  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hi achilles. Welcome. 8)

    I'll take a look around for pertinent threads, too. I'm assuming grinding probably isn't what you're looking for. LOL.

    In the meantime, take a look at the beginning dancers' frequently asked questions at the top of the general dance forum.

    Take care, and welcome to the forums. :D
  19. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Hi Achilles-

    I brought back some of the topics about costs and start-up; you'll find them under Active Topics for a while (rather than tediously pasting them in this message).

    Hope this helps!

  20. achilles

    achilles New Member

    Thanks very much!

    At this point in my life I have an extremely busy schedule so it will be really hard to plan anything. I was wondering what kinds of things I might be able to do in front of a mirror or something just in my room, whenever I found some time.

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