Is dancing emotional infidelity?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by sunderi, Oct 20, 2004.

?

Is dancing emotional infidelity?

  1. Yes, almost always, and it's a problem.

    81.7%
  2. Yes, but it's not a problem because . . .

    1.8%
  3. Sometimes -- I'll explain below.

    6.4%
  4. Of course not. What a silly question!

    10.1%
  1. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    The point about the slippery path resonates with me. It all starts with someone considering you "cute" and then down they go that path of temptation. :oops:
     
  2. jon

    jon Member

    Actually he pretty much did learn it as a Tech undergrad. While he didn't actually sleep with anyone (other than his SO-later-wife, who was going to Hayward), he was very popular with the Tech girls. Unfortunately, that skill was not on the curriculum, and we couldn't convince him to bottle and sell whatever was responsible :)

    Have to say I did OK statistically though - dated two Tech women for several years each as an undergrad, which given the 6:1 ratio put me well above average. Oddly my success ratio dropped dramatically after going to grad school at UNC Chapel Hill, despite the 60:40 female:male ratio there. But I did learn to dance there.
     
  3. Adwiz

    Adwiz New Member

    ROFLOL!

    Regarding the concerns people have raised about the slippery slope of physical contact in dance, I understand that it can become a problem. But so can office relationships. I think it's only a slippery path if you allow two things to happen:

    1. You don't have a clearly defined set of personal values or limits. I've been faithful to my wife for 25 years (including 4 dating years). I never have and never will do anything to bring dishonor to my marriage. It's one of my written principles. My dance partner knows where I stand because I knew that sexual tension is possible and needed to set boundaries before a question could even arise. For example, we make sure we only put ourselves in public settings where people see us together, so that our time together is always accountable.

    2. You don't communicate in your marriage. My life is an open book to my wife and family. She can see my schedule, read my E-mails or listen to my voice mails any time. There shouldn't be any secrets because those can expand too easily. Good communication doesn't avoid conflict, but it sure helps a marriage weather any challenges that come along.

    If you make sure there's no slope left, dancing with someone you're not married to is as safe as any other activity.
     
  4. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    Since I have never been intersted, physically, in a man who dances(remember: I have never met any of you DF boys yet! :wink: ), I would definitely say that for me dancing would not constitute as an emotional infidelity. Fun & fitness are the 2 reasons I dance.
     
  5. Laura

    Laura New Member

    I know this is going to sound weird, but it just came to me. For me, dancing is totally about me falling in love with myself. I grew up with so much self-hatred, self-loathing, with low self-confidence, etc etc. But dancing made me feel graceful and coordinated and happy and self-assured and pretty and shapely and elegant and and and and ....

    I love stealing looks at myself in the mirror while I'm dancing, and it is is such a thrill to like what I see -- even though I'm about 30 pounds overweight and am rapidly approaching age 40.

    So, I'm basically too much in love with myself when I'm dancing to really notice anyone else in that way :) :) ;-)
     
    chomsky likes this.
  6. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    That's cool, Laura! Sounds like dancing has given you the self-confidence you really need to feel great about yourself!
     
  7. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Way to go Laura! Yeehah! Very glad for you!

    And it seems like you have a very workable situation with your SO, congrats!
     
  8. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    My answer was sometimes.

    Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on whether or not an individual acts in a manner that let's it become such.

    I dated a woman for over a year, and while this was developing I was also beginning my adventure with dance. I never once moved into the territory that permitted my dance to be emotional infidelity nor physical infidelity. I limited myself to one night per week for social dancing and sometimes took a week off. As the relationship deteriorated, I knew I wasn't getting emotional needs. Yet, I managed to not broach either of these through dance either. As it turns out, which she never told me until the phone call she used to end things, my dancing deeply disturbed her. She told me her emotion felt irrational, but it was there. I know she wasn't getting her emotional needs met either, and yet it was such a struggle for her to even discuss them. I would try to find and arrange time to resolve issues and talk, and it was always procrastination and avoidance from her. At the time, this caused much frustration from me, but I never waivered into the dance for the meeting of my emotional needs, but I can see how a person could do this if they aren't careful.

    This is such an intriging thread, and I am so thankful to be able to read all these ideas and viewpoints! :)
     
  9. sunderi

    sunderi New Member

    What a wonderful sentiment! I'm working on having my dancing provide the same kind of positive reinforcement. :)
     
  10. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Great topic, guys!

    Having danced for years, but only relatively new with my SO, I can't say much..........

    But one thing I will say is: treat your personal relationship with your SO as if you will with your ultimate dream dance partner: that connection!!!!

    Quite often, our fav dance partner isn't our life partner.......that is up to the individuals to communicate and work out any issues.

    For now, I'm happily fulfilled emotionally. My social dancing has been slowed down only because I had chosen to spend time with my SO doing other things 8) ........ that might change, early days yet.....
     
  11. motardmom

    motardmom New Member

    Wow. THere's not much I can add.

    Love is a decision. It's not something you fall into or out of. You decide to nurture a feeling: lust, for instance, which could potentially grow into something deeper. You also choose who you feel that feeling with - do you allow that feeling with your dance partner or with you SO?

    Life is all about choices. Things don't "just happen." We make them happen. We are active players in what happens in our lives. Take responsibility. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. But you get to decide whether to dwell on them, make them develop into more, or let them fade.

    Is dance infidelity? Maybe yes, maybe no. How do you respond to the feelings you have? Do you make it infidelity or do you remain faithful to commitments already made?
     
  12. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    Laura and Motardmom: :applause: :notworth:
     
  13. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    Wow, just got a funny chill! This is almost verbatim what I tell people who are whining about their situation. :shock:
     
  14. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    motardmom wrote: "Wow. THere's not much I can add.

    Love is a decision. It's not something you fall into or out of. You decide to nurture a feeling: lust, for instance, which could potentially grow into something deeper. You also choose who you feel that feeling with - do you allow that feeling with your dance partner or with you SO?

    Life is all about choices. Things don't "just happen." We make them happen. We are active players in what happens in our lives. Take responsibility. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. But you get to decide whether to dwell on them, make them develop into more, or let them fade.

    Is dance infidelity? Maybe yes, maybe no. How do you respond to the feelings you have? Do you make it infidelity or do you remain faithful to commitments already made?"

    Lot's of value in what is written above. Motardmom reminds me of a quote, "There are no answers, only choices."

    It is how we act on our feelings that is important. Meaning comes from our actions.
     
  15. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    Hmmm... when dance is a business (no matter how enjoyable) and you have one (or more) partners you train with... then it is easier to avoid romantic involvment...

    But when you dance socially (for your own pleasure)... things can get quite tricky! See, when you dance with some awesome guy (dancer and attractive-looking), then it can be easy to get involved...

    I guess it all depends on how stable your relationship is in the end...

    Talking from experience, dance can be physically stimulative and can make one want more ... and you might just be too tempted to say no! :)
     
  16. etchuck

    etchuck New Member

    Sorry I missed this party.

    My own thought about dance being a bump on the eventual road to infidelity... are you kidding me? :)

    Competitive dancing is about performance. Performances are a personal expression or interpretation of what is being choreographed or directed. It would be silly to think that you can perform a very moving piece without any emotional investment whatsoever.

    I'll bring up a completely different perspective here. There are plenty of actors and actresses who are married, but many love scenes are directed in which they don't seduce or wind up sleeping with another actor/actress to whom they are not dating or married. Are they being unfaithful? Well, I suppose that also depends on the mindset of the people in those roles too. But the basic point is it all does depend on whether everyone knows that it's not romantic but it's part of "the job."
     
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes, tsb, I agree. Is dancing emotional infidelity, in and of itself? Of course not, silly. But if the question had been phrased differently, for example, "can dancing lead to emotional fidelity?" the answer would be completely different. There's so much meaning in the choice of a word or two. :? Actually, the reason I answered as I did is that I suspect the second question was actually what was being asked. 8)
     
  18. etchuck

    etchuck New Member

    Well, anything CAN develop into something else if the parties decide to go that way. Dancing doesn't lead to emotional infidelity unless the circumstances are such that it would: that is to say, each person involved in that relationship finds themselves satisfied or fulfilled in some way by the other person.
     
  19. Warren J. Dew

    Warren J. Dew Well-Known Member

    I answered "sometimes", so here's my post.

    I don't think dancing necessarily has emotional content, and if it doesn't have emotional content, it can't be emotional infidelity. But if you start letting emotional ties to your dance partner creep in, it can be infidelity.

    I like the bucket description, which I think touches on a different issue. You can put dancing outside your relationship ahead of your relationship, and that's a problem. I don't think it's a fidelity issue, however; rather, it's a commitment issue. Which is more important to you?

    I also think that one's job is usually in a different category from dancing, even with respect to the commitment issue. The difference is that usually, partners in a relationship share housing and at least some other costs and income, so any job that either partner has benefits both partners. That's why my wife and I make our job decisions together, because we're looking for what's best for both of us, not just one of us at a time.

    Of course, for me, dancing can hardly be infidelity since my wife is my dance partner!
     
  20. Lucretia

    Lucretia New Member

    Yes but it's not a problem.....

    With this answer I mean that I am a very expressiv dramatic person who have a certain need of internal dramas. Complete movies spins in my head when ever I have I get input that makes the machinery start up. But these movies have NOTHING to do with what I do. I never have to do anything stupid - I fulfill my needs in my imagination 8) or in my artwork :oops: .

    This dramatic talent seems to be fit into the salsa scene. I can dance and be very passionate - but this is only a game. It's more like true actors who are supposed to fall in love and make hot scenes. They fulfill some internal need or relive some old experience - but they know where the borderline is.

    Sorry I just have to go off-topic….
    Watch my avatar and you'll get a somewhat proper picture of me. Its made of a photot of me in my wedding dress, a photo of a beach full of sea weed and waste materials and a photo of a handhold mask. The mask I have in my hands was once a symbol for my need to change roles in my carrier and my need to step on all organizational trashes that made my life a hell. But the meaning has changed by time. Now I look at it as me at the salsa scene. Preparing for an entrance. Preparing to play passionate and to relive my internal dramas in a "secure" way. To express my self. I guess I also am preparing to change carrier once again. (I'm sorry that all details cannot be seen in this small picture)


    But I guess the true answer is that I haven’t been on that planet yet.
    Yes I have had a few passionate dances but I have never ever been turned on by anything else than the dance and the meeting on the dance floor. I haven't had any close relation to anyone of my dance partners except for my husband. And I am fortunate – he is wild at salsa.


    /Lucretia
     

Share This Page