Life is Hard Thread

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by TinyDancer109, Dec 6, 2010.

  1. TinyDancer109

    TinyDancer109 Well-Known Member

    wow, i am so sorry Katherine!! your family is going through a lot and i am sure it is taking a tremendous toll on all of you... i will be praying hard for you all!

    you said your father is too old for a regular transplant... i am not sure how old that makes him, but my father is very old for having a daughter of my age (he is 81). i know from experience that it complicates things THAT much more. my thoughts are with you!
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. Age complicates things. My Dad was diagnosed when he was 74, and it took quite a bit of doctor shopping to find someone who was willing to treat him as if he was a young man (which, in my family, he was.)

    The first couple of doctors seemed to make the tacit statement that he'd already "lived a full life." Made me really mad. Age shouldn't matter, IMV, especially when the patient comes from a family where people live to be 100.
  3. katherinejh

    katherinejh Member

    He's only 54, but usually the kind of bone marrow transplant he would need is only successful in children and very young adults. Most people with his type of leukemia die very quickly.
  4. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    *hugs*
  5. TinyDancer109

    TinyDancer109 Well-Known Member

    *hugs* do they know when he will receive the reduced intensity transplant yet? ill keep your family in my prayers.
  6. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    My BIL is 57 with leukemia and has already told us that he refuses to even consider a bone marrow transplant. He's done a couple courses of chemo, but says that he's afraid of the pain of transplant. Nothing any of us says changes his mind.

    Talk about feeling powerless. *sigh*
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Slight change of subject.

    Do you have language triggers that make things worse? I know that sounds weird, so here's what I'm asking. For the longest time, after my Dad went through all his treatments, I would tell people that he'd been cancer-free for xx amount of time.

    Then I ran into a girlfriend who insisted on saying. not cancer-free, but in remission. I wanted to strangle her. I really did. The words in remission got under my skin. I get where she was coming from. I do. My uncle who was cancer free came out of remission and passed on last year.

    But why can't I have that little bit of space to feel ... whatever it is I feel about my Dad?
  8. TinyDancer109

    TinyDancer109 Well-Known Member

    never had anyone correct my syntax when talking about my dad... but i would say he "beat" prostate cancer, so maybe that's why.

    was she saying that to "correct your english" or was she, in her mind, keeping you from getting your hopes up?
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    My (cynical) take? She was processing her own feelings about her Daddy's death from cancer.

    It wouldn't have bothered me if she'd done it once. But every single time it came up and I said cancer-free, she came back with in remission.

    It really got on my nerves. Everybody who's ever dealt with cancer knows that it's an open door. I just don't think that it's particularly helpful to have someone else remind me of that repeatedly. I can remind myself. Thank you very much.
  10. TinyDancer109

    TinyDancer109 Well-Known Member

    i agree. you undertsand the risks. but thinking positively about it can only help, not hurt.
  11. TinyDancer109

    TinyDancer109 Well-Known Member

    Both dad and kitty had a rough night. i dont even know what to say other than that. :(
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    You had a rough night too. I'm so sorry.
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    sorry TD...so sorry
  14. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member


    *hugs*
  15. katherinejh

    katherinejh Member

    Hugs to everybody.

    It's looking like my dad's transplant will be late January-early February. By then I will likely be back at my parents' (my current contract is coming to an end, and despite my many, many, many job applications, no bites) to at least try and help in between working whatever horrible retail slavery I can manage to find.

    RE: word choice, my mother is a nurse and has always used 'in remission' to refer to it - first with her father, then with her mother-in-law, then with her aunt, now with her son and husband, regardless of the chance of reoccurance.
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yeah. And in remission is what it is, but I don't feel like it was my friend's province to tell me which words I should be comfortable with.

    A health care professional is a bit different, in my mind, because they need to maintain a distance. My friend? Not so much.

    It's like me and the word death. Even though I was raised using the word death, I know that a lot of people are more comfortable with "passed away" or "passed on" or something similar. I would never consider correcting (especially repeatedly) someone who preferred what is basically a euphemism. In fact I rarely say that someone died, even though that's what they did.

    Eh.
  17. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    Best wishes on that. More people I know are either getting cancer or have had it. It's scary stuff...
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh my word! That is tough!. :-(
  19. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    katherine...I am thinking that perhaps that time could be a very important and graced time for you to feel involved

    P...I hear you about corrections...while there is a difference btwn cancer free and remission...if someone would like to be with the notion of cancer free it is their perogative....I could see how someone might ONCE want to make sure family members understood the distinction, but beyond that you are simply inviting people to something they don't want...


    as a grief counselor and someone who has experienced three very serious losses, I have a number of terms I don't appreciate...but I will leave it at that b/c I don't want to give them to people who aren't yet bothered by them
  20. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    One of my students who has missed several classes showed up last night with a broken jaw and staples in her head. She had been jumped by 3 guys. I hope they settled for just robbing her.

    A former student in her late 20s just died of a heart attack.

    It's been a long week...

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