Life is Hard Thread

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by TinyDancer109, Dec 6, 2010.

  1. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    Hugs for you SF. I remember losing my grandma (my last grandparent.) It was a relief, as she'd had Alzheimer's and had been "gone" already for a while. But it was such a weird feeling, not just losing a person that I loved, but like losing a connection to the past.
     
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    amen, wooh.

    My grand and great-grand parents all passed within a five to six year period. It was awful. I didn't realize how important they all were to my life ... then in a flash, they were all gone. All of them.

    Hugs and blessings, SF. Hugs to your Mom from me.
     
  3. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I had posted yesterday or the day before about my Nana. She hasn't really gotten sick with any specific illness, she has just been gradually weaker and weaker.. she started talking about how she misses her husband, and she stopped eating and drinking, so she is essentially starving to death.. she was moved to hospice today and is heavily medicated for her pain. I spoke to my aunt who was with her this morning and she said I may want to consider whether I want to see her this bad or remember her the way she was... my gut is telling me it would be too hard to see her like this. She would not be able to talk to me or hug me, she may not even know I was there. Its sort of like she's already gone, because she has decided she wants to go and there's nothing to do but wait.. but I know its going to be really hard to hear it, when it finally happens.

    I'm realizing I don't know have a lot of real life connections I can openly share this stuff with, so I really appreciate you guys for listening.
     
  4. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, ww.
     
  5. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    *hugs* ww...my grandma is not eating as much as she should, either.
     
  6. Zhena

    Zhena Well-Known Member

    A year and a half ago, I was with my father's oldest sister every day in the last week of her life. Yes, she was totally different lying in that bed hardly moving ... she didn't respond to anything in those last few days - she was a stranger ... but I was glad I was there, even if she was beyond caring. And after all this time, it's hard to remember the last days ... what comes back is the holidays where she brightened the room ... the way she made each of us feel special ... her wicked sense of humor that managed to peek out when we teased enough ... and her service at her church where so many people came to show that they appreciated her.

    I hope everything ultimately has gone well for your Nana. Whether you see (saw?) her or not, I think she knows you care ...
     
  7. Zhena

    Zhena Well-Known Member


    Is your grandma doing better now?
     
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I have something to offer...having worked for hospice for a decade, that I hope will bring some peace to those of you who have a relative who has stopped eating;

    when a person whose body is shutting down because the are irreversably at the end of their life, stops eating....that is normal...and not only normal, but paradoxically, a good thing for their dying process...even though it is hard for their family to grasp...dying is not like getting a cold, where a bowl of chicken soup will make it better...as a person's organs are shutting down, food becomes harder and harder to process...eating begins to feel horrible, like swallowing rocks or drowning in your own fluid...the body can't process it....this is why usually the only thing very ill people can eat is mechanical soft food that is heavy enough to pass through on it's own but not needing to be broken down...even liquid is hard because it isn't heavy enough and often sits in the throat....people in this situation are not dying because they are starving to death...they have stopped eating because they are dying...and the introduction of food often increases their discomfort however dearly we would like to see them eat....but as those organs shut down, if we don't push food except when they can take it, toxins build up as they eliminate less as well, and they become delirious (you'll see reaching and pulling of bedclothes) and not having to fight unwelcome food in their system they have a much better chance of passing peacefully....one of the great frustrations of hospice is that, because people think you have to be on death's door to be on it, they often don't get in soon enough to eliminate these issues of acute discomfort and facilitate the experience I am describing....I hope, in some way this is helpful and for those of you with questions, I am happy to answer them in public or private
     
  9. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    A little. She's still most of her mental functions, which is great. I'm putting the lack of eating down to her increased inactivity...she's not doing much except sit around home and go shopping. It could definitely be down to what fasc said, too. I've noticed that she has an easier time eating, say, vegetables than a sandwich.
     
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    yes...even when recovery is a possibility, soft mushy foods are best...applesauce, pudding....
     
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    For my granddad (who had throat cancer) the solution was baby food. We'd buy it by the case. He wasn't too big a fan of the savory foods :lol: but he really like strained plums and peaches.
     
  12. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Grandmother's ashes will be buried this afternoon during a private ceremony. And to think she passed away on the same day as her birthday, January 26th. She turned 99.
     
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    You and your family will be in my thoughts, SF. :friend:
     
  14. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Wow. I didn't know any of this. Thank you for posting.

    They're not expecting her to make it through the weekend.
    I saw a photo of her from about a month ago, she's holding her new great-grandson. It took me a few moments to register that it was her, she looks so much older all of a sudden. But I think she looks beautiful.
     
  15. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    On an unrelated note... Today was Day 25..
     
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    there was a poster in one of the facilities I used to frequent that had a picture of an elder holding a baby and it read " the sunset is no less beautiful than the sunrise"
     
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    I think I saw that poster (or one similar) at the nursing home where my brother lives. Very poignant. :cool:
     
  18. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    The passing of Jill Kinmont Boothe, the skiing champion who became a painter and a teacher after she was paralyzed during a race for the Olympic Trials and was the subject of a book and two Hollywood films, has died. She was 75. I just want to say, I met Jill at the ranch in Bishop the first summer I worked there. She was my inspiration for learning to ski in the first place, and then teaching adaptive skiing. She was a teacher, well respected in the community. We got in trouble from her Uncle, when my brother and my cousin and I loaded her into a giant tractor trailer truck inner-tube, much like donut, and all of us would spin, like a tire on the road, down the empty pool from the shallow end to the deep end and bounce off the wall. She would scream with laughter...well....until we all got caught. Her Uncle was beside himself, except that she kept smiling and laughing at him. She was a great lady and her husband John, of all these years, is an exceptional man. From the yard sales, the walks in Bishop, the children she influenced at the school named after her, and all of our adventures everytime there was togetherness, May she rest in peace with God's blessing abounding.
     
  19. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Monday night about 8:30. She got to be with the love of her life on Valentine's Day.

    Yesterday was difficult.. I was down because of that event and the holiday was very difficult for me, I couldn't stop dwelling on certain things. Sigh. I felt a little bit better today and tomorrow I will feel better than I did today.
     
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss, ww.
     

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