Matters of the heart

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by Shooshoo, May 15, 2006.

  1. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    A couple of years ago I had this powerful crush on this guy I saw regularly. He was involved with someone and eventually got married, etc. I kept away and made it a point not to cross his path. I had strong feelings for quite a while and I felt very bad to have felt the way I did (since I couldn’t have him).

    Today he is right in front of me and available and I don’t want him. I can’t believe how I feel. I know I can get him if I try, but these feelings I had just disappeared, as if it never happened?

    I just can’t understand this heart of ours. Romantic love must be an illusion then, isn’t it? It’s not real, is it? And how would one know if there’s potential for something real. Is it just that one must take the risk and try and then if it turns to love, then great? Or is it that when I’m ready for a relationship, then everything will fall in place? Is it finding the compatible person or is it just a right time? Or maybe both? Or is it me that I fear commitment so I just fall for unavailable men or just in my mind where it’s safe not to get hurt?

    It’s really confusing me this ‘human heart’? Does anyone here have any explanation? Is anyone here is as confused as I am?
  2. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    I think that a lot of people when they are younger are more in love with the idea of being in love, than they are in love with the the other person. We want and need romance as much as we want and need someone else in our lives.

    As we get older, you develop a better appreciation of what you actually want (both romance and a soulmate), and you get a bit pickier in your relationships. Sometimes you change.. what you value changes, and sometimes they change.

    and sometimes, what attracted us to a person in the first place... that spark or energy is just subdued for a while... often happens after a bad break-up. Maybe just give it some time.
  3. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    maybe.. its cause u saw me .. all other men fade in comparison.. u know

    HAHAHA.. j/k ;)
  4. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I had dated a guy by the name of Dan for four years from 1997-2001 that my family loved and I had thought I loved. Everyone kept telling us that we were going to get married. It turned out, he e-mailed me (still don't know why he didn't call me), and told me that he had found another and was going to get married to her. I had a fit as you could imagine. But now after my recent x (a guy that I dated shortly after him) and I met and got together (according to him, but I never thought we were in a relationship then lol) in 2002, I realized what true love was even though things didn't work out... all the old feelings for Dan disappeared.

    Romantic love happens if you make it romantic. Dan and I always made everything romatic even when we were just friends. But my recent x was far from romantic even though I still loved him lol.

    Let me tell you that true love is real. I hate to say it, but my x was right that true love is also hard. It's like you know if you are in love with the person, because you just can't live without them. And I don't mean hard like always making things difficult etc., you just have more feelings than just the casual fly by the night type of fling if this makes sense lol. And they always say that you will know, and believe me... you will know when you find the right one. You have to make things work, and this is where my problem was. But who knows, we could get together still a million years from now lol (unless I meet Max and his cute tushy first... of course tushy first.. I mean Max first, ok no his tushy lol, and I know someone that could make it possible right MQ)!:raisebro:

    You know you have to take a risk in love. I know that I have said that I regretted telling my x how I feel (and have even said that to him whenever we would fight), but that's only when I miss the guy and wish I had him back in my life. But if I hadn't of told him how I felt, then nothing would have happened, and I wouldn't know anything now if I hadn't of tried.

    And I hate to say this yet once again, but you have to work at being in a relationship. (Again my x was right about this too as to which I thought everything should have come easier, but don't ever tell him I said this lol.) The one that I can say I was truly in love with the guy (my x), we worked at and everyone around us worked at lol until they all wanted to kill us basically lol. We had fought more times probably than when we got along, but that's because we were working on our relationship. Nothing in life is easy in my opinion. I used to think so, but everything in life makes you work to a certain degree whether you like it or not lol.

    I think that you have to find someone compatible and that it does have to be the right time, but being with that said... the relationship still might not work out. I think that with dating, everything happens because of fate etc. Yeah I know I'm a hopeless romantic. But I think that I've had all of my relationships happen because we were all compatible to a certain degree of course lol and it was the right time for that time being. Just cause something doesn't work out, that doesn't mean that it wasn't supposed to happen during that time. It just means that you are to learn from the situation and make sure you don't do it again umm... if it hurts you that is that type of thing.

    It's not you. Relationships happen when they are supposed to happen. You meet everyone in your life for a reason. Never look back and say that wasn't supposed to happen (even though some of us do to a certain degree lol), because that is what you were supposed to go through at that time. And for the most part we all like to take the safe route, but that doesn't mean that you aren't going to get hurt by taking the safe route. You will still get hurt, because that's all part of feelings and human nature and all of that mushy stuff lol.

    I think that everyone has his or her own opinion of the human heart. That's why you'll see millions of books in a library full of theories regarding the human heart. But that's the thing. You can't really focus on what anyone else thinks, because it's your heart and it's how you feel. But I'm like you though that I love to get advice about this type of thing lol.

    And don't worry about it. If there was anyone that I wanted to be with more than anything in this world, it was my x. When he broke up with me after a fight with my sister, my world collapsed. It was something I had never gone through before, not even with Dan. And it was hard like you couldn't believe to let go of him. We fought all the way up until February of this year (that's when I started dance), and I guess I kept thinking that he'd come back to me when I woke up one day and thought no... he's not coming back.

    And what makes it even harder is that he found his trophy girlfriend that's perfect according to what they say (except no one really likes her from what I can tell hehe), and will probably marry her. Of course it doesn't help that when I told him where to go I also told him to go out and marry whomever. (That was a big mistake on my part.) But I think at the time that my emotions were so out of control, I felt like I was living in a different body like who is this person?

    So, now I'm back at square one and I haven't the faintest idea as to how to even get out there and if I even want to at this point. I had two major failed relationships, and needless to say all of those dates that didn't work out as well, and you begin to wonder what's wrong with you. Why can't I be loved in the way that I want to be loved? I also have wondered to this day if my x were to come back to me what I would do, and would I take him back. I mean that you just go through all kinds of stuff. To me that's only normal when you are dealing with relationships though. Relationships aren't supposed to be easy. They are hard and they take work. Remember that.

    *Edited this to add in one more answer and a few other things that I left out lol.;)
  5. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    i I may be becoming deeply cynical ( not to mention bitter and twisted)
    but I suspect the idea of romantic love is just another biological imperative to trick us into reproducing.

    One of the nicest relationships that I had began without falling in love and with very little expectation The love came later.
  6. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Those are the best kind of relationships... when you start out as friends first. Except with me I can never find myself to go back to the guy as a friend after we had broken up. I just can't do that to myself, and that's the problem I have now with my x. We just couldn't go back to being friends, because there were to many feelings on my side that weren't the same when we were friends. I couldn't and can't handle the idea of being just friends.
  7. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    oh come on!

    How can you even dance and not say that you wouldn't really want to fly to austria and just waltz; like a prince in a fairly tale. or gamble in monaco and tango with seductive russian spies. or you get all teary eyed watching movies like pride and prejudice because they don't have dances like that anymore (how about the scene where they are dancing, and then its just them in the room, and it ends and then its a whole room of people again... I loved that!) and candlelit dinners, and whispered conversations... how can you not love that?

    so what if its a trick... everyone love tricks, they are amusing and spice up an otherwise dull day... and its one good trick!
  8. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Why is it that you and I can fight like cats and dogs over some issues, but completely agree on others? I actually agree with you. Oh except that to me there is no such thing as fairy tales lol. I know I believe in romance and fate etc., but even a prince is not always considered prince charming unless he shows up on a white horse with some chocolate, a ring, and a big smile on his face lol. But the rest of the stuff I agree with!!! Hey, that's a big step in the right direction for us I think!!!;)
  9. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    Me neither.
  10. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    A couple of years my girlfriend at the time and I made a new year's resolution to only have chocolate when we were kissing each other... not allowed at any other time! We later broadened it so that we could have a piece during the day, but you had to call up the other person and, uh, well... conversations tended towards the naughty side. A box of chocolates was a statement... and chocolate sauce, not even going to go there!
  11. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Lol! Yeah, but you'll be hard pressed to find any woman agreeing to that kind of commitment no matter how sexual you might make it out to be. Sorry, but when I want chocolate, you better get out of my way when I head to the cubbard to get some!:mad: :D
  12. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    mmm... so much better to wait for it ... think about it... fantasize about it... tease yourself with it... talk about it... how good it will feel as it first slides onto the tip of the tongue... how you can already smell the heady perfume of the chocolate as it slowly starts to melt in your mouth... :D
  13. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Nope! Sorry. Doesn't work for me!;)
  14. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I'm 36!!!
  15. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    [​IMG]


    You didn't answer all the questions!!!
  16. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I'm sure it is, cause I believe in love, as in friendships, between people, etc.
    I don't know about 'just can't live without them". People in general are survivors and also people forget. You can maybe miss someone or feel bad that you don't have them, but you can always live without them


    :( . That's what everyone says.... I want it easy and simple.
  17. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Yeah, that's what many science books say.

    But c'mon, people are also different. Some are more romantic than others, some more practical, some just want to reproduce.
  18. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Me neither :) .
  19. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    What confuses me is how the feelings of heart changes. And how much love one needs to feel to get in a relationship. What also confuses me also is that it's so easy for some people and then so difficult for others.
  20. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    "Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds. "
    Shakespeare

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