Matters of the heart

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by Shooshoo, May 15, 2006.

  1. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I think that there are some people that like the idea of love, and that's when you fall in and out of love a lot. (I accused my x of this in fact, and unfortunately for me it was true whether he will ever admit it or not.) This leads me to believe that these people aren't really in love even if the other person is in love in the relationship. This to me is also why it's easy for some people and difficult for others. ;)
  2. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    True, but then there are movies like The Notebook, and another one that I watched this past weekend that made me cry it was so sweet, but I can't remember what it was and the couples couldn't live without each other in life and death lol. But I don't mean "to live with out them" means to live without them like in life or death. I mean that you won't ever forget them. That they will always be in your heart no matter what as long as you live. :p

    We would all love this!!!;)
  3. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    I don't believe it, not a day over 28. but presumably you were younger when you first met this guy... and may have been attracted to what he represented at the time... adventure, attention, novelty, a status symbol.

    I've been in easy and simple relationships, very 'practical'... all of the romance of a corporate merger. The kind of thing you fall into because its less work than not falling into it. and I've been deeply unhappy, and had absolutely no reason to be. Like you are missing something, something important, and you don't know exactly what it is... but you know its not there. and you feel terrible because you have this "perfect relationship" and it just isn't. and you can't even explain it to everyone. and its not like you ever wanted to be here, it just happened... it was never a concious decisions to move things forward. and you feel trapped, because there is no way out of it without really hurting someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt, and knowing your family and friends will never understand. Well, what I am saying is that easy and simple relationships have a way of turning really hard and complex... and maybe if they were a bit harder up front, had a couple points where you had to make a decision to go forward, you wouldn't have let it go on so long and made such a wreck of it all.

    well, no, not ALL of us. :(
  4. hello

    hello New Member

    Love is when you love the person more than yourself. When you put his/her well-being before yours. I'm not talking codependent, desparate, destructive actions that debilitate your life, but selfless acts you don't even realize you are doing for another person. For me, love has happened when that person needed me the most. I know it's love because I want to protect this person from pain at any cost. Love sneaks up on you. Love is the ultimate force in humanity. It's just about finding the other person that feels the same way about love that you do. Ok, and a little attractiveness helps:)

    The trend I see occurring, single people struggling to find love, many putting off marriage til late 30s, 40s, +, is that society, culture and people are more complicated now. We desire more things, have more particular standards (note I didn't say higher!). Of course it's going to be harder to find the right love of your life, because life is always changing. I think people who find one person to love the rest of their lives are rare, but not necessarily luckier or happier. Maybe life is more interesting if you have more than one love. And of course, anything truly special is truly rare. I think love is not easy to find, but when one does, then it is "easy." Meaning, you don't question yourself, you just know, because you love the other person.
  5. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    How how do you Mr. AzureDreamer don't believe I'm a day over 28???

    I can relate to what you're saying cause if my first boyfriend hadn't dumped I'm sure I would have married him and ended up like what you descibed above. Something was missing, but nothing was wrong (I'm sure he felt the same way).

    I don't believe that's a rule. I've seen many relationships start easy and simple and stays that way (to a certain level).
  6. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Don't really agree.

    I'm not sure about that either? When I think of who I love, for example family members, it's that I love them and give without waiting for something in return, or you know what you're getting in turn so you're happy about it.
    But you will get something in return, either a smile, appreciation, support, etc. So it is a give and take relationship.

    That's more of what I could believe.
  7. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Oh I so completely agree! I felt and feel this way about my x. I know I still give him grief, but I would do anything for him if he were to come back into my life. And I did everything for him, so you would probably think differently wouldn't you lol? Not because of who he was or what he did or that I felt like I needed to. No. I did those things because I loved him, and really you don't even think about doing the things when you do them, because you love the other person so much.

    In fact, you don't even think about them thanking you everytime or even smiling at you everytime for that matter. You do those things unconditionally without expecting anything in return. What's funny is that I told him to stop thanking me etc. for everything, because he would thank me for even saying hi to him lol, but this was because I didn't care to be thanked and given things in return like what he was used to doing. I just knew that he loved me and that was all I needed to know. (Although, hearing them say I love you now and then is alright!!! He was good at this part, and that was good enough for me!!!);)
  8. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member



    I think its very different for me. Love is when making someone else happy is what makes you happy. Its not that you are putting them before yourself... its the recognition that what you want most is to satisfy them, make them happy, fufill their needs. Love is fundamentally selfish, even greedy. Its not a give and take, its not some kind of reciprocity; its giving without any expectation or need for anything else... because that giving is what is important to you. Its not an obligation, a sacrifice, or a compromise... its a privilege.
  9. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    I think there is a wonderful positive feedback loop here. When you are delighted in the other person's delight.....
  10. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    yeah.. i agree shooshoo.. matters of the booty are so important
  11. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I still seem to disagree here. I believe there's some kind of reciprocity, especially in a man-woman relationship. How long can you keep giving love and not getting any back?
    Yes, its a privilege, if you get this love back in some form.
  12. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    yes sabor...booties are very important.
  13. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    well, I feel like there are a number of people I am still deeply in love with that I couldn't, for one reason or another, stay in a long-term relationship with; you need other things to make relationships work too... love is necessary, but not sufficient.... loyalty, consideration/respect, shared goals/interests are also considerations... besides them being in love with you as well.

    but I don't want someone to just try to satisfy me out of some sense of obligation or reciprocity... only because they really were comfortable to and really wanted to. Their desire, even need, to see me pleased is at least as important to me as 'getting some'.

    but my loving them doesn't depend on that feeling being returned.

    yeah, the best.
  14. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    so you need to get something in return?
  15. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Maybe we have different definitions here for the wordings.
    In mine, I wouldn't call that 'real love'. For me it more of affection, admiration, obsession. That's why I feel in a way it's also a mind thing. Not real.

    Anyway, that's why I'm pretty confused.
  16. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I got this in my email today. I think I'll just agree with the little kids (even I don't agree with all of them).:p




    Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it.
    Touching words from the mouth of babes.
    What does Love mean?
    A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"


    The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think :


    _____
    "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
    So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
    Rebecca- age 8
    _____
    "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
    You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
    Billy - age 4 (I love this one)
    _____
    "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
    Karl - age 5
    _____
    "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

    Chrissy - age 6
    ___
    "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
    Terri - age 4
    _____
    "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
    Danny - age 7

    _____
    "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
    My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

    Emily - age 8
    _____
    "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
    Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

    _____
    "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
    Nikka - age 6
    (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
    _____
    "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
    Noelle - age 7

    _____
    "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
    Tommy - age 6

    _____
    "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
    Elaine-age 5
    _____
    "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
    Chris - age 7
    _____
    "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

    Mary Ann - age 4
    _____
    "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
    Lauren - age 4

    _____
    "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
    Karen - age 7

    _____
    "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
    Mark - age 6

    _____
    "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
    Jessica - age 8

    _____
    And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
    The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
    The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
    Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
    When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
    "Nothing, I just helped him cry"
  17. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    mmmm... not sure this is 'love', but I prefer this one anyway :raisebro: :raisebro: :raisebro:
  18. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    well, what you call "love" I might call a "soulmate" ... really being in synch, feeling the same intensity, sharing the same values, a true partnership. For me, "love" is one component of that, my emotional state.

    and "just being in the mind" doesn't make it any less important or real. If anything, to me that matters even more. 'Why' someone does something is at least as important as 'what' they do.
  19. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    A buddhist monk's (contemproary ie still alive) take on love is that it is understanding of the other person. If you know what makes that person happy or sad and give them something that they like then that's one example, and conversely if you make a guess and they don't like it and you don't know, its not love.

    (Discuss) ;)
  20. alemana

    alemana New Member


    freaking hell that just made me cry.

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