Minor rant: dance loyalty

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by Dance Monkey, Mar 18, 2012.

  1. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    These women that intentionally switch partners on you, are they of individuals who are in high demand by the men at the party? Do you see multiple men approach her or try to intercept her before she gets off the floor? If she is like that, then you just have to be really fast. Even if you reserve her in advance, many cases, she'll forget because another guy has swooped in and taken her back on the floor.
     
  2. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    I'm with you here, and I'll tell you that I have no problems not asking someone again who has done this. I'll even not ask someone who has exhibited similar behavior to someone else. You know, the old, no thanks, I'm tired, but when the next guy asks 30 seconds later in the same song they aren't tired anymore.

    Quite literally, years ago someone made a scene in the middle of the floor when I did something unexpected. I really thought she would apologize the next time I saw her. She didn't. I haven't asked her to dance for a long, long time.
    Well, this last week she asked me, and based on our exchange, it was obvious that she was bored with always doing the same things.
    Now that she has approached me, I'll begin asking her again. It's been so long she may not even remember what happened.

    The people I most want to associate with have standards that closely match mine. I have no obligation to make myself vulnerable to someone who will act in an inconsiderate way.

    Like I said, I'm with you.
     
  3. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    You aren't getting it. It's not always a reservation, in some cases it is them reserving a dance with me. Mostly it's the interrupted acceptance, but the worst case was when we were trying to get in the floor.

    High demand or not, I never rush or wait around for someone to get off the floor.

    If the switch was clearly intentional I would never dance with them again.
     
  4. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    If I find that the same thing (whatever response) is happening to me with multiple people, then I consider whether it's really in fact me. If my response to considering that is to get snippy and defensive, it's DEFINITELY me.
     
  5. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    Never say never. I still look at it as a case of forgetfulness. Happens to me all the time. A lady reserves a dance with me for a song in the future. If I forget, she comes by and gives me a scolding. Naturally, I apologize and give her the dance she wanted plus a bonus as an apology.
     
  6. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Thats unfortunate.
     
  7. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    At least you give an apology.
     
  8. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Max, I liked your story, but when we come to the end of it, the first lady not only turns out to be rude, but in trying to justify her rudeness damns herself further.

    Often, when I had promised someone a particular dance, or she had promised me, when it comes time for the dance, we sometimes cannot find each other, and we start dancing with who is there with us then. This would even happen in a place where the dances were posted several songs in advance, let alone in a place where you don't know what will play until it starts playing. The first couple of times, it was annoying. After I while, I realized that it made no sense to stress about it. Now, I never try to reserve a dance in advance, and if a lady asks to reserve one, I ask her to come find me when an appropriate song comes on. I will give her priority, but if I can't find her, I'll start dancing with whoever is handy and willing. ;-) I've had cases where the lady had left the venue before her song came on.

    I would be willing to cut a lady slack if her excuse for rescinding her acceptance of my invitation to dance the current song was something like "Oh, I forgot I promised Mr. X". Otherwise, I will not invite her again.
     
  9. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    I hear you.

    After early tragedies in my life, I've learned never to keep grudges---life's too short for that kind of useless emotion.

    I prefer to move on and ascribe the behaviour as their issue, not mine.

    (As such, I never begrudged the said lady, and just took her excuse at face-value--for whatever her reasons were, it was outside my realm of interest at that point).





    m
     
  10. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    No, dear, that's a hint to get a mirror and reconsider your adamant stance on it's absolutely 100% not your fault ever ever ever. Look for the constant in the equation, not the variable, when the results are repeated.
     
  11. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Oh, I agree, I don't keep grudges, but I also don't want to waste my time, nor do I want to be seen to reward such behavior.
     
  12. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Yep---same here.





    m
     
  13. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    Forgiving is not the same as forgetting.
    Charlie Brown trying to kick the football as Lucy holds it for him comes to mind.
     
  14. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    despite protestations to the contrary, i bet you kept that smile for about a week.

    i'm petty enough to know that i probably would have!

    though it's never happened in ballroom - but it has in salsa - i got profiled by a latina who turned me down, accepted a dance from someone else for the same song, watched me dance and then stood near me the rest of the evening hoping i'd ask her to dance. i danced with all her friends at least twice. if she had offered a real apology, i would have danced with her also.
    ==================
    there's one point that's not clear to me - are these follows not dancing with the OP at all, or perhaps at the other end of the spectrum: "after the 10th time i danced with them, other guys keep cutting in"?
     
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    when I first began dancing, there was a gentleman who was, at the time far more advanced than I, and he would scold me and be rude to me for not following his lead...in truth I was simply being over responsible and trying my hardest to do what I thought was neccessary....many thousands of hours of practice and thousands of dollars of investment later...well, let's just say the tables have turned considerably....I am not rude to him but I definitively make no effort to enhance his dance experience
     
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    as to the original issue, I can't recall a time when two men even asked for the same dance....must be doing something wrong :)
     
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    If dancing too beautifully is wrong. :wink:


    *singing* If dancing with you is wrong, I don't wanna be right. :cool: :-D
     
  18. CANI

    CANI Active Member

    Dance Monkey - Have you asked the women what happened? Approached them with curiousity (not accusation) and asked? And then shared your view of what happened?
     
  19. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Ohhh, thats what it was. Well here is a little hint, I was giving your hint the same amount of attitude that it was giving me. Try reading my posts and understanding this was a a rant, which entails a bit of steam releasing. Along the way you might realize you have missed quite a bit of variables for this specious equation of yours.
     
  20. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I have. When I met my DP for the first time, she was a blonde. Stood out very clearly among a sea of brunette and black hair. Men would literally come running from all directions just to be the first one to tap her on the shoulder so they would get the dance. It was a race and the guys who were a second behind would shake their head in frustration, yet the next dance race over again.

    Nowadays, she turns down all the men as she just wants to practice with me.
     

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