Minor rant: dance loyalty

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by Dance Monkey, Mar 18, 2012.

  1. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Yes, some of them have been asked and the results are in my previous posts. Here are a few:

    - one of my friends at first feigned ignorance (it never happened) until I pointed out other witnesses to her acceptance and then desertion. She cracked and stated she was self conscious of her ability. This lines up with other times I have seen her refuse a dance. She promised to make it up to me by dancing every dance with me... But it was not really an apology, more of a surrender I did not want.

    - the same friend previously did not understand the body language cues to invite a dance and would go dance with the dude grabbing her arm caveman style... This resulted in me not asking for a month and the above issue occurred when I did.

    - another said her head was just not in the right place. The instructor saw it and the leader apologized (who also grabbed her cave man style). She apologized too for not protesting, then asked me not to hate her.

    - another said I was not there and that she looked for me. Blatant lie as I was there to her left if she had bothered to turn her head. I dont dance with her anymore.

    - another said she was not going to dance "on one" This time and that she would the next time. She lied as that was the last excuse she gave me. I noticed there was a dancer she likes to dance with who was with her both times. She has reserved a dance with me before but never when he was available... I suspect, but can't verify this was the real reason.

    - two said they were confused.

    - another said she had time with a dance pro, but previously she had told me the time was up later and I should ask her then... Well it was much later... She lied.

    I'm finding a lot of them are not just telling me no for whatever reason. Some are just confused, which I understand, but since no apology has appeared except for one I'm just going to put them on my black list. I checked with a dance pro if I was doing something wrong (and she would tell me alright). I ended up getting a couple lead corrections, but otherwise she liked dancing with me and really likes my attitude.

    Ok I'm feeling the rant die down a bit. Time for some yoga and tea.
  2. CANI

    CANI Active Member

    I did read in the previous posts the people who were confused part and the hearing issue/unclear hand part, but wasn't getting why these were leading to knock people off your list of dance partners.

    Based on the info above, sounds like you've decided on the path with your list and your interpretation of their actions, and you want to rant versus resolve the situation (understandable given the title of the thread is rant)...and so I won't offer my interpretation and suggestions and just will say, good luck, and I hope you get the results you are looking for with your reduced list of dancers.
  3. I can honestly say that I've never had this happen to me before. And if a girl were to do it to me I'd remember her forever. But, there are so many other women out there that I wouldn't even waste more then a minute to consider her rudeness.

    What I suggest as a good way to channel your aggressive emotions is just get out there on that dance floor and show them what they have missed out on. And if you aren't at the level to do that yet use those emotions to help you through the hard times in dance and know that someday every girl will want to dance with you.

    There is really no reason to rant and get worked up over rude people like that. Just take it in stride and tango on.
  4. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Well put.
  5. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Not really, since there was plenty of suggestion offering and interpretation. Just sayin'.
  6. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    I think that long grudge list and snitty attitude to anyone who doesn't immediately say 'poor baby' indicates the 'rescue' theory is probably more right than you think. (This is not my first internet rodeo, dear, I am very good at reading between rant lines.)

    And honestly, forgetting is easy. If you have THAT many people you feel you cannot forgive rather than just forget over that many petty things, stick to hobbies that don't involve interacting with other human beings. I am sure people have done things that were rude to me at dances, but I do not keep a scorecard in my head or plot to somehow have my revenge. Maybe I just dance at venues with nicer people than others. Given the complaints on here recently, I'm starting to think I've just been incredibly lucky and somehow dodged the studios full of a-holes that are apparently everywhere....
  7. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    If you would remember forever then I suspect you are going to spend more than a minute annoyed by her rudeness. Ranting is how I work it out. This has happened many times. The last time it happened my ex dance partner was there to help me destress. She forced me to dance Hip hop which is not my forte, but to be fair I did make her dance a bachata (she hates it). This actually makes me more thankful for such a good friend.
  8. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    I just re-read CANI's posts. I guess you're seeing something I'm not seeing.
  9. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Fortunately I have only been giving attitude in return for attitude given. Maybe someone will rescue me from you.

    - It's great that you have such control over selective memory.

    - I forgive when someone asks for forgiveness.
    - Keep reading between the lines, perhaps you will find the answer you are looking to create.
    - Whats this revenge talk? Not dancing with someone who does not respect or want to dance with you is common sense.
  10. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    CANI wasn't bad, but the very declaration that I'm set in my interpretation is in itself giving me an interpretation... I'm sorry, I forgot to add a :p to the response. :eek:
  11. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    OK, so with that laundry list of offences, things start to get clearer. It seems from the terms you choose, that the place you are dancing is more of a Salsa/Bachata/club dance place than Ballroom. Is this correct? If so, there is definitely a different dynamic in the Salsa world than the Ballroom world.

    Second, you've now given a list of offenders. Six, if I count correctly. And unless you are being extremely diligent about listing them all out (which is an issue in and of itself) there are probably more. So, either rudeness is the order of the day where you dance, in which case it's probably worthwhile to find somewhere else to dance, or some self-examination is in order.
  12. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    I knock the confused ones off because there was no acceptance of responsibility on their part. If they had just said "oh, I'm sorry, I missed that" then I would have no issue with them. Being confused is an explanation, not an apology. If I run into you because I was dizzy, then I still apologize.
  13. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    Forgiveness isn't for the other person, so it doesn't matter if they ask for it. The ladies you've listed that have "wronged" you probably aren't giving it a lick of thought. You're here obsessing about it. Forgive so that it's not in your brain and heart when you go dance. Because if you're carrying that with you, you're not going to be the fun easy going guy that women want to dance with, that women will make absolutely SURE that they don't get stolen away from.

    ETA: Waiting for an apology falls under the same umbrella as the previous issue, just in case "apology" and "asking for forgiveness" are different things for you.
  14. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Max, if you are reading this I just realized my last outing has parallels to your story!

    My ex dance partner was there and she had promised to dance all the salsa with me, but had bent the agreement due to mutual friends asking her to dance. When the lady left me for another she had just got off the floor and was observing me. She saw I was annoyed so she danced with me to show off. Later we did a cha cha and she put so much into it that many were impressed. She even made me dance some hip hop with her (she is good).

    Later as I was waiting to walk her out she ran up to me beaming that someone asked if she was a pro. :) I was reminded of when we were competing and people would ask us if we were instructors as they watched us practice.
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    if one looks at the structure of the word forgiveness, it implies "giving before" an apology is there...just saying
  16. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    This. (Have I seriously just had an unprecedented run of luck with not running into huge numbers of rude leaders and oblivious followers?)

    And it's not about controlling selective memory (which is somewhat redundant; "selective" implies there is always control over that function), it's about opting to not obsess and be bitter. As wooh and fascination point out, forgiveness for anything is not about waiting for the other person to come asking for forgiveness. THAT scenario is about feeling powerful and is more akin to revenge. It's not forgiveness if you won't 'give' it until the other person admits wrong and begs for it. Personally I don't need to give myself an ulcer stewing over an enemies list of everyone who ever intentionally or unintentionally slighted me at what is supposed to be a fun social event.
  17. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Thank you for coloring everything. My requirements for forgiveness dont involve begging, etc... But you do seem entertaining, so carry on while I get my popcorn.
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    okay...let's all cool hostilities....not sure anyone is advocating begging...but I do think folks can all give a care to their tone
  19. Dance Monkey

    Dance Monkey New Member

    Interesting. Have you ever watched the movie the love guru? Ahh, but we digress. This would be suited for another thread/section.
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I haven't seen it...we began a conversation about forgiveness under the enlightenment thread a while back...and we should probably take this there for those who wish to explore it further (which doesn't include me as that sort of issue is loaded and usually contentious)...I only offered my observation as it specifically pertained to the idea that the person in question had expressed no particular remorse to you ....

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