Having had the experience of dancing with a follow who insisted on dancing to her own sense of timing, which was waaaaaay off, I can sympathize with the OP. (And I think, that until and unless her DP joins here and posts, we owe it to her to take her at her word... it's what we do for each other here.) I always say that, as the lead, timing is my prerogative. However, when I talk about "timing" in that sense, I'm talking about small variations put in for the purpose of expressing the movement. As the lead, you can lead unorthodox timing, but if you're going to do that, you better make darn sure that your lead is crystal-clear. It is primarily the follow's job to express the music, and she can't do that if she has to ignore the music in order to follow the lead's timing. Observation: Alice says that her partner seems to have the most trouble with faster tempos. That, I totally get. When the tempo is fast and you don't feel like you can keep up with it, the first thing you do is make all of your movements abrupt and jerky -- which is terrible for leading. The poor follow has no inkling that you're about to do something until you've already done it. That in turn adds latency to the following, which just throws things off further, and the next thing you know, you're wondering where the hell the rhythm went. There are two answer to this: First of all, dance to slower tempos until you get more accustomed to each other. Second, both partners need to work on "filling up the beat" with movement.