Negative comments from family members who don't dance

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by tanya_the_dancer, Apr 11, 2009.

  1. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    in regard of non-stopping nagging negative comments from family members, who do not dance and do not stop their comments, here is my advice:

    ask them to dance for you, video tape them, then ask them to watch you and then them, and then tell them that when they do at least 75% of what you can do, they are welcome to comment on your dancing. Until then, do not take them seriosly, and may be stop inviting them to your comps (well not too much you can do about all of these if they are your parents so:)
  2. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member

    At least your family members make comment. Whenever I start to talk about dancing to my mom, she does not respond at all. That means she totally disagrees, but she does not talk about it. That's the scary part.
  3. NonieS

    NonieS Well-Known Member


    You tell em!!! lol..
  4. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    My both hands in the air for that:rocker:
  5. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    Why do you think she disapproves dancing so much? On what ground: financial, religious?
  6. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    like what?
  7. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Wow...just baffled and sorry that some are receiving negative comments from family members. I mean, if your hobby was golf or stamp collecting, would you get the same reaction? Is the negative reaction specific to dancing or is it a case of family members just not wanting to hear about your interests - any interests - at all?
  8. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    it's probly because of the visual nature of this particular hobby... if one looks stiff, awkward, clumsy, or frightened, it's going to be quickly apparent that one's no candidate for DWTS, lol. and everybody has an opinion on DWTS, so of course that carries thru to a relative. ;)

    they might even be embarrassed, even just by having a family member expressing his or herself publicly. that's an embarrassing thing to many people, even by association.
  9. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    My parents are the same way. They rather that I spend more of my time on things that could improve my career. I always receive a disapproving look coupled with the question, "Are you going dancing again?" They can't do anything about it because I support my dancing on my own.
  10. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Well, I would look stiff, awkward, clumsy and frightened if I played golf. :p
  11. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    me too...lol. :)

    but no one really cares as long as you get the ball where it's supposed to. with dancing, ya gotta look gooood. :D
  12. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    well, i think dancing what makes us look good. But I see your point.
  13. jjs914

    jjs914 Active Member

    I think some comments are also the result of ignorance. My mom used to make comments about dance that weren't exactly negative, but weren't particularly positive either.

    What it came down to, when we talked it out, was her needing to understand that I have different finances/financial constraints than she does (I have no family to supprot). I can afford to dance and, while it is expensive, it's about choosing to spend your money in the way that makes you the happiest.

    It also helped, in my situation, to compare dance to a competitive sport rather than a hobby...as far as helping someone else to understand why I put so much practice and lesson time in.
  14. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member

    It's a cultural thing. She does not understand the thing that her daughter is half naked(that's what she thinks) and holding a man who is neither her boy friend nor husband and dancing in public. Hahaha......
  15. amiko

    amiko New Member

    Yep, ignorance is the case most of the time. The critiques I get are "you're spending too much money" on lessons and dresses and my father's response is usually "why spend time dancing, when you can be going to school?". Than again, my dad thinks school is the solution to everything.

    My mom dances at a social level, and she thinks competitive standard looks too stiff. She has never had a single private lesson.

    For social dancers, it's more about having a regular place to go, maybe the thrill of dancing with different people, the spontanaeity (spelling?). :eek:

    Very interesting thread.
  16. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    Well, this is normal age gap issues then, and may have nothing to do with dancing. Dig out something that your mom did when she was young and your grandma would not approve, bringing that into the conversation may help your mom to understand that times and styles including life styles are changing.
  17. Christel M.

    Christel M. New Member

    For us, we started dancing before we were married.... 14 years ago. Did it as a wedding couple, got hooked on the competitive thing. Well, we now get, "have you not outgrown this.. it is so expensive.... takes so much time... don't you think you are taking money away from your sons college and education...." Note, it didn't stop by getting income from it either.

    It is lovely too, we get this every time we see family. It is almost like a constant drip water torture thing. We can almost set our watches as to when the interrogations will start. They have stopped listening to us as to why it is great for us, we have stopped inviting them to watch and be a part of our successes.

    Well, it doesn't get dull at the events, we just wait for the spark to ignite the onslot of verbal accusations...
  18. Ithink

    Ithink Active Member

    Christel, wow that's amazing!

    I think people just don't understand dancing on so many levels, unless they've been privy to the joy and happiness it brings themselves! I mean, for example, your son, if worst comes to worst, can take out loans for his college education - plenty of people do! But can you really put a price on two happy, joyful people raising a child? There are no loans to buy that! There are articles in the press all the time (and studies) about how important it is for children's happiness to have happy parents who take time to do things for *themselves* (gasp!).
  19. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    Hey, looks like dancing got you together and keeps you together, and you are getting fun time spending as couple. How is it NOT MUCH BETTER than trying to find something that you can do together or spending money on shrink trying to stay together.

    We found each other dancing as well, unfortunately, we had to spend many years away from dancing, but we are back dancing, dancing together, when our friends are trying to find a common ground after kids went to college or (even worse) are divorced, because there is no passion that keeps them together.

    In regard of the money for college for your son, I wish we did not pay for our daughter college sacrificing our own needs for fun. May be if she would have to pay herself (at least a big part of it ) she would be more serious about choosing her major and follow thru on that.
  20. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    You right there is no price for happiness. If dancing is bringing so much joy why would you ever stop. Those relatives might be just miserable and unhappy and jealous. what do they have to show their joy? BMW? empty 5 bedroom house? this is your money anyway and you can spend them on anything that makes you happy.

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