one guys beginning dance struggles

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by wiseman, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    let me also say that dance is no place for the person who needs lots of reassurance...I just had a long chat about this today with a friend...if you are going to become a good dancer you had better have some iron-clad big boy britches and an ego that doesn't bruise easily...you are no different than anyone else in that regard...it ain't gonna be a tiptoe through the tulips...you have to want it for internal reasons not external rewards....
  2. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Debateable in general, but certainly not true when his judgement as to what would be a good idea to try with a given partner is being over-ridden by a class routine.
  3. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    I understand. I'll try real hard, I promise. It's just very easy to feel like you're the only one not getting it. Know what I mean? Especially when a group class has people that have been going for quite a while. I'm sure after a few months, I'll get used to all of this and my ego will toughen up.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    excellent...hand in there...there is no shame in eing the newest person or the clumsiest person...only in giving up for such a superficial reason...as we learn to dance, we also grow up...if we allow it
  5. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    bf wants to learn salsa and keeps chickening out... the best advice i have come up with is that everybody who can dance had to learn at some point.
  6. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    As a follower, I can tell you that we do miss leads and make mistakes and space out and we do it with all leaders good, bad or great. It's not always you. Get rid of that mentality because its ruining your enjoyment of dancing.

    When I do mess up, I smile, say oops, and keep going. Often times I will end up learning something new, in all cases I still have fun and benefit from the practice, and worse case scenario the song ends and that person thanks me and just doesn't ask me again. Oh well.
  7. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    I guess women have it hard too. And that explains why some women I dance with are too self-conscious. On my class yesterday, this woman said to me before we danced, "Sorry, but I'm a very bad dancer. So, I'm going to be a bad partner." I told her nicely not to worry about it and that we're all here to learn. Then she felt more at ease. And surprisingly, (while not perfect) she was one of the few women in the class that was able to follow my lead well. And she seemed to feel better afterward.
  8. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I've experienced this same thing when I started out. However, after lots of hardwork and determination, you will get better and then the same girls look at you in a different light. They forget about how bad you used to be and just want to enjoy how good you are now.

    I met one of my best female friends on the first week I started dancing. I remember her as dumping me in the middle of the song because I was so bad. She keeps a diary and on that night, it said she danced with several people and some Asian guy. I still tease her about that.
  9. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    What's funny with me is that I get mixed results. Like I said, there are a couple that stopped dancing completely for reasons I don't know and don't really care to figure out. There are some that get frustrated because they can't get the steps right. There are some women that are perfectly fine dancing with me because they know we're all there to learn. There are some that see that I'm learning well, so they're happy to dance with me. And there are some that are just happy to dance, period. So, it's weird how I get mixed results from different women.
  10. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    A couple of comments after reviewing how far along the thread has gone:

    It is common to say it is the man's fault if things go wrong, but it is not common to talk about what that means. The man's responsibility is to keep time, and to clearly and politely communicate what he would like the next movement to be, using his lead. Once he communicates, he has to observe what the lady does in response to his lead. If she doesn't do what he intended, he needs to adjust to what she actually did do. And yes, this is hard.

    Unless your follower gets hurt (Salsa provides many opportunities for shoulder injuries, among others), it is certainly rude for your partner to step away before the dance is done. My first reaction would be to find out if they got hurt if they walked away.

    I always apologize when things go wrong with a dance, whether or not I think it's my fault, and I always consider what I can do differently to make the dance with that follower work. And sometimes, there is nothing I can do. For example, if she gives me noodle arms when dancing latin. ;-)

    That being said, I have found Salsa to be a bit different than ballroom, in terms of people's behavior. Maybe because it's a nightclub dance, but Salsa dancers act more like night-clubbers than ballroom dancers.
  11. Amanda Coyle

    Amanda Coyle New Member

    wiseman such is life though. People will be different and situations will be different. Go with the flow as you take on this new adventure. You come off as a thoughtful and conscientious, so I think it will all work out for you. And I am excited for you as your enthusiasm for undertaking dance as a newbie is obvious!
  12. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I think you worry too much about the ladies in class. Concentrate on learning to dance first, and the rest will come.
  13. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Well, sure...we're all human beings and we're all different. Just go with the flow and try to smile. One of our studio's salsa instructors, a very cheerful guy by nature, always advises the guys to smile at their partners to put them at ease. But as a follower, I do it too. A warm, genuine smile usually does a lot to set the right tone for dancing with someone.
  14. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    I've actually almost never done privates. Just haven't had the money. I would only be able to afford one per month, and only then if I gave up group lessons completely. Any opinions?
  15. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    Group classes that focus on mechanics with a small number of students and one-on-one attention from the instructor are the best value and most cost effective.
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    i think it depends on one's goals...truly...and on who is teaching the group versus who would be teaching the private...
  17. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    Yep. :)
  18. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    But comparing apples to oranges is fun! There are definitely some group classes that are a better value than a private. It's all going to boil down to finding the best value for you from the options that you have available. If your choice is between a private lesson from me and a group lesson from Larinda, well, I think most would suggest taking the group from Larinda.
  19. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    I didn't mean it as an apples and oranges question...let's assume the exact same person, an excellent teacher, teaches both group classes and privates for the same style of dance. I only can afford either: a group class every week, or one private per month. Which would be your choice?
  20. kayak

    kayak Active Member

    Jenny, I think continuing with your group lesson plan is great. Part of getting better is just floor time working on basics. Four or eight group hours gets you a lot more floor reps than one hour unless that hour is really structured. Plus, I generally like the social aspect of the group lessons. Staying in the loop makes it easier to get dances when you go out on the weekends.

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