Parenting quandary(s) Need input

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by pygmalion, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. katherinejh

    katherinejh Member

    I got a job at 15 (which was when I was legally allowed to). All through high school, I could never manage a job past about November - that was when school always started hitting really hard with exams and projects, and I was on an all-honors/AP track. So I would quit in November and get another job in May. The thing is, those restrictions exist, but a lot of employers ignore them, and are you as a 15-year-old going to risk getting fired to stand up to your boss? I wasn't.
  2. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    When I had that feature on my account, I didn't keep track of my debits, since I knew I couldn't overdraw. If my card was declined, no problem. It might be why today I still don't keep track of my debits like I should, I didn't make that habit from the beginning.
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    trust me darlin' if you had the proper fear of your parent you would have kept track regardless...and if there were other consequences besides alowing you to get accustomed to bad credit, it may well have been a better way to learn how to cultivate goods habits
  4. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    a lot of the places that are good after school jobs don't actually care if students quit. put them where ever you need them on the schedule, if they don't want to work those hours, they can quit, and you can hire somebody else the next day, as it is a cake job plus you can start the new person at minimum wage. they will mess with your hours, in one direction or the other, to kind of make you want to quit so they don't have to give you raises over time. this is how my old job as a supermarket cashier was.
  5. musicchica86

    musicchica86 Active Member

    This. I happened to graduate college last year (May 2009) into the worst economy since the Depression. Did I desperately want to get a job in my field? Of course. Was I unwilling to work any other job? Uh, no. I worked retail for 4 months (until I couldn't stand it anymore) and became a caregiver for a handicapped woman for about 7 months before I found my full-time job 16 months after graduation. And guess what--while it's indirectly related to my degree, it's not in my field. And I'm overjoyed to have it.
  6. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    Pygmalion's laundry with a bar of soap & washboard. :cool:
  7. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    And that might be the way of things for the foreseeable future unless you're in a field that is growing with a high demand for workers.
  8. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Hard to predict what the demand is going to be sometimes but I feel like we can make educated guesses as to what is going to be needed. I know someone who went to school to be a pastry chef and as it turns out there isn't a terrible demand for that...
  9. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    When I was 12 my Dad walked me into the bank, opened up a savings account in my name and handed me the passbook. When I was 14 I had the two newspaper routes and started babysitting. At 16 I worked in the Popcorn shop at our mall, then added a restaurant and a record store by the time I was graduating high school. All the while keeping up with Art Club and in the Theatre performing.

    The only time in my life I did not work was my freshman year in college. By my sophomore year I was carrying one if not two jobs... dance studio, clothing store, telemarketing, adult day care.

    I was on and off honor roll continually through highschool and most of college, and luckily enough found my way to 3/4 tuition scholarship for the final three years of college.

    I still have the original bank account my Dad set up for me. I love that he empowered me to make my way and to respect hard work... of all kinds. The only thing he ever just "gave" me... was a working car to get to work.
  10. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    That was me, though I suppose, if you discount paid internships, I never had a 'real' job until I finished grad school, so 24? For a start, in high school that would have meant waiting until I was 16 and buying me a car, and THAT wasn't happening. (We could afford it. I just wasn't getting one. Which was all right, as, since I had always gotten things I REALLY wanted, like a horse or voice lessons or a new flute that was as nice was my cousin's I was borrowing, I never asked for a car, or stuff like gaming systems or TV for my room or a phone.) Plus I had flute and voice and dance lessons (character dance), and riding at least three or four times a week, literary magazine, orchestra, theater, mock trial team, Rotary Interact, 4-H...who had time? In college, job was go to college (plus I was in the middle of nowhere, so jobs were thin on the ground unless you qualified for work study.) And still no car (I got one when I was a college senior and almost all my friends with cars had graduated the year before.) Grad school I had internships, some paid, some not, and was too sick much of the time even for classes anyway. Didn't hurt my ability to hold four jobs at a time later.

    So if they have TIME for a job, it can be a good thing. Depends on what they'd be doing otherwise.
  11. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    Mum always paid us half of our allowance to the bank, and half to us directly...basically half to spend and half to save.

    When I got a job, she stopped paying me the "Spend" bit, but kept putting the "Save" in my bank account.

    Then again, when I got a job, she also started charging me 10% rent...
  12. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    love it
  13. ireniecat

    ireniecat New Member

    I never got allowance from my parents, but they paid for things I needed. They just considered it their parental responsibility. I got my first job my at 15 (jr. year high school) selling handbags at a department store at the mall. I just thought it was what you were supposed to do. In my head there was never an option of NOT getting a job. Shrug. My parents made me quit my senior year because of school (lots of AP classes).

    First year college I tutored kids in reading. The summer between first and second year I tutored incoming freshmen. At the start of my 2nd year, I got marketing assistant job that I kept until the start of my 4th year when I went to study abroad. After I came back, I worked as an assistant for my department's research team. But all of these jobs were only 15-20 hours a week, so I was still able to graduate in 4 years with 2 minors and a study abroad with a 3.9 GPA. Again, I thought that's what you're supposed to do. Not graduating in 4 years was a waste of money.

    I also lived at home and commuted to school (about 1.5 hours each way) for 1.5 of those years because I felt guilty that my parents were paying for my college (even though I was on 1/2 scholarship).

    Money was quite tight when I started, but then my dad's business started doing okay and my parents were in a good place by the end. Now my parents are very well off and they keep trying to buy me things. I refuse them and they get offended. Huh?

    If I have kids, they are not getting allowance. I guess I just don't understand the concept. And barring special circumstances (like super focused extra-curriculars), I will expect them to get a job when they are 14-16.
  14. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    This was my parents' attitude when I was in high school: I had a full-time job, and it was called getting good grades.

    Working while I was in high school (during the year) was not allowed, except for babysitting on the weekends. Nor did I have a car, nor could I really use my parents' car (nor did I have my license until my senior year anyway), nor was there anywhere within a couple miles to walk to (and walking on the road was strictly not allowed...and for good reason). Kinda sucked.

    My brother, OTOH, they encouraged to working during the school year because otherwise he was apt to get into (even more) trouble. And by that time they had the money to buy him a car.
  15. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    See, and that's the one part of Lioness's mom's plan that I strongly disagree with. A child doesn't ask to be brought into the world, and it is the parents' responsibility to provide food/shelter/clothing/love for a child. Not cool IMO to charge for something as basic as shelter.
  16. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I understand your point.
  17. musicchica86

    musicchica86 Active Member

    Agreed, especially when said child is still (basically) underage and can't really live on their own yet. It is your parental responsibility to provide shelter for your child until such time as they can support themselves. Don't like it? Don't reproduce. Harsh, maybe, but true.

    Don't get me started on my high school best friend whose mother kicked him out his senior year. She's not exactly mentally stable, and her reasoning? She's British, and parental responsibility there effectively ends at 16, so she thought she was doing him a favor keeping him around as long as she did, and when he pissed her off (for no apparent reason), she just locked him out of the house and called the cops when he tried to get in. :evil:
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    Hmm. Not sure how I feel about this, to be honest. I get your point. OTOH, I'm not sure it matters what label a parent puts on it, as long as the kid is required to take some financial responsibility.

    I can call it rent or I can call it pay for your own clothes or I can call it contribute toward buying a car.* Doesn't make much difference. It's the same money with different labels.

    Just like my allowance scheme for DS. Basically I took the same money I was already spending on DS, labeled it allowance, and made him get engaged in the decision making process. I could have called it "Mom pays for everything" since I do. But I labeled it allowance instead, and he's had seven-ish years of increasingly complex financial decision-making responsibility. Eh.




    *Incidentally, I'm not saying that the kid has to pay for his own car completely, but I do think that he'll value it more if he has to work for some of the money. I'll kick in the rest. He's gonna need a car. Nothing here is close and public transport is laughable at best.
  19. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    Well I am not sure her parents were doing anything other than trying to teach her some skills in accounting .... and accountability. Not that they should not reproduce because they could not take care of her.
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    I used to have a coworker who often said (sometimes in front of her child) that she could hardly wait until said child turned 18 so she could put the child out to live on her own. Yikes. I'm glad she's not my Mom.

    I do think that, at least in American culture, it's probably best to move out of your parents' house and live on your own at some point during young adulthood. But I think that any parent worth their salt knows that the time for a child to move out is NOT dependent on some chronological deadline. Different kids will be ready at different times. And it's entirely possible that no kid will be ready when her/his parent is ready for them to be ready. :lol:

Share This Page