General Dance Discussion > Pity, courtesy, or charity dances (spin-off from Obligatory Dances)

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Terpsichorean Clod, Oct 14, 2009.


Do you give out pity/courtesy/charity dances?

  1. Yes

    18 vote(s)
  2. No

    4 vote(s)
  1. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    We had some apparent differences in definitions on the Obligatory Dances thread. I decided to create this thread to distinguish pity/courtesy/charity dances from the other thread's "obligations" that one enjoys fulfilling.
  2. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    I do, but sometimes you find fun in them if you're open to it.
  3. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I can think of no courteous alternative to dancing a merengue with a stranger who asks earnestly for one.
  4. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I use the opportunity to converse with the person and get to know them more if the dancing aspect isn't as stimulating.
  5. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    What is the difference between and
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    am not sure how one draws the shades of nuance there...imagine we will probably end up debating it on both threads...personally, I just never look at it that way...perhaps b/c I am a follow...but I just take what comes my way and I don't classify the terms under which I said yes...the closest I come to this is simply that I will take care to ask someone that i see is new or whom I know is shy, but i wouldn't classify it as anything but being sensitive and socially alert
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    lol a hyphen
  8. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    I suspect certain people will find the term pity even more distasteful. :)
  9. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    no pity-courtesy-charity dances over here. again... just not something that enters my mind. i dance with newbs and poor dancers, and consider it in very poor taste to hold the idea in my mind while dancing with them that it is a pity-courtesy-charity dance. ick. maybe it's just different for leads, who see themselves so often as the askers? thing is... i ask newbs as well, and don't think of it this way.

    meh... if i am asked, i will dance and give it my best, the only adjustments being 1) when i'm with someone who may harm me, and then i usually modify my dancing to accommodate, and 2) when i'm with someone who's a little too over-eager on a level *other* than dancing. i will disengage energetically so as not to...encourage this.
  10. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    No here.

    At any social dancing situation, I prefer to value a lady's acquaintance more than her dancing skills.

    I look to dance with a person--who seems to be interesting--thus pity, courtesy, and charity do not come into play as I tend to dance with everyone anyway (newbs, wallflowers, and high-level dancers notwithstanding).

  11. Light Sleeper

    Light Sleeper New Member

    I echo your sentiments, Samina. I've never thought twice about dancing with newbies, and I often ask them too. It's in our interests to dance with new people and keep the lifeblood of the dancing community going. I don't see it as a duty. I once overheard two leaders talking and one of them said "Well, I'd better go and do my duty, then" (dancing with a particular follower). I was horrified.. it was more the way he said it more than anything else.

    However, I have danced with people and depending on what's going on, I may secretly desire that the song be over sooner rather than later, I'm not like some serene deity who doesn't have a negative thought ever! One leader nearly ricked my back with the way he used his arms in salsa.... there was nothing much I could do to try and avoid that... would be reluctant to dance with him again yet I have never refused anyone so far but if he asks me again I think I will have to for my back's sake.
  12. Slowly I Turn

    Slowly I Turn New Member

    How about a poll if one receives pity/courtesy/charity dances from others? :roll:
  13. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    Sure! Go ahead and start one. :)
  14. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    on that note, one thing i'm sensitive to is not imposing myself so that someone would feel about me as being pity-courtesy-charity dance, and this especially pertains to far more experienced dancers in an area where i am just beginning to learn.

    i tend to allow them to invite me to dance out of their generosity and desire for personal connection...and therefore, when we do connect, IME thus far it is favorable and -- i *hope* -- mutually enjoyable, probably more so because they aren't rolling their eyes secretly and wishing they were with the accomplished WCS dancer who was standing next to me...

    this would also be the case if i were surrounded by a bevy of wildly experienced standard & latin dancers but... as most of us know... there are few venues where that is the case. ;)
  15. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    I think the entire concept of pity/charity dances seems out of place in the ballroom scenes in which I participate ... where people dance for the sake of dance, rather than for other reasons.

    When I think of the concept, I think of the kind of event attended by "muggles" -- people who often see dancing primarily as part of the human mating ritual. I think of a guy saying, "I'll dance with her to be nice, even though I'm not the least bit interested in dating her."

    But in a scene where dating is not seen as a reason for dancing, the whole concept of charity dance doesn't seem to fit as well. In a scene where everyone is there to dance for the sake of dance, it seems it doesn't matter as much who the partner is.

    So, no, I don't think I invite any followers to dance out of pity, charity or courtesy. I ask because I want to dance, and it doesn't really matter with whom.

    I do, however, try to make sure I dance with as many different followers as possible (unless I'm with my LW, who always get the majority of the dances) and I do make special efforts to invite new followers.

    I like the way Fascination put it. Perhaps I'm being sensitive to the needs of other dancers. But for me it's never about pity, charity, etc.

    And BTW, if Fascination and I are ever at the same venue, you can bet she'd get more than one invite from me, just because I so rarely get to see her (living, as she does, on the other side of the state).
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    well IJ...I would travel halfway should a convenient time for you and lw to do likewise ever arise
  17. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    I'm gonna one of the few who says "yes" here. Now, I don't like the necessary names chosen, but for me that comes down to semantics. There have been times where I didn't enjoy dancing with that person for whatever reason, but I still said "yes" because I didn't want to be rude. I try to make the most of it, but sometimes it just happens. Unless they hurt me while dancing or are very creepy-slimey-ulterior-motives, I won't say no. That's how I was taught in Lindy before going to WCS.
  18. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Q: how much time do you actually spend conversing with such ladies?
  19. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Spans the gamut (from Hi-may-I-have-this-dance to full-blown-discussions-about-social-issues-and-All-Clad-cookware), as these things go.

  20. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    That's It. I'm officially toast, done, bowled over. Any man who can talk about All-Clad while dancing with me is the end, the ultimate, the best, forget everyone else.

    <fan self>
    <swoon again>

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