pygmalion's dating advice thread

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by pygmalion, Jun 11, 2010.

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  1. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    The time and energy you voluntarily contributed are laudable and I respect them.

    There is not, however, an equivalence relationship between flip commentary on religious choices, and time/energy contributed on behalf of someone.

    My request that you stop short of suggesting that abstinence is the "issue' to be solved here is IMV a very reasonable one that leaves plenty of room for nuanced discussion and falls far short of demanding the "walking on eggshells" straw man you offer here.
     
  2. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    You didn't simply point out a biological fact.

    You said this:

    I'm glad that you're clarifying *now* that you're not arguing against anyone's religious beliefs, which is what I was looking for. Thank you.
     
  3. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to discuss this beyond this post. My comment was to make a valid *non-religious* point, and that point was made with light-hearted intent, as Subliminal pointed out. The religious implications are not remotely something I wish to discuss. They are LC's personal business, and I have witnessed him be very comfortable discussing them, so I don't think he is need of protection on that account. If I've said something that inflamed your own beliefs...that was hardly my intent as my comment had nothing to do with you.

    That's my final word on this matter.
     
  4. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    There's so much about the current argument that's making me think "huh??" that I can't even begin.

    But I think some are confusing "practicing abstinence" with "practicing Christianity" and while sometimes they do overlap, they don't always. And I think if we made sure to keep the two separate, perhaps some wouldn't be getting as offended.
     
  5. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    spot on, wooh...as i associated "abstinence" with the (lack of a) biological function, not its religious meaning.

    on that note, i am done with subject...and with the day.
     
  6. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    What you meant in your heads (as clarified by each of you in follow-up posts), and what you actually typed *in your initial comments* are in fact not the same. I'm glad about that.

    The only part of this that was about me was the importance I placed on clarifying as much for participants and lurkers who read this thread.
     
  7. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Re cuddle party -

    LC, I don't think you want to go there. Mostly because it's not targeted at you. It's for people who see life as no-touch or all-in (sex). As a dancer, it's not your problem.

    As to sam's comment, as someone who remained celibate for cultural and religious reasons, and as someone who has spent inordinate number of hours learning about religion and society, I categorically take the stance that it's a counterproductive concept. It's illustrated by LC himself in so many ways. LC - I recommend that you have critical discussions about abstinence and X'ianity - I think there is a seminary near you and you'll find plenty of theologians to talk to and understand the basis for this tenet. Chances are very good that you'll discover this to be no more of a core precept than many others that are ignored routinely in the modern world with nobody frowning upon those, and that _culturally_, it's given more weight than is required by theology. Go after the fundamentals and discover for yourself that it's not a big deal, and free yourself of this restriction if you find that you needn't after all.
     
  8. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I need a girlfriend who is a hippie at heart, a yuppie on the outside, and a generally logical creature who won't expect me to partake in her existential crises (and better yet, who won't have them), and someone who is also intuitive. Bonus points if she can dance.

    Only problem is that I've no idea where to find one of them... :-/
     
  9. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    Who says I have no outlet? Everyone has an outlet available if need be...

    I may feel guilty or ashamed of it, but I take care of myself when I need to...probably just a few times a week now but multiple times a day in those darkest days of despair a few years ago. I've actually bought a couple sex toys; I figured while I'm single I might as well treat myself.
     
  10. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member


    What part of DL's rule #3 is unclear? :rolleyes:
     
  11. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    Nothing, but it had to be said because you guys are getting the wrong idea judging by the last couple pages of posts.

    And let me clarify something else...

    I think pygmalion is right in that if I just went ahead and tried to get laid that I'd probably regret it. Now I admit I've wavered on the idea of waiting until marriage but after talking to a fellow Christian about it a few years back and how he regrets not waiting my mind is now decided. As for what I can and can't do short of going all the way, well that's my decision come the time to make it and I'm not sure yet what I might or might not regret. All I know is that I have been specifically cautioned against casually having sex with someone because it can lead to strong feelings of attachment, especially the first time, regardless of whether one goes all the way or not...but with a girl I have genuine feelings for and her likewise I don't see it being too much of an issue and I think sex is a natural, beautiful thing that God wants us to enjoy and in a loving relationship one shouldn't be ashamed of exploring. Yes I realize that it could be playing with fire, but I think I've got pretty strong will power now to not cross the threshold. :neutral:

    P.S. I think I've said it before but the decision has actually been made irregardless of my religion...yes I came to make it through talking to another Christian, but it's the idea of what is important to me and what I deem special that really influences the decision to wait to give myself completely.
     
  12. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    You mean, your ego and urge to give us the "right" idea about your sex life is far more important that actually listening to our collective advice and honor our wishes that we don't want to hear anymore about it?

    When you are just talking like a child and persisting in that, you'll find that some folks would continue batting for you, and engaging with you. But when you decide to commit a knowing act of disrespect, you'll lose friends. In my opinion, you ought to delete your last comment, retract it, and completely desist from talking about sex (re yourself, or any other discussion at all on DF) for at least several months - no matter what reasons you might feel like you have for doing otherwise.
     
  13. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    Oh nos! I do declare! I almost didn't know about the tube sock using habits of a random guy on the internet!!! Oh the horror!!!!! What if it wasn't clear????????????
     
  14. FleurDLP

    FleurDLP New Member

    I'd post the coffee drinking gif if it wasn't for the new registrant restrictions.

    (h)ttp://forums.s2kca.(c)om/images/smilies/coffee2.gif
     
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    What is it about this thread that attracts train wreck after train wreck?

    Re: Celibacy.

    One. Abstinence is a personal choice that can be made for any number of reasons. Religious choice is one. There are many, many other possible motivators. I think it's a mistake to assume causation.

    IMV, the fact that someone is celibate and professes Christianity does not necessarily mean that the person is celibate because they're Christian, particularly if there are other indicators that the person in question lacks clarity about their life choices in other areas.

    I think it's easy to project my feelings, choices, etc onto someone else and then defend that person to the death when, in fact, it's myself I'm defending. Easy to do that, in a forum like this. I do it myself all the time. It's my choice to do that, and, most of the time, I realize that's what I'm doing and choose to do it anyway. I would hate to see someone here that I care about do the same thing unaware. Choose to defend,certainly, but be sure you know what/whom you're defending.

    There's every possibility that someone who claims to be abstinent in God's name is exactly what they say they are. Or they might be a troll, playing head games to incite riot in a rival forum. They might be in serious need of therapy but choosing to vent online instead of getting real, needed help. They might just be a horny guy, locked in their room, and hiding behind "religiously" inspired celibacy in order to avoid admitting they just can't get any, despite repeated attempts to do so. Or they might want sex, but be afraid to ask. Or a billion other scenarios.

    In the case of this particular train wreck, I would probably stick with talking about ideas, rather than personalities.
     
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    Hmm. :raisebro: I ask no questions. Disclose what or whenever you want. Good luck. :-D
     
  17. clumsy fellow

    clumsy fellow Active Member


    Well . . .
     
  18. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    No, it didn't.

    That argument was *not* just about you.
     
  19. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I adore you, DL. Not sure when that happened, but it did. *hugs*
     
  20. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    FWIW, shooting range dates don't make good first (coupla) dates, unless you specifically build some time in at another venue, like a bar or coffee shop afterward.
     
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