Dancers Anonymous > pygmalion's dating advice thread

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by pygmalion, Jun 11, 2010.

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  1. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    Well that's never been the intent so I stand by what I said.

    Anyways, thank you to everyone who has put time/effort into helping (even if it seems I haven't been very receptive I sincerely appreciate it) and hopefully some good will come out of it. Maybe I'll return when I've got a girl and need advice on the next step to take or date ideas or whatev. :p

  2. FleurDLP

    FleurDLP New Member

    Making new friends everyday eh LC? Really should have stuck with your old ones, we do awfully miss you and your shenanigans.
  3. JudeMorrigan

    JudeMorrigan Well-Known Member

    My old dance partner took trapeze lessons when she moved to Boston and positively adored it. If it's the sort of thing that sounds even vaguely appealing to you, I say give it a shot. :)
  4. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I think part of what's missing is that you do not seem to have a good sense of what is appropriate to talk about explicitly, what should only be alluded to obliquely, and what should remain private altogether.

    There are many people, particularly on the internet, that say they value "honesty", "openness", "candidness", what have you. Some of these same people are the sort that go on about it being OK to be rude, that someone has to "earn" their respect. And to be honest, current American popular culture promotes that point of view. Taking care not to offend is considered to be too "politically correct".

    And so we have rudeness masquerading as honesty, and ignorance pretending to be forthrightness.

    Rules of civility don't exist simply to constrict us. Everybody had different things they are sensitive about. Considerate==taking a person's feelings, wants, and needs, into consideration when acting. That means actually taking time to think how something we say or do might make the other person feel. That's why some topics, like the weather, are considered safe, and others require building a better knowledge of how the other person experiences the world.

    Fortunately, most DFers are a civil, considerate bunch.

    Another point about TMI. LCB, if you haven't taking an expository writing course, you really should think about taking one. Believe, engineers need it as much as humanities majors. If you've already taken one, please consider the lessons learned. Vomiting up all the bits and pieces you've been picking up off videos and websites undigested does nothing to get a coherent point across, and does plenty to put people off. Not to mention unsolicited, very personal, details.

    Especially, don't use any of that stuff to justify yourself. We are not a court. We are not your parent or employer. There is no point in defending yourself here. And justifying yourself here will certainly not get you any closer to your goal, or being fully functional socially.

    As part of my growing up process, I stopped defending myself, and I stopped justifying myself. Any time I felt the urge to do this, it became a time for introspection to find out why I felt that urge. Sometimes, I found I was protecting a sensitive part of myself that needed to be dealt with. Sometimes I found I was trying to rationalize a feeling. And if I didn't understand that feeling, I did everything I could to understand it.

    Granted, I've taken it so far now that it makes some confrontations very weird. :eek:
  5. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    :applause: for the eloquence

  6. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    Well, now that my stalker has arrived it's definitely a good time to leave!
  7. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

  8. FleurDLP

    FleurDLP New Member

    I guess I would be doing these very patient members a favor with your departure considering how much time and effort you've wasted of theirs with your fawning and woes with me talk. If you want to talk to someone, just talk, but don't confuse what you are discussing here with making strides at being a more whole and complete person. One could only admire what you think is a breadth of intelligence on a subject for so long. All they can end up seeing is that is only thin slice of what they find interesting while you make it out to be the entire pie. I think you're 400+ posts on the subject should be enough.
  9. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    I am in no way, shape or form a prude, and even I rarely get explicit here.
  10. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    Alter ego. :rolleyes:
  11. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    that's because women are better at mind-games than men ;-)
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Say what you will about the truly annoying turn this thread has taken recently. Over the past coupls of weeks, I have learned so, so many positive things about some of my fellow DFers. I appreciate so much your kindness, your wisdom, your willingness to reach out and share, your level-headedness, your patience, your candor. The list of admirable qualities goes on and on. I would list the people I appreciate but I'd probably end up leaving someone off.

    So let me just give a blanket thank you to all of you. It's been trying at times, but I have learned a lot from so many of you.

    Thanks! :)
  13. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    This sort of comment doesn't seem helpful to anybody, IMV.
  14. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    I agree.
  15. latingal

    latingal Well-Known Member

    This is not a a section of the site that I normally moderate, but it has filtered down to the rest of us mods that many of our regular contributing members have been concerned with the tone of discussions going on here. I have not had time to read this thread so cannot speak to individuals or specific posts...but I will say that we are a good community that respects people's opinions and stays away from provocative language that does not promote intelligent discussion of our chosen subjects.

    We would like to continue on that way, and I would appreciate everybody being thoughtful as to how we continue forward. Thank you.
  16. FleurDLP

    FleurDLP New Member

    Fine. No more helpful than this one
    I don't care if I get banned, just to catch up with what my friend was doing. If you ban me and him if you believe the alterego thing by wonderwoman, then I'm sure everyone will be quite happy. However if everyone seems to be wanting every post to be useful advice, I might as well give it.

    LC, no one's going to live your life for you. You can ask for suggestions all you want, but people's sympathy for your situation is not a replacement or even a healthy substitute for a real relationship. You want validation? How about your own experience as validation rather than someone else's opinion or theory of what may or may not happen? You're engaged in a low emotional risk discussion with these people over the net rather than a (perceived) higher emotional risk with someone in real life.

    Don't overanalyze the paths to happiness, just be happy man.
  17. latingal

    latingal Well-Known Member

    FleurDLP, you are new to our site, yes? And it sounds like you've perhaps had some interactions with LC prior to the discussions here. We ask that our forums do not become a vehicle for further discussions of longer term issues between the two of you.
  18. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

  19. LCbaseball22

    LCbaseball22 Member

    I'm sorry but I have to reply to this...

    Friend?! BAHAHAHA...the day I consider you a "friend" hell has frozen over. :evil: Now seriously, what are you doing here Fluer? Do you even dance?
  20. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    Take it somewhere else.
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