Say "No" when you don't like

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by dlgodud, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member

    I just want to ask your opinons because most of members here are veterans in ballroom dancing.

    This year I've decided to compete as pro-am and we started to make routines. The problem is that sometimes my instructor pushs me to do something that I don't like. I am very clear what I like about something or not. So steps or moves that I don't like, but he pursues me to do that, I lose my interest. Until now I clearly said " no" in these situations. But, I am just wondering if I am too strong to take my instructors opinon and look like nagging all the time. And also is this behavior insulting my instructor?

    Can anyone share your experience if you have like this please?:p
     
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    it would never occur to me to argue with my pro on issues related to dance...I simply don't feel qualified to do so... but every situation is different...(btw, i have no qualms regarding arguing about anything else;))
     
  3. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    hmmm...my pro knows that corta jacas are generally on the "do not throw in" list. If I really don't like something, or don't think it looks good on me when I do it, he'll usually agree to let it go or modify. If I ask for it to be removed because I'm having trouble doing it properly, it's almost always a "no". But I'm lucky to work with someone who takes my input into consideration. Of course, we also rely on outside coaches to look at us together and give opinions on what looks good and what doesn't.

    Having said all that, you're the customer, so if you don't really like something, I don't think you should be forced to do it. I'd pick my battles though.
     
  4. BasicsFirst

    BasicsFirst New Member

    I'm with 'digodud'.

    And "D" and I are not arguing any sort of execution or quality of dance issues. We're simply stating we don't like a step. For e.g. WAY back in Silver Latin, my DP and I told our Latin instructor up front (concerning developing a Samba routine), "give us ANYTHING you like... just NO Corte Jaca". We both hated that step and how it looked just about regardless of who did it. It would come up only once in a while after that (and I'm not even positive if with the same teacher), but we stood our ground... "no Corte Jaca".

    Now in our case it was two against one, myself AND my DP and our reason was always that we didn't like how the step looked (not that it was going to be too difficult to learn or something). Yours sounds like just you and your Pro which may be less convincing to him. Perhaps you have to state why (if you haven't been doing so). But I'm with you on this one (and I don't think it's insulting either).
     
  5. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    lmao! Anyone for corte jacas?
     
  6. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    I don't argue dance things with pro, as fasc said, but I will disagree on styling choices, choreography, etc. Course, even then, I'll generally give in if she pushes. But last comp, think I came up with all the smooth "routines" myself. Course, taht just meant putting together long and short wall, but that's not the point. :)
     
  7. BasicsFirst

    BasicsFirst New Member

    WOW, mamboqueen and I were typing responses simultaneously and BOTH hate the aforesaid step. Hey, MQ if I ever need a partner I know where to look, heh-heh. Seems we're on the same page.
     
  8. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    I think if we get enough votes, we should just impeach the step ;)
     
  9. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    Could you add what level you are dancing at? If its schollarship then I agree with you but if its pre-bronze I would say grin and bear it (with everything else in between). The reason of course is that steps can always be changed in open but at the entry syllabus levels you could prevent your pro from actually traversing the floor ;)
     
  10. jivechica

    jivechica Member

    Having watched way too many dance videos I'm (unfortunately for my partner) extremely picky with choreography and can definitely relate to your problem. As mamboqueen said, it's really important to distinguish whether you don't like it because you don't think it looks good, or because you haven't learned how to do it properly yet. If I don't know how to execute correctly, my pro will not take it out of the routine but if I say that I just don't think it looks good, they take my opinion into consideration. I would suggest to give it a chance first. You may not like something initially but after some practice you might change your mind. If after a while you still don't like it, I would talk to the pro and maybe suggest some steps you've seen that you would prefer to do instead.

    Maybe some pro's have some input on what to do in these situations because I'd definitely like to know :)
     
  11. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    Re you referring to Open or Syllabus routines. If it is syllabus, you just gotta do it. Whatever it is is something that is in the syllabus for a reason. You will move on to other syllabus routines eventually anyway.

    If it is Open I still say just do it. Things don't feel good in the beginning no matter what. It takes time to deveope the skill set to make something comfortable and look good.
     
  12. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    It never occurred to me to argue with my teacher about dance-related matters. The furthest I'd go is nix the music choice for a showcase (for example, I'd feel weird dancing to a tango song which is also my ringtone, so I suggested a different song).
     
  13. Laura

    Laura New Member

    I abstain from arguing with my teachers about anything, or rejecting things they want me to do. If I really hate something I'll mention it, but I also look at it as a "taking my medicine...learning and expanding my horizons" kind of experience and just do my best to do it and get over it (and myself).

    I put myself in my teachers' and coaches' hands, I trust them all completely.
     
  14. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    About the only way I would REALLY argue to remove a step from a routine is if either I were genuinely convinced that I would humiliate myself doing it (and I don't think they're going to ask me to do anything embarassing) or if I were in a truly significant amout of physical pain, as in body is sending signals "STOP THIS NOW OR YOU WILL BREAK SOMETHING." Whether I LIKE a step (or a dance) has nothing to do with it.
     
  15. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    just to be clear, I don't argue. I whine.
     
  16. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member


    Me too.
     
  17. Bella

    Bella New Member

    Well, I don't agrue about my open choreography. However, I still voice my opinion - "Can we make the rumba more romantic? Cha more playful?" But if it's a specific move, I hesitate saying anything. One of my friends who's competing pro/am said that every part he didn't like or didn't feel right, he messed up during competitions. Sometimes, if you pitch in a little "I love the slidding doors", or "can I do this instead?" maybe talk in little circles to avoid conflict. My pro and I finished up our rumba routine and I was able to have some input in it! :) Good luck!
     
  18. etp777

    etp777 Active Member


    This one I can definitely identify with. Chacha routine I did at last comp had one pattern that I have never been comfortable with, and really don't like. But since we had originallly planned to do syllabus steps 3-5 (level I was competing at), in all dances, I put it in.

    Messed it up probalby 75% of time in first few heats though, so when FP and I were getting ready to go out there again, I told her i was dropping that step and doing something else. other step went much better and took first in that heat, so definitely good reason to do what you're comfortable with (while spending all the time between competitions improving/becoming more comfrotable with those same steps).
     
  19. Warren J. Dew

    Warren J. Dew Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's insulting. The real question is, when it's crunch time on the competition floor, is your instructor going to remember not to do that figure with you, or will he lead it anyway? It's not always easy keeping the preferences of a whole bunch of students straight.
     
  20. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member

    To answer your question, it's open level. Yes, I used to grin and bear whatever my teacher did.

    I guess I also watched too many Youtube video and it kind of spoiled me a lot.
     

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