Ballroom Dance > Social Dancing: Why So Critical?

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by MintyMe, Apr 1, 2014.

  1. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I agree, Partner Dancer. I didn't really intend to support the statement that a lot of people quit because of it, just that it's a problem. One of my students did tell me that a woman he worked with came once, had that kind of experience, and never came back because of it. My response is, "Why let one person ruin something you want to do? There are people like this everywhere, not just in dance. Shrug it off, complain about it to your friends, but keep dancing."
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2014
    Larinda McRaven likes this.
  2. Partner Dancer

    Partner Dancer Well-Known Member

    Human nature at it is, we resent being (verbally) told what to do, especially by strangers, far more than being physically manipulated/mangled by partners, probably because we can tell instinctively that the verbiage is offensive but don't have any basis to figure out if the physical manipulation is detrimental or not.

    I personally think leaders who throw around, dip, lift, etc., newbies/strangers to be far more of a problem than those that teach on the floor, mostly because of potential physical (as opposed to emotional) injury. And plenty of experienced leaders (including instructors) do this because they think themselves cool.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2014
    Loki and twnkltoz like this.
  3. MintyMe

    MintyMe Member

    Yes, quite distinctive. Some social dances will offer a lesson prior to open dancing, but this particular dance does not. It's strictly social.
  4. MintyMe

    MintyMe Member

    I appreciate all the replies and insight. Thank you everyone! Very interesting threads related to other dances as well.
  5. Dr Dance

    Dr Dance Well-Known Member

    I respectfully disagree. Sometimes, "confronting him" is the preferred choice. I believe that this was one of them.

    MintyMe, you need not get angry or snarky when you confront. All you needed to do was let him know that criticizing your dancing at the time was not acceptable to you. This is called "sticking up for yourself."
  6. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    It wouldn't be rude at all to decline. Dancing is a choice, not an obligation. Certainly don't feel constrained to sit out the dance after declining him.
    leee, chomsky, MintyMe and 2 others like this.
  7. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    A Foot in his mouth ?:oops:..My guess , hes from " jerks are us "..
    cornutt likes this.
  8. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    As most of us pros would agree, we do NOT give advice, during a social dance ( even if asked for ) .
    chomsky and danceronice like this.
  9. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    It derives from a much older saying.. " Those that cant teach, teach steps " .
    IndyLady likes this.
  10. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Ok, I only asked so because there are a lot of hybrid forms around. That specific guy could have misunderstood the format because he was new.
  11. Dr Dance

    Dr Dance Well-Known Member

    I absolutely concur. "Most" pros worth their salt would not criticize during a social dance.

    HOWEVER, there does exist a breed of fledgling teachers who WILL do this. They are "trolling" for new students. The criticism often ends with a sales pitch.

    "I could help you improve your skills if you would sign up for private lessons."

    But even THOSE people are usually not "caustic." They'll mix in a little faint praise to help grease your palms. Yet occasionally, a misguided newbie teach does lay it on a bit unpleasantly thick.

    Let the buyer beware.
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2014
  12. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Moreover, in a real lesson a teacher usually would not proceed to enumerate thing after thing after thing a student is doing wrong and needs to improve. Of course, a beginner has a lot to work on, and it is not possible to learn and correct it all at once.
    Also, instructors usually notice and point out the stuff the students are doing right. ;)
  13. mindputtee

    mindputtee Well-Known Member

    When and why did it become rude to not accept every single dance offered to you?
  14. Loki

    Loki Well-Known Member

    Sometimes people need to be an "expert" for whatever reason. My usual response is to thank them and ignore their advice unless it seems valid. After that, I simply don't engage with them again.
  15. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    I said it *can* be considered rude, not that it always is. Depends on the venue/context. And especially if you decline, but then immediately accept an offer from a different gentleman for the same song - you are definitely sending a message to gentleman #1, intentionally or not - there are other threads around here where that is discussed.
    danceronice and Dr Dance like this.
  16. Dr Dance

    Dr Dance Well-Known Member

    This reminds me of one of my former teachers who liked to "shotgun" everything that I needed to learn at the time all at once. Her theory was that I could "take what I can" from her myriad volumes of criticism. However, I only ended up overwhelmed and confused. No names, please? :)
  17. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Exactly. Even in a case it is welcome, that kind of feedback usually is not particularly useful.
  18. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    That seems like a good thing to me. :D
  19. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    The delivery also has a lot to do with it. If the man says, "I've noticed you do such and such. Have you tried such and such instead?" or "is there something I'm doing that's causing you to step that way?" less effective are statements like "none of you girls will do a molinette to the right" or "you're not supposed to put your foot down there. I was keeping your center over your other foot." Well excuse the crap out of me.
  20. Hedwaite

    Hedwaite Well-Known Member

    I had one of those teachers, too. NOTHING "stuck", inevitably, and we switched. Every teacher has something different for better or worse than another, but the one we're with now is a great all-around package for us.
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2014

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