General Dance Discussion > Taking Ballroom to the Bedroom

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by rbazsz, Oct 20, 2011.

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  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hi tsb! Long time, no "see."

    Oddly, I don't think this is tacad. I read tacad as a politically-incorrect, sometimes unintentionally ham-fisted guy who loved women and wasn't sure where or how to draw the line in the dance world.

    IMHO, it doesn't look like rbazsz loves women. I would venture to guess he doesn't even like women, personally. Right now, it looks like he wants to use women as objects and is wondering why women don't line up to be used.

    Either that, or he just loves the attention that comes from starting an outrageous thread from time to time. Who knows? *shrug*
  2. kckc

    kckc Active Member

    After 17 pages of responses, I can't believe you are still surprised. If you truly believe "it seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to ask", then you have your answer right there. Obviously most of the people replying don't believe "it seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to ask" and never will. Don't know how much clearer it could be.
  3. clumsy fellow

    clumsy fellow Active Member

    I would be asking for a refund . . .

    The answer that you seek has more to do with the 'man in the glass' than the woman in the studio, as pointed out by many.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    so glad you are posting more often...I appreciate your outlook
  5. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

  6. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    it might be an advanced form of foreplay when you are with someone with whom the boundaries have been mutually aligned in the direction of sexual connection, but in ballroom it is predominantly play... it is pretend... it is not real and it is not sexual. in most cases, even when a 3-minute dance is steamy, it's PLAY.

    from your comments, i am gathering that this boundary is not so clear in your mind when you attend ballroom events. in which case, you might be felt as strongly off-putting by those women who are going just to dance. i know i can feel it in the men who come in with similarly unclear boundaries around their sexual energy or intentions.
  7. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    It may be true at high school dances, and to be honest, these days, it's not very advanced there. It's painful to watch school administration come out with rules about what is not allowed without actually coming out and saying "no simulated sex".
  8. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    It may be "pretend" in ballroom competitions or showcases. I don't know. However, in ballroom classes, much of it is real. At the studio, I go to the great majority of the students are single-and a whole lot of flirting, touching and I believe interest and arousal between the opposite sex goes on. Those students are eyeing each interested or not interested. They definitely are looking and interested in social interaction and establishing relationships. Learning dancing for many, if not most of them is secondary to meeting people and establishing relationships which in my opinion is fine and understandable.
  9. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    That would be interesting. Some weeks ago I had to admit openly, that I haven´t got the foggiest idea of how dating works in the BR world:

  10. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    the coming together of the sexes is bound to have its titillations. thank goodness for that...

    it may be so in your experience. it's just not in mine...titillations aside. :)
    but it's encouraging to hear of a dynamic relationship-oriented group. jane austen would heartily approve, am sure.

    this is reminding me of the numerous discussions we've had here about "why men don't dance", and the suggestions (originally made by max, IIRC) that perhaps there would be more men dancing if dancing became part of the recognized courtship process in our culture.

    i want to say that's different from "why don't women invite me to their bed after socials?", but if courtship these days happens at warp speed & lacks accounting for romance, maybe it's not.
  11. dancerdol

    dancerdol Member

    This has been a fascinating thread to read. In the past few years from my little window on the ballroom world I've seen that there is a BIG difference between the romantic inclination of folks at an Events and Adventures single night group class at the studio, serious competitive students, and a few louche lotharios who hang around socials or group classes hoping to hook up with a pretty girl. I honestly couldn't imagine dating someone from the studio - as it is - when I'm in training - a guy would have to throw himself on the hood of my Jeep for me to notice his interest.
  12. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    great image
  13. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    Rbazsz, you may want to ask your private lesson teacher, if all those private lessons may be hurting your chances in the bedroom. The overwhelming majority of students do not take private lessons at the studio, I go to-much less spend thousands of dollars on those private lessons. Most take group classes and go the parties. I have heard some of the women students saying this about some of the men taking private lessons-if the men are single. He is just taking private lessons-hoping he can get a woman. The big majority of the students at this studio are from about 24 to 35 years of age-if that makes a difference. I don't know. Let us know what your teacher says. :)
  14. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member


    There is none more blind, than one who REFUSES to see.

  15. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    The thing that I find puzzling is the expectation that ladies would ask such a thing. I mean, as one sage put it "if more young men learned to dance the bolero, there would be fewer old bachelors". When you get the right signals, if that's what you're after, you take the next steps. None of my encounters, including those that started on the dance floor, ever had an explicit reference to that which I'm explicitly not naming now. ;-)
  16. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Where is all of this going on? I must be clueless. One guy dropped some hints, I think, but he wasn't my type, so that was that - and it would have been for dating, not a hookup anyway (thankfully). No one's ever asked me out directly.
  17. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    It strikes me as odd... unless all of these people are married and I'm guessing some of them are single, it's strange that they are only interested in dancing with one another in the studio, and not in going out and doing anything different.. It seems a bit anti-social.
  18. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    Why is it any different than meeting someone at the office or in the line at Starbucks? Most people go to ballroom socials to dance first and foremost, just like you go to work or out for coffee to go to work or get coffee first and foremost. You might meet someone, you might not. But you're there primarily for another purpose. People at a dance studio are presumably primarily there to dance.

    And as far as going out and doing something different, socializing in non-dance settings was pretty normal at my studio in Boston--and there were plenty of married people there. That was SOCIALIZING. Drinks, music, food, talking to people, that kind of thing. People were doing fun things and, again, not a meat market. Current studio, not really done as much but we have things like a cookout and hay ride at a county park last weekend--again, amazingly, lots of people, married or otherwise, hanging out, doing non-dancing things, and not fixating on hooking up. I'm sure in both places there have been couples who've met via dancing, but they didn't come there hunting for sex partners.

    Really, if easy sex is what you're looking for, ballroom socials are probably going to be very disappointing. Bars and hotels (or hotel bars) are probably a better bet.
  19. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I don't know if there was any hooking up going on at the ballrooms I've been to, since that's not the sort of thing that anyone but the participants should be aware of. I did see some relationships form, but no more than I saw at work, for example, and substantially less than I saw in college and grad school.
  20. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Anywhere I've been dancing that's what people are there for; not to meet a potential partner. Those few who do don't stay around for long. There is some pairing off, but the ballroom and swing dances are not meat markets like the bars and singles dances.
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