Taking Ballroom to the Bedroom

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by rbazsz, Oct 20, 2011.

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  1. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    Rbazsz, I can only speculate, but it could be that in part, with all due respect that you have answered the question yourself. You stated in prior posts words to the effect that your wife ex wife now, stated that you have more shoes than she does, and that she would not help you with your ballet shoes. Maybe, that is in part why the women at the studios are not more forward with you. Maybe those types of women want more manly acting type men. ;)
     
  2. Kipling

    Kipling New Member

    Speak for yourself, not for me. I'm satisfied with a smile.
     
  3. clumsy fellow

    clumsy fellow Active Member

    . . . they think you are gay.

    The demographics in a studio are different than a nightclub. As Wonderwoman suggested, take her salsa dancing.
     
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    for one thing, women aren't socialized that it is okay for them to stroll around asking causal acquaintances for sex...heck, you usually only see it in creepy drunk guys or folks with some personality issues...so the answer could be A) because they are normal women..B).beyond that, none of us knows you in person to speculate... but since no other man is telling tales of landing offers left and right at dance studios, I am not sure why you should be any different...but that fact alone, that you even think it ought to work that way, is enough to scare the daylights out of me...and would make me not want to dance with you if I knew about it let alone anything else...so thank your lucky stars that these ladies don't know what you are thinking because not only wouldn't they be in your bed, but they'd no longer be much interested in dancing with you
     
  5. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    same sentiment over here. it's one thing to have feelings of appreciation of the charms of one's partner in the course of dancing, but quite another to so readily confuse dancing with sexuality.

    if the OP is attending ballroom socials, i would say the primary reason he isn't being invited to the bed of his dance partners is because the ladies are going there to dance, not troll for partners.

    for my part, encountering someone who confuses the two is...hardly attractive, to put it gently.
     
  6. CANI

    CANI Active Member

    Most of the reasons I had in mind aren't limited to women at dance studios, but the one that is has been touched on by a few (perhaps wooh and samina, I think)...and that is some women in dance studios making a decision, for the love of dance and the enjoyment an evening of dancing brings and all the good things learning to dance brings in one's life, to not mix dancing with dating, for the potential drama it might entail (in the same way that some women decide not to mix dating with their place of work). There is something very special about having a place where people are doing what they love (dancing), are generally in good spirits and enjoying themselves, and having lots of laughing and comraderie and friendship and kind words and lots of hellos, how are you, and hugs and all the good feelings that come along with that.
     
  7. JudeMorrigan

    JudeMorrigan Well-Known Member

    No, we really aren't. Now, sure, I'll admit that the reason I tried dancing in the first place was that I wanted to get out of my house and put myself in a situation where I might meet someone. I think that's pretty common for guys. But even so far as that went, I was looking for a relationship, not for someone to invite me back to her place to have sex.

    These days though, I go social dancing pretty much entirely for the dancing and to catch up with friends. I think that's also pretty common for guys who take up dancing and keep at it for any real length of time.

    Also:

    Heh, maybe *that's* your problem. People DO talk.
     
  8. bia

    bia Well-Known Member

    To the degree that you are actually confused, this may be part of the problem. While there are some additional cultural conventions at play in the dance world that dancers learn as they become socialized into that environment, the dance world is nevertheless part of the real world, and the real world is the source of people's sexual mores. If your behaviors do not lead to your being propositioned in daily life, there's no reason why the dance studio should be any different. To the degree that salsa clubs may be different than dance studios in this regard, that difference has to do with the interaction of late nights, alcohol, and younger people rather than anything to do with dancing. And even then, there's only a small subset of drunk late-night people doing the hooking-up thing. Ultimately, if you use what you've learned in your life about people and social interaction (assuming that you have in fact learned anything) and apply that to dancers, you're likely to understand what's going on a whole lot better than if you assume that women who dance are a different species than women who don't.
     
  9. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    If you haven't seen any answers that make sense, that just means you aren't prepared to accept what you've read.

    Seriously now, have you been in any context where the ladies commonly initiate sexual encounters? Not just dancing. Anywhere?

    If there is a possibility of rejection, overwhelming it is the man's job to take that risk in pretty much all cultures that I am aware of.

    If women take that chance in asking men to dance, it is only because the etiquette of social dance significantly mitigates the pain of rejection.

    This is not to say that a women cannot initiate things, but it happens so infrequently as to prove to rule.
     
  10. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Rbazsz, I'll just say that I don't think you are going to find any ladies like that at these dances.
     
  11. bluebereft

    bluebereft Member

    women don't ask. you make it happen.
     
  12. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    Great minds think alike ! ?
     
  13. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    How about on the pedestrian bridge between New York New York and Excalibur in Las Vegas late at night? (Well, ok, maybe not "commonly".)
     
  14. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    I agree.
     
  15. kckc

    kckc Active Member

    amen sister!
     
  16. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I don't like this generalization. We're big girls, if we want something that we think you're offering, we may ask. We may not, it's really completely up to us. A man can not 'make it happen' just like that. He can ask, but that's it. The decision is ours, regardless of whether the man asks first.
     
  17. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    To be precise, the decision is mutual.
     
  18. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    Yes. Society does teach us that its backward for a woman to be interested primarily in sex, and that there's something wrong with making advances towards men in that way. Just because it's common, doesn't make it what's normal. It's just a belief, and I don't think it resembles reality at all. It would be creepy to pursue someone who'd shown a lack of interest, yes, but it would be ignorant to assume that because a woman is a woman, she has no sex drive. I know you didn't say anything about lacking a sex drive.. but I don't know where one draws the line of what's acceptable for women.. If you're a man, it's common sense that you want sex first and foremost all the time.. but for a woman? You should pretend sex is the farthest thing from your mind, doling it out sparingly and with utmost caution.. Not all women live by those standards. For all we know, there is a female equivalent of this guy attending the same studio, they just don't attract one another, or maybe they have. I don't know. That would be fine, I just don't think its fair to say normal women aren't out trying to get laid.
     
  19. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Active Member

    I'm speaking in terms of a man, like OP, who has already spotted a particular woman and decided he wants to have sex with her. at that point, he can ask or wait to be asked. When he asks, the decision is hers. He can be passive and wait for her to ask or not ask, and that decision is hers.
     
  20. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Fair enough.
     
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