General Dance Discussion > Taking Ballroom to the Bedroom

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by rbazsz, Oct 20, 2011.

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  1. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    I do believe that this commonly held belief has been discredited by fairly recent, and fairly rigorous, research.
  2. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    That stereotype is just as false as the one you're trying to debunk.
  3. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    I should have used a different wording.. it is commonly taken for granted that men want sex, and its seen as out of the ordinary if they don't, in just the same way it's viewed as out of the ordinary if women want sex.
  4. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    I agree with your post. Also, you have made some interesting points that I had not thought of. I had not thought of some women being interested in sex like some men may be. I am also now wondering if dancing is or may be an aphrodisiac for many students in both sexes.
  5. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    that's all well and good, but i think ballroom is more about the joy of connection, communication & varied forms of movement on the dance floor than the overt sexual assertiveness that might occur in other dance venues (yes, like at a late-night salsa club...).

    and if there is more ellicited between the sexes in the course of attending socials, it is more likely to be about romance than sexual predation... on the part of either sex.

    the idea that either sex would be puzzled by general lack of bedding after ballroom socials still strikes me as utterly bizarre.
  6. CANI

    CANI Active Member

    I agree with bia's point that I think that this is just about the real world -- in all the myriad of ways things play out in the real world -- and I don't think there is really anything special or unique here about the ballroom world or the salsa is the real all its various forms...

    some people (men and women) will choose to have sex with people they have just met...some people (men and women) won't...some people (men and women) will wait until engagement or marriage before having sex...some people (men and women) won't...and all the other possible variations in the world...
  7. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    I want to say the instinct is present regardless.. I feel like ballroom dancing is intimate and romantic, and conjures those feelings in me, and they progress naturally in that direction, sometimes.. more so with salsa in a nightclub, than ballroom in a studio, sure.. If I take a beginner class in a dance I don't know, 99% of my mind is focused on trying to figure this out, but a tiny part will still automatically evaluate the attractiveness of the other people in the class, partly to give myself a self-esteem boost and partly because I'm single and I dance to meet people.
  8. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i agree that anything might happen in any situation...the real world being what it is, you might in fact meet someone at the local shoprite tonight while shopping for cucumbers and end up taking him home...or not. :cool:

    but i would find it strange (or perhaps curious would be a better word...) for someone to lament or express puzzlement at the apparent oddness that more women did not pick him up whilst shopping for cucumbers.

    sexually speaking, IME ballroom socials have more in common with cucumber-shopping than doing a 2am bachata with a sexy guy on a crowded dance floor to a live 10-man orchestra. ETA: even taking into account the occasional Ballroom 3MC. :tongue:

    these are not equivalent environments at all when it comes to setting the mood or intention for sexual exploits...
  9. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    The difference is that when "shopping for cucumbers" the atmosphere is different than when you are ballroom dancing. You don't have the physical closeness, the touching, the flirtation when "shopping for cucumbers" that you would see in a ballroom dancing class or ballroom dance party. :)
  10. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    agreed, and that's the very point i was making:

    by comparison, a latin club is exponentially far more heated than ballroom social dancing, and can (not always, i say "can") or is more likely to become more overtly sexual and less polite, genteel or bound by the social constraints that are more typical in ballroom.
  11. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

  12. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    and on second thought, you have probably never shopped for cucumbers on a saturday morning at our local wegmans...lolz.

    i wonder how much bedding happens in that produce department. :tongue: ETA: er... not exactly in, but... you get my drift. :rolleyes:
  13. CANI

    CANI Active Member

    I can't really speak to mood or intention for sexual exploits, specifically, because I fall more into the don't-mix-dancing-with-dating-camp.:)

    However, I don't usually see woman lining up excitedly to spend time with men shopping for cucumbers, but do see women lining up excitedly to dance with good male dancers. I guess it isn't a leap for me to see where a guy could get confused, especially if, outside of dance, the man is not getting attention from women.

    I've seen, in a ballroom social, a man proposition a woman to come home with him for sex...she declined with, "I have to get home to my husband."

    I've seen, in a well-attended ballroom social (not one I frequent any more)...on a Sunday openly talk about their agreement when a salsa comes on to spin the woman they are dancing with many times, and close to the edge of the floor, so the men seated get to look up her skirt...that doesn't speak "romance" to me...

    Also, when I first started attending ballroom socials, I was told about one, very popular one in the area, well known as being a "pick-up joint" and that men regularly hit on women there...not my atmosphere, needless to say, I've never been...

    So, I think, overall, helping rbasz to see other points of view, is a worthwhile discussion...and through that discussion help relieve him of his puzzlement...but I think saying it never would happen in ballroom, that also, IMO, doesn't match reality...
  14. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

  15. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

  16. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    I would not say never, but I would say it is substantially less likely that someone would attend the average ballroom social looking to pick up a casual sex partner (which is what asking someone you don't know for sex amounts to, assuming there's no exchange of cash or goods for services) than it is someone would go to a club environment looking for same.

    Another aspect--I don't do ballroom socials that aren't associated with instructional studios. They tend to have a core group of clients who come to the socials and who also take lessons there. I can't really see studio owners/managers having a high tolerance for people using it as a meat market if they made a real habit of it. Casual pickups tend to go sour. You don't want a regular getting a reputation for picking up women and dropping them, unless you want the women to quit coming. Nor do you really want the word getting around that that's what people go to your parties for. Bad for business.
  17. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    Just gotta love latin clubs.. you can act like you're a serious ballroom dancer, and have that hot, sexy, flirty dancing you would do in regular clubs and write it off as just dancing.. sometimes it even is :)
  18. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    to be clear, CANI, i don't recall ever saying "it would never happen in ballroom", and if i gave that impression it's far from my intention. i thought i had clearly suggested my agreement that things can happen anywhere...even at shop rite.

    i've been groped more times than i can count in ballroom, and have dealt with predation in the community as well, though usually it is masked by a rather desperate romantic sensibility. i have plenty of personal experience related to how people can come together in ballroom -- and we've certainly talked scads about it on this site.

    notwithstanding that, having danced a lot in both ballroom and latin venues, as well a goodly amount in the WCS community, after having the benefit of a lot of comparison in those cultures...still, ballroom does not strike me as a place where women generally attend with a mindset of hooking up sexually. things might happen, as they might anywhere, but the odds are not high...similar to the shop rite scenario. if a guy is sniffing around ballroom socials for sex, it's not exactly like shooting fish in a some other venues might be.

    one additional point: being resolutely of the don't-mix-dancing-with-dating camp myself, that is in fact no impediment to gauging the difference of these cultures, unless you would be judging them based on your own initiative.
  19. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    hey, right there with ya, ww. WCS is hot as well...some of my hottest connections have been in that context. even so, they tend to stay on the floor more easily than in latin clubs, where things can get out of hand very easily if a woman doesn't have a will (or intention) of steel.

    thank goodness, i do... :tongue:
  20. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    It was kind of you to offer that alternative word, intention sounds better ;) its both intention and will for me lol... nothing makes me ooey-gooey quite like a cute salsa dancer
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