The Innocent Crush, another perspective

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by PretzelsAndBeer, Sep 30, 2008.

  1. Angel HI

    Angel HI Well-Known Member

    I gathered that from your o.p. You seem to be really together.....at least on that.... :)
     
  2. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    I can tell, P&B has both class and maturity. Course...really *serious* crushes can throw both out a window. ;)

    But I have a good feeling about this for you, P&B. I hope that you remember this only as a deeply inspiring and enlivening chapter in your life.
     

  3. Got you fooled.

    But seriously, very kind of you to say that.

    Now if someone will just tell me I'm handsome ...
     
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    class and maturity, IMO, are irrelevant...no doubt he is handling it with both(and that is easier at first than after a protracted period of time)...class and maturity don't insulate him from pain...but if, as he says, he is right now able to simply enjoy it...then woohoo...lap it up...I only throw out the caution sign...b/c however one handles things on the outside, however classy and mature one is, doesn't preclude the possiblility of the thing turning very painful...and it is one thing to say that one will be fine when it ends, it is another thing to live it...then again, one cannot wish away a crush or something stronger...it has to be borne...together or apart, it has to run it's course...I sincerely hope the course for P and B will continue to be pleasant...I certainly wouldn't wish the opposite scenario on anyone...in fact I would rather stick my own hand in the food processor than ever go through it again myself...so good luck to you P and B
     
  5. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    I think there are crushes and there are crushes....

    I know several students who have told me about crushes they have had on professors. One student called it "a professor crush." She clearly did NOT have any intention of actually breaking up his marriage. She did, however, love to talk to him about his subject matter, appreciated his fabulous sense of humor (he is one of the funniest guys I know), and worked hard to try to gain his approbation in class. She wants to make him proud of her.

    Another student had a crush on a male professor, even though he knows that professor is straight and he is gay.

    A crush doesn't have to be destructive.

    It can even be mutual.

    P+B, I wish you all the best in your innocent crush. Sounds like you've got your head on straight. ;)
     

  6. Thank you, CCM.

    Fascination, I think what you are describing is infatuation, not a crush. The two are often conflated but I think there is a difference. I admit the difference is hard to define but if it's painful it's probably infatuation.
     
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    well I think the terminology is irrelevant as well(and frankly, I wouldn't use either word in my own case)... as I said, no one would be more thrilled if your scenario remains innocuous....but look...I am not going to beat this horse to death...certainly I myself have had nice little crushes that amounted to nothing but good (with professors in fact)...and I can't be clearer that I hope that is your scenario...but regardless of how positive it sounds, as I read it, you are flirting with a potentially disasterous scenario...if it isn't so, yippee...if it is, I have said my piece and am available later should you wish...and I might also add, that when I was in the midst of my scenario (whatever one chooses to call it, and it certainly wasn't all destructive)no one could tell me a thing...I absolutely wouldn't allow it...again, good luck...
     
  8. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    I'm with Fas. Crushes can be innocent, fun things, but they can also turn ugly. If you are really cool with it and you really do manage to not lose it when it *poofs*, more power to you, PB. Just please be aware that you are potentially juggling with chainsaws and the aftermath can be very bloody indeed.

    Take care, Bro.
     
  9. Purr

    Purr Well-Known Member

    It's also possible over time that you can grow out of a crush. After you get to know someone better, or simply spend more time with them, your feelings may change. You might have an amiable relationship, but it's no longer a crush.
     
  10. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i remember crushing hard on my first instructor. then someone revealed something about him that he had kept concealed, and that instantly popped the spell like a bubble. i knew something about him that framed things completely differently...
     
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    yep...new info and /or space...helps
     
  12. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    in my case, situation was also helped by stopping lessons. so yes... i am definitely familiar with the vibe.

    meh...life happens. :rolleyes:
     
  13. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    Ah, if we could all be so fortunate though. Any of taken, gay, psycho :snake:, addicted (to something other than dance), mean, dying of an incurable disease, etc. would work.
     
  14. njdancegirl

    njdancegirl Active Member

    Stopping lessons is definitely a good way to go when you are feeling crushed by the crush...problem usually is that one doesn't want to stop because they want to continue experiencing the feelings they feel when with the crush.

    Seems to be a general concensus in these crush threads that the person crushing is typically new to dance...most cases it is a first instructor, first partner, etc. Probably the first time they are experiencing such close quarters with a stranger (in the beginning anyway), high emotional/physical charge of partner dancing, etc. Not to say it doesn't happen further along in one's dance "career", just seems by then we're either able to handle better or not posting about it since we've experienced before ;)
     
  15. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    Yes. Or they feel obligated somehow to continue the lessons / dancing. What did Richard Gere's character say in "Shall We Dance", "I came back because otherwise I would be like all those other guys."?

    Sometimes you want to show that you're mature or "tough" even when you're coming apart at the seams, especially guys. Never let 'em see you whimpering under the table.

    And Man Law #1: Never say the L-word first. ;-)
     
  16. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    Or just feed 'em something that gives 'em indigestion. :cool:
     
  17. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    I really admire your attitude, PretzelsAndBeer. :notworth:
     
  18. Standarddancer

    Standarddancer Well-Known Member

    you seem to be right. Not sure why, newbies seem to be more prone to crush, maybe just because they are not used to such close contact with another person of the opposite sex. And usually they are very brave and candid to admit it and post very detailed experience on this site.
     

  19. Yes, exactly my case. But I'm aware enough to recognize that these factors are a large part of the whole thing. Not all of it, but a lot. In otherwords, it's not entirely about the person. Part of it is about the experience. And I know these factors will change and the experience will change, but the world will continue to turn.

    That said, I'll still claim there is something special about this particular person. That's the point I was trying to make in my first post when I quoted what I hear other people say about her. Even aside from the context of dancing I know enough about her from the few lunches and dinners we shared to know she is extraordinary. And did I mention beautiful? Plus she smells good.

    But someday, maybe soon, maybe not, I'll see her for the last time and my world will continue to turn. I'm sure I will remember her for a long time, probably as long as I can remember anything, and yes, I would miss her for a while. She has, and will have, so many student that at some far future date she probably would not remember me, and that doesn't bother me. But if she does remember me I hope she'll remember me as a perhaps flawed but basically decent man.

    I get the feeling this DF community is a passionate bunch. I like it.
     
  20. njdancegirl

    njdancegirl Active Member

    You are very eloquent, PandB. She really does sound like your muse - inspirational in a way. Enjoy it while you have it and if it ever does become crushing, I have no doubt that you'll move on.

    :D In complete agreement...
     

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