The tango connection

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Dr Tango, Sep 8, 2012.

  1. Dr Tango

    Dr Tango New Member

    Last night, during a milonga in London, i had an experience that, in all my months of dancing, i've ever had: from the word go, i was totally unable to follow a single step that one leader, i was dancing with, was leading; nothing worked. No matter how i tried to adjust (i did try to rectify the nightmare and make it work - although maybe i shouldn't have), there was just total hopelessness. The other tandas i had during that evening were fine - like normal. Which got me thinking: i'm a Psychologist, BTW, and so, from a psychological perspective, the incident got me wondering about, fundamentally, why it is that with some partners, no matter what you do, "it" just doesn't happen: Why is that? What is it about the two dancers that means that, with some people, "it" just doesn't work (last night was an extreme illustration of a complete lack of something between us)? And, perhaps, is it that the people we dance least well with are the people we'd least get on with in life, outside of tango? Is there some correlation between the success of a dance partnership and the quality of that relationship outside of tango, should you get the opportunity to get to know them outside of tango? Last night's occurrence really shocked me....and got me thinking.....:confused: ;)
  2. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Hi DrT welcome!
    Turn it the other way round: it´s such a miracle that it does work every now and then! And it happend to me often that I could not dance with my favorite DP at all. Or it occured that she asked me: hey what´s on? Or the other way round: I discovered resistance and blockades that I asked to go to the bar instead and simply talk... Or if it was an unknown woman to me I found myself asking if she was a single mother.


    Yes, there is something about it! If it works on the dance floor it works in bed also and on other fields of life. But be aware of the fact: if you get together with a dancer, you will loose a dance partnership. For reasons I don´t know that works any longer then.
  3. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    Until emotions cool down a bit.

    I know some couples that dance regularly after break up.
  4. Dr Tango

    Dr Tango New Member

    lol...i wasn't thinking about the dating aspect, that didnt cross my mind, but i was simply wondering whether, considering you could liken tango to a non-verbal communication, whether the people we dance with best, are people that we'd also connect with beyond tango - you might find it easier to strike up conversation with these people, whereas with others it might be more awkward, and not so easy.
  5. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    I don't see any clear correlation between lovers or soul mates and dancing tango. There are fine marriages where one spouse dances well and the other never steps on the dance floor. There are fine dance partnerships where nothing beyond that would begin to work out. Think political affiliations.

    It might be that a great loving relationship would be even better if tango was included in it, but I've seen good relationships get torn apart by adding tango.
  6. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Active Member

    Several case scenario possible.
    -He doesn't know how to lead.
    -He doesn't go with the music.
    -The instructions and ideas you and he have got on what lead and follow consists of are very, very different.
    -It was just a random occurrence from a category "sh*t happens". :)

    As for your question, what relationship are we talking about, activity partners, friendship or romantic?
    To me, people who share the same approach to tango are those I have a lot in common with, so on that ground there is a correlation. Besides, to many tango people "outside tango" world is very small, virtually non existent, so basically all their friendships and relationships come from the same circle. To them, tango is their life.
  7. Interesting theory about getting along in real life = getting along in tango connection, but in my case it isn't always true. The person that is my ideal partner that I dance best with out of anyone ever is an emotional fireball and since I am a pure feel based dancer, when we dance together it's transcendent where we are both in pure bliss, but as friends she freaks out all the time and I am too emotional to deal with it (she complains that I freak out all the time, though I don't see it that way). Unlike in tango where we are a perfect match, we are too intense for each other as friends and can only stand each other in small doses in the real world.
  8. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    Hi, Dr Tango, wlecome to DF..

    As a psychologist perhaps you are aware of the research that found that people with complementary immune systems are attracted to each other's scent (if I remember it right!).

    Something else that comes to mind is a poem that I read long ago (in high school?) where two drivers have a somewhat tramatic encounter on a dark road, leadidng the author to think badly about the other person. And yet, the author wondered if things would have been different if they had met under other circumstances.

    Either of these ring any bells with anyone?

    This is tango, of course, and as someone already wrote, it could just be that you have different, incompatible training/expectations.
  9. jfm

    jfm Active Member

    If it was at negracha and everyone else you danced with was ok, I think Lily has the answer here. Especially since with the cliques there, some guys get away with it for a long time because the followers they dance with from their lessons know what they always lead and fake it.
  10. newbie

    newbie Active Member

    Maybe he was a bad leader.
  11. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    isn'th this classic Romantic Comedy material (eh When Harry Met Sally) you start by hating eaching other, but this grows into an unbridled passion..;)
  12. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Hi guys,
    I just read this thread, and I thought I would post my experience too--I actually had totally the opposite experience of Dr. Tango, the original poster. The tango I danced with one partner was super simple--no complicated ganchos, or kicks of any kind, but the embrace was something else. I have been dancing for a little bit over a year now, and I have never had such an amazing experience. (I was almost about to fall for this guy until I learned that he is with someone.)

    So my question is this: if this is the kind of embrace that everyone strives for, is not this almost like cheating on your partner unless you dance with him/her? My partner is with someone, and I felt like the other woman.... It's not that we did anything other than dance, but this embrace was to me cheating.

    What are your thoughts and comments? I am REALLY puzzled at the moment, because if that's cheating, I won't dance with him again. If i was involved with someone, and he danced with such an amazing embrace with another woman, I won't be happy about it!!!

    I am truly puzzled. Please respond!
  13. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    I coined a term for that "Tango twillight zone" :cool:
  14. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Hi Anna !

    No it in´t. Sorry, but the truth sometimes will hurt: In Tango it´s not all about you, girls! Guys dance for other guys! You simply are accessory.
  15. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    well, ok, but I feel like he won't dance with me like that if his girlfriend was around. He caresses my back throughout the whole dance, and then he does not leave the embrace between the songs, which is really great because the embrace is awesome... Still puzzled!
  16. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Yes, I came across another one last night as I was searching about the tango embrace--tangogasm :)

    Edit: tangasm actually
  17. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    I doubt that he dances for other guys. As I said, there is no acrobatics involved, and perhaps we were the most inconspicuous couple on the dance floor. He dances with simple steps, great musicality, and a heavenly embrace. So I am more inclined to believe that it's all about the embrace for him rather than the girl or the guys. You know... like some people are in love with love, he is may be in love with the embrace regardless of who he dances with. I feel like I have to observe him--if I see him again--whether he dances with other women in the same way he dances with me: no breaking of the embrace between the songs of the tanda and caressing of the back.
  18. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Of course Anna, it was a provocative answer. But in contrary of so many testimonies of so many tango dancers, I don´t believe that the transcendent experience of the holy embrace is the reason for tango dancing. Every tango dancer will give his best. I did so as a beginner and as an experience dancer. But there always is also a secondary gain: to relegate the crowd (if you are younger), or to touch a young girl (if you are out of the picture). I fear many are not aware of it.
  19. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    Welcome to this forum.

    You didn't say you felt offended, and you did say you enjoyed the dance. Isn't that all you need to know? What goes on in the embrace stays in the embrace. You don't need someone else to give you permission.

    With certain partners I have very sensual dances, and that's all they are. I don't dance that way with all partners, but it's still just a dance, that we both enjoyed.

    Falling for a guy because he gives you a good dance might not be sufficient reason.
  20. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    This guy is from Argentina. After several tandas, he and I talked, and he told me that tango in Argentina is all about musicality and the embrace, not about gnachos, sacadas, or any fancy pyrotechnics. So it is about the transcendent experience--for him, and the folks he hangs out with, and the teachers he takes classes with. Plus he is an experienced tango dancer (although this does not mean that he is an acrobat.)

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