The tango connection

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Dr Tango, Sep 8, 2012.

  1. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member


    Thank you for the welcome!

    Well, I would be offended if this was cheating because I have no desire to be the other woman. I really do not espouse the policy of what goes in the embrace, stays in the embrace. If he was single, I'd say ok, fine. Let me get to know him. If I do not like other aspects of his personality, then I do not know what I would do. May be I will continue dancing with him only for the embrace. But with him having a partner.... it's different. It's like you make out with someone other than your partner; that's not ok. You say that with some partners you have very sensual dances and that that's all they are, but I do not feel the same way.

    I do agree with you that falling for a guy because of the dance is not a sufficient reason!

    You know, the dance with him is my first real tango dance; it just took tango to a totally new level.

    Plus, I emailed him a couple of times, and he always responds in a very nice way, etc. Every time I email him (which I believe has been 3 times or so), I think that he's busy and he won't respond in a week, he gets back to me within a day. So.... I do not what's going on... And yes, you are right, the tango embrace is not enough to fall for someone, esp. in this case. Ugh, still confused....
  2. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    It's not cheating. My wife and I have no problem talking about our tandas, and who had the best embrace, what made it good, etc.

    It's really just a dance (unless you leave with him afterward).

    [​IMG]
  3. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    I suggest that you slow down, take a deep breath, relax, and quit worrying about it until you know there is something to worry about.

    Sometimes beginners are concerned about what it all means, when in the tango world, it just means dancing.

    Have you asked him what's going on?
  4. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    I found this or that in Buenos Aires, but especially "pyrotechnics". It depends on your scene, the style, and the economy. Sounds as if you simply have danced with a real good dancer for the first time. Where do you live?
  5. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    I also wanted to clarify something else: one other partner I dance with thinks we have a great connection. I personally think that I can follow him better than his other partners. (Now it looks like he is falling into me or something because I got an invitation for drinks, etc. So you see the chain here: So he's after me, I am questioning if I should be after someone else, that someone else is with someone else.... You get the picture.)

    From my perspective, dancing with the acrobatics guy is technical. It's enjoyable but totally lacking any element of desire for him, only fun fun fun. I do a lot of acrobatics with him because that's how he leads. But it's purely a physical experience of the dance, and even though it's fun, it pales in comparison to the embrace with the Argentinian guy. Even if the acrobatics partner had a girlfriend, I will have no compunction about dancing with him whether his girlfriend was around or not because the connection is very different. But if I feel that I am totally melting during or after a dance with a guy.... well..... this needs serious reconsideration.
  6. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member


    no, I have not asked him what's going on. If I read his body language when we are not dancing, something's going on. If I ask him, what's the guarantee that he'll tell me what he really thinks?

    Edit: yes, good idea. Need to cool off.
  7. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    well, may be he's old school. And where did you find pyrotechnics in Buenos Aires? In what places should I go to see them in case I go?

    I hope you don't mind if I do not mention where I live because the tango world is actually rather small and I've already said so much!
  8. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    But do you caress your partners' backs during the whole tanda, and do you not break the embrace with other partners to chat politely and 'cool off' for a bit in between the tanda songs?

    With this guy, we stay in the embrace during the pauses and there's no talking, just exhaling associated with the pleasure of embrace. And as it turns out my weak spot is the back, so I do love the caresses, but ....

    So that's why it feels like cheating to me.
  9. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Firstly, the city lives on tourism and so the biggest part of tango account for estilo escenario (performace tango).
    Secondly, there is also a style called neo or nuevo tango. You can find these guys on monday at Práctica X, or on tuesday or friday at Club Villa Malcolm.

    I did not follow that and actually had no bad experiences yet.
  10. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    No, I don't caress my partner's backs between songs, but I have occasionally had women not want to break the embrace between songs. Usually I go to milongas with my wife, and most people know we are married, so I don't take it as someone hitting on me.

    As for your other question, I can't answer why it feels like cheating to you. Basically, it's between you and your significant other to decide what defines cheating. Different people draw the line at different places. You asked for other's opinions, so I'm providing mine. People tend to be much more affectionate at milongas than pretty much any other place that I frequent. I think it's just part of the tango experience. I will add that tango probably isn't a good hobby for people who get jealous easily.

    Now is there some subset of the community who is looking for more than a dance? I suspect so, but you are free to stop dancing with anyone who you feel has crossed the line, or who makes you uncomfortable. To be honest, I'm not clear if that happened or not, but you would know better than any of us, as you were there and we were not.
  11. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Firstly, the city lives on tourism and so the biggest part of tango accounts for estilo escenario (performace tango).
    Secondly, there is also a style called neo or nuevo tango. You can find these guys on monday at Práctica X, or on tuesday or friday at Club Villa Malcolm.

    I did not follow that and actually had no bad experiences yet.

    I use to caress my dance partner´s back as means of interpreting the music. And also breathing belongs to my dance vocabulary. But of course not throughout the entire tanda. I actually think that was too much.


    You´ve danced not only with a good dancer for the first time, you also have never been the object of a latin lover before.... Think that were kind of advances. Of course I use to massage the back of women or knead her feet. But never without talking about tensions or so before, and alway off the dance floor.

    Not yet cheating, he was kind of chatting you up. And there also is a specific spanish term for that porteño variant of advances. Sorry, forgot about it.
  12. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Thanks for your response.

    I also can't say that I've had a bad experience, but I prefer that these emotions of mine remain as private as they can be. Anyway, why did you ask where I live? May be I can give you a better answer then? I really appreciate your response!!!
  13. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Well, Opendoor, :oops::( I feel like it's already not good if he has a SO, and he is trying to 'chat me up'. No, I have not had the object of a Latin lover before. If you remember the term for these kinds of advances, please let me know. This is very helpful!
  14. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    You don't like that answer, do you?

    You've described nothing so far that indicates any problem with his behavior or motivation. I think your confusion is about your own emotions, as you've said, and I'm not qualified to comment on that.
  15. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Yes, I was interested in city or country, in the density of tango locations, and if alternatives concerning your current studio exist.
    Thanks :)
  16. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member


    Dchester, that's really interesting to hear that other women did not want to break the embrace. I am glad you mentioned this. I think what makes your situation different is that you do not care much if the embrace is broken or not. And I am really grateful that you share your experience with me!!! Totally agree that tango is not for the jealous types.

    In this case it felt like cheating because I was totally melting with him, and if we were alone and I was out of my mind, he could have had his ways with me. It was darn good foreplay basically, and that's just because of the embrace; no other touching!

    I went into tango because I love to dance and because it's social. I used to to ballroom, but what's the point if you can't dance often and have to go to competitions if you want to dance often. So I am not in tango to find a special someone although if this happens that's fine.

    Technically speaking, yes, i could stop dancing with him. That does not seem like it's going to be a problem. Only it would be unpleasant--to say the least--to lose an amazing dance partner, and such partners are so tough to find; what's what makes it hard to resist. But I will have to listen to my conscience.
  17. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Where I live now is considered to be one of the tango meccas, so I have plenty of choices every single day of the year. So, yes, if I need to avoid him, I could do that. Although I know where he likes to go, and these are places i like too. I have not tried some of the these places he likes to go, and if I like them, I do not want to give them up because of him. Ah, this tango drama!
  18. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member



    well, i think I explained why I think that it was not just a dance. I have danced many times where it's just a dance. This was very different-- a totally new level of tango.

    What was different for me was his constant caressing of my back, not breaking the embrace between the tanda songs, and his enjoyment of the embrace. So to me this was like foreplay.
  19. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Learning to dance is social learning! And of course I try to find out the word for that specific habit...

    Not in Argentina: Everyone uses to gap on the dance floor right up to the middle of a piece. And that gabbling starts at once in the cortina again...

    Cheers
  20. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    There's no doubt that everyone's situation is different. We all have different perspectives, life experiences, and feelings on a variety of things. That's why at the end of the day, what you feel on this topic is much more important than what any of us think.

    Based on the above post, I'd say that you wanted to break the embrace between songs of that tanda, so next time, simply do so. You don't need his permission to do it. If he gets upset or weird, then you'll know all you need to know about him.

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