The tango connection

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Dr Tango, Sep 8, 2012.

  1. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Actually, no, I have not danced with him. However, the last practica I went was beyond disappointing; so disappointing, in fact, that I wanted to post a rant on this forum. Such an experience makes it is really hard to give him up. Right now he is not in the country, so this makes things easy. What worries me, though, is that I waited a couple of days to respond to his email in order to break the pattern of responding every other day. You know... to cool things down. However, instead of him waiting 3 more days to respond, he emailed me back within 5 mins... This is something to worry about, but not until later next week.

    Honestly, I do not think that when we dance it is such a big deal for him, but still the emails are a concern. We'll see if he suggests dinner/ drinks/ etc. after tango whenever I see him next, and if he does, I will be extremely sorry and extremely busy with deadlines at work and having to go home as soon as possible. That's my plan.

    But my heart lies elsewhere--with a guy who did not want to dance with me :(. He was one of the organizers, I think, which made him busy that night, but then again he danced with other women!!! And from what I can tell, they are not any better dancers than I am. Since I invited him once already and he refused, now I can't make myself invite him again. It's so awkward also when I see him dance with other women. And it hurts when I expect to see him at milongas, but he does not show up. Life is such a mess. Ok, I have to admit that I have not researched him, so may be he also has a SO, which will make him out of the question.

    Anyway, thanks for checking with my conscience :)
  2. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    There is a short story about two monks: old and young one.
    Two monks were walking down the street and came across a lady who could walk over a pond of water.
    Younger one took the lady and carried her over the pond.
    As they were walking old monk told young one that monks are not allowed to carry/touch women.
    And young monk asked him why was still carrying that women. :)

    That's why I replied in that way. :D

    It's seems that you are obsessed with relationships. :rolleyes:
    It normal to have feelings, it matters what you will to with them.
    Why are you so hard on yourself if you have any positive emotions for busy people.

    As soon as you relax some advanced dancer will be more keen on dancing with you. :cool:
  3. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Ha ha, I know this story very well. I do not think that I am obsessed with relationships. I am more like alert to any signals going in the wrong direction. Many years ago, I lost a very important relationship, and it still hurts. So whatever relationships are happening (or not) on right now, they pale in comparison to what I've had before. These are a mere distraction from the pain, I'd say.

    Ok, I did not get your comment about the positive emotions and busy people. You mean the guy who refused to dance with me? Well, I have not danced with him, that's why I am not entirely happy, and I do not want to be in a mess with the guy who has a SO... Anyway, I do not think that I understood your question.

    I do hope that advanced dancers will invite me. It's about time!!!!
  4. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    It seems that you are very sensitive on people with SO, you replied why it is so.
    I don't want to be too curious about your personal things. ;)

    You may look tango dancing as 10 min fling. :D

    I don't mind dancing with beginners if they have positive and carefree vibe, they don't have to be good dancers at all.
    From your post I might notice the eagerness for advanced dancers.
    It seems that you are putting them on some pedestal, like they are demigods.
    Nice greeting at beginning of the evening will definitely increase your chances.
    Chill out a bit, and they will come to you. I am sure they noticed you. ;)
  5. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Well, my record to date is pristine re cheating or being involved as the other woman, and I'd like to keep it that way. I have not been cheated on (as far as I know). I feel like if I am alert to signals that may go in an undesirable direction, I'm better prepared to avoid undesirable situations. So that's where the oversensitivity is coming from.

    As for the advanced dancers (those with musicality!!!! not just mechanics!!!!!!), I have not thought of them as damigods, but you are right, they kind of are because they are so rare. I danced, once!, and this won't repeat again, with someone who told me was an AT teacher, who said that I should follow him and not listen to the music!!! :mad: Hell, no! This was the first and last tango with him, and I do not care that he is a teacher.

    When I wrote my previous post to you I had a whole paragraph of ranting about my dancing partners to date, but I deleted it since I did not want to go in this direction. I DO HOPE that the advanced dancers are finding their way to me. :)

    Now, going to chill out as recommended :cool::)

    p.s. I do the nice greeting thing.
  6. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    Everybody can proclaim themselvef an AT teacher. :rolleyes:

    Dancing is mutual, so that listening to the music.
    Leader should dance to you first, and to the music i.e. adjust the musicality and dancing to your level.
    Not listening to music for beginners is not a necessarily a bad thing since you are focused on many points concurrently.
    If I were you I wouldn't be so harsh on him except there are more things you are pissed about.
  7. Gssh

    Gssh Active Member

    So you are also looking for something else than tango at the milonga - no wonder there is drama.

    Gssh
    Mladenac likes this.
  8. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Yes, if I was a beginner and if he was a beginner, I'd agree about the rhythm, but I am intermediate/ advanced, and he claims to be a teacher.... It was not appropriate in this case.
  9. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    :) This was a bit poorly worded, but be as it may. He's a crush; my heart actually lies with my lost love...
  10. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    I would never say you were intermediate/advanced by the posts on this forum.
    How long have you been dancing?

    You are intermediate/advanced dancer and advanced dancers won't dance with you? :confused:
    AndaBien likes this.
  11. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member


    I have no idea how you can judge the level of dancing of anyone from online posts.

    It's just that a couple of days ago I danced with yet another teacher, and perhaps he was trying to flatter me and sell his private lessons, so he said that because I am intermediate/ advanced, groups classes are not for me and that I should take privates. Let's say I am an ok follower.
  12. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    IMHO Intermediate/advanced follower dance 2 - 3 years regularly in close embrace and goes to festivals.
    And is familiar with all kinds of tango music and can dance to them easily.
    And is able to follow workshops that are marked intermediate/advanced.

    How do you apply to that definition?

    What do leaders tell you in you local milonga or festivals?
    I am not interested in AT teacher sellers.
  13. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    If someone asks questions that beginners typically ask, then then it leads people to believe they are beginners. While it may not be 100% accurate, it's right a lot more than it's wrong.
    Lilly_of_the_valley and Mladenac like this.
  14. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    I still think that it's better to at least see how someone dances, better yet dance with them, and then determine their level. I've seen dancers with one year experience, and the difference sometimes is quite stunning! The forum can demonstrate theoretical knowledge, and definitely erudition, but not _really_ dance skill. I have friends who can name all figures and know all the steps, but as far as the execution of the steps is concerned, others are much much better than them...
  15. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Just about right.
  16. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    Just right is not intermediate/advanced. ;)

    "The first concept you will learn...is humiliation. You thought you could walk. Turn. Balance on two legs. Tango is a journey where only the strongest survive at the altars of humiliation..." Tango cynic

    We don't have intention to put you down.

    Over time I developed a sense of people's emotional state.
    Beware what you are bringing into the milonga. ;)
  17. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    I do not agree. Actually I cannot find my earlier posts but tango is the least opportunity for flirting. Flirting is easiest at salsa locations, ubiquitous at ballroom, rare with swing. But all these relational disturbed and burdened people in our tango communities usually avoid any closer contact.
  18. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    If you compare it to salsa, yes! But I am simply sharing my experience that there is still a lot of dating or at least desire for involvement in the tango scene, then broken hearts, then dropping tango for awhile, then rejoining the group... That's what I've seen many times.
  19. AnnaN

    AnnaN Member

    Now, I could have said that I exceed the standards you suggested, but that now wound not be humble, would it?
  20. Mladenac

    Mladenac Active Member

    I would have been suprised if advanced dancers hadn't danced with you.

    IMHO The problem lays here:
    You are bad dancer and advanced dancer don't want to dance with you.
    You are not so bad dancer but you don't have a good vibe at the dance floor.
    ...

    You may list your ideas for the root of your problem so we can find solution. :cool:

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