I'm not married so I can't give you advice there, but as someone who was once terrified of physical contact of that nature let me assure you that positioning like that is geared towards better dancing. My instructor that I began learning this with put it something like this (Let's see if I can re-iterate this correctly.): If you really want to glide around that floor in your Smooth/Standard dancing you need to make an appropriate shape. Those points of contact help with this. If you're in more open position, the kind that newer dancers use, it's harder to really zoom around that floor if that's the desired outcome. And as cabbagefairy said, the increased physical connections makes it easier for the lead to communicate to the follow what he wants her to do. It's all very technical. What helped me get over dancing so closely was a change in my thinking. If I got nervous, I told myself that I was putting way too much thought into it. "It's just dancing, and the only thing I'm trying to do is move better." I remember taking karate and having similar situations with physical contact. I had to remind myself that this is all about learning to defend myself and that the man touching me is only trying to teach me. Nothing more.